Mar 1, 2008

Everyday is a winding rode...I get a little bit close to feelin' fine





Good morning,

Feelin' damn good this morning. One more day and a wake up left after today till I see my lovely doctor. I have been duly and properly supplemented by one of my customers. Thank God...I work 8-2pm today and tomorrow. Lottery was a piece of cake last night. Three hours and I was out!!! I just do that because it is easy. Gets me out of the house for a few also. Rode with my girl last night to take care of the benzo half of my problem and solved that. Things fell into place right on time for once.

Can't stand the woman I have to work with today. I am going to kill her with kindness. That is my way. I refuse to let that woman see that she makes me crazy. So the nastier she is, the more I am going to smile, plus the customers love me and hate her. That is the best revenge. So I am going to get dressed, put on my best waitress face and just shine.....That is what I do best....I am working on my vindictiveness. Not with alot of success I might add. So wish me well, and that I can keep my tongue in check...Sometimes my tongue is as sharp as a razor, you will get cut.
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Feb 29, 2008

I am a huge Dennis Leary fan



Back to work tonight..Just going in for a few hours to run the lottery tonight. Gravy. And than the work week begins. Trying to round up enough happy meds till Monday, down to the wire...I can make it, I am just like the little engine that could.. I think I can, I think I can...Michelle and her old man stopped over last night..not the most healthy activities we participated in, but thankfully it didn't last long and didn't cost me a penny. I am trying to totally break away from the people I work with, as they are all in my business. I have a few applications to drop off...If I am going to work full time I want to make money. Bottom line.
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Feb 28, 2008

Are you a soul man????

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My name is Seth..Seth Plate



One of my favorite movies...
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Working on pajama day #2



Yes, I am a huge Al Pacino fan..This is one of my favorite movies....
Stretch and yawn..feels so good to sleep in these past two days. I love going to work, but than I also love being home, watching movies and lounging on the computer. The best of both worlds. These past two days have been incredibly pleasant, which is rare. I think that the older a person gets, peace of mind is something that becomes a top priority. I have grown to hate chaos and disorder in my life. I like things to just flow. I hate the bumps in the road, cause usually they are huge, more like potholes. I am trying to make more time for my family. Kenny has issues, but he is a patient man, and Jesse (Jay) just turned 18 this month. It seems that when it comes down to the wire all that we have to count on is our family. So I am trying not to take that area in my life for granted. Or as in their words, "Stop being such a bitch"...Plus I woke up to my period this morning, which explains the chocolate eating for the last two days and the bloated miserable feeling. I heard an old joke which says the only reason they labled pre-menstrual syndrome what they did, PMS, is because Mad Cow Disease was already taken..hahaha..I am sure a man made that joke. And that is all for now, waiting for this coffee to clear my head. Trying to get motivated, don't see it happening right this second. Have a great day!!!!
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Feb 27, 2008

The rest of the day



This is a picture of a very good friend of mine. Noone has ever made me laugh as hard as he, Keith, has. Sadly, he left Baltimore to move to Carolina. We worked at Denny's together. He is one of the best line cooks I have ever worked with. Plus, he always has a good eye for hot men. I am so proud of him for being in a real relationship now, a long term one at that. If you are reading this, kudos to you!!! It wound up being a very chill type day. Felt so good to be off work. No aggravation, no bullshit. I am still in my pj's...yup that's right...today was pajama day. I needed one. I think most people would be happier if they had a pajama day. Too tired too post anything else
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Shake that paranoia can't stop the rock...Truer in more than one way. I loved the movie this was from ..From 0-60 seconds with Nicholas Cage. I get a day off finally, waiting on a certain person to swing by to brighten my day a bit. Kenny is laying on the couch being a bitch. Once he pushes that plunger in he becomes a totally different person. I can't wait to see my doc on Monday. I wish I could find something that would make him feel just as good, but so far I can't find the magic pill for him. His moods are growing rather tiresome. And it's not even like he has to get up and go to work. Speaking of work, it is getting harder and harder to make a damn living, especially on this side of town. People just don't have extra money anymore. If they are broke they can't tip properly. Which makes me very unhappy. I think I am getting ready to try to work back in the Towson, Timonium area. Plus, I miss living out there. Crab season will be here in a month or two, and that's where all the money is in Baltimore. If I am going to waitress, like the Army says, I might as well be the best that I can be, and stop working at neighborhood dives. I take that back, I don't work at a dive, but it is not the "most happening" place..There that sounds better. Yes, I love to sugar coat shit....
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Feb 26, 2008

Feelin' Too Damn Good...


Yeah, worked sucked today. It's the end of the month and everyone I wait on, at least the majority of them are all over 50 and waiting for SSI checks and whatnot, so their is no money there. I just feel like if I am going to work 40 hours a week in a restaurant I might as well get off my ass and go work at one where I can make some decent money. It is depressing to work all day and put gas in the car and buy two packs of cigarettes and be broke. This side of town is so economically depressed it is pathetic. There really are no decent restaurants to work in where you can make great money, like I am used to making. It doesn't give you much incentive to get out of bed in the morning. I can't stand being a broke bitch. Unfortunately we are also waiting for the 3rd to get Kenny's SSI check, which also happens to be my doctor day. I can't WAIT til Monday. I am just tired of the dumpy Dundalk Diners. They are all the same. Everyone puts ketchup on their steaks..Need I say more? Ugh I need medication...
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So tired...


I love this video, and the song..Of course not everyone will share my taste, but so be it. Work sucked tonight, very slow...I have to be back there at 7am, so hopefully will make some cash in the am. Basically just trying to survive til Monday am. Got some oxy's from a customer. Than my girl sent her old man up here to tap on my window tonight, he came bearing gifts, handful of Xanax and a bottle of methadone. So trying to line all my ducks up. Plus I think my drawer was $18 off which i will have to replace in the morning. I can't wait till Monday because not only is it doctor day, but it is also check day. Always waiting for that sweet moment. Than when those sweet moments come they pass quickly and I am back to square one.
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Feb 25, 2008

My Girl


Good morning

Gotta keep this short, have to go run and make a purge payment so I don't go to jail.. Lovely.. I will post more when I get back.. This woman is evil, the agent I have to go see. So hopefully I will be back to post more...In the meantime thought I would share some music from one of my favorite chicka singers...
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I thought this was actually rather funny..Of course my humor is warped, but so be it.
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Feb 24, 2008

Fuel for thought



Good morning people,

Who am I kidding? I don't know if anyone even reads this thing...i guess that's a moot point...I don't have to go to work till 1:30pm today.. Thank God. I prefer day shift hour wise, but I can't stand that one bitch..she is just starting to pluck my nerves. I am just going to tune her the hell out from now on. She made the comment yesterday that when her daughter was on drugs and she cut her wrists she told her she hoped she bled to death. So maternal!!! I thought my mother was bad, couldn't imagine what my life would have been like with that one raising me. Kenny got some dope yesterday, it makes me so sad to see him so happy when he is high, and so miserable when he is straight. Every weekend now when his brother gets paid they found some guy who will meet them anywhere anytime with dope. Plus, I have to lie to my sister-in-law, well I haven't had to yet, but Rick hides his addiction from her. So they tell me if she calls they are supposed to be working on my mom's car. Tina is like me and just takes her prescriptions. So far Rick is just chipping on the weekends but isn't that how it always starts? Kenny only does it when his brother brings it by, but that is the only time Kenny has any oomph...That is the part that makes me sad. I wish methadone could do for him what it does for me. He said it just isn't the same. It's not, but it is enough for me. I have learned thru the years to be happy with being content. I miss that "feeling" too...but I just remember all the pain that goes along with that pain. After twenty years playing the dope game, and now being on pain management because I am falling apart from not taking care of myself when I was younger, I just want some peace with a few spurts of excitement in my life. I really wish Kenny wouldn't have lost his doctor. At least when he had his script he could keep some level of opiates in his system enough to keep him up and moving. Now he just has good days and bad days lately. I love him so much, he doesn't think so, he says I have become the worlds biggest bitch lately, it's just because I am unhappy with the situation we are in, not him. I guess we do take things out on the ones closest to us.
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