Serenity...the word even has a "serene" sound to it. I love words...the way they roll off of your tongue, their ability to express your deepest feelings, words can accomplish so much. I find it easier to type the words than to say them out loud. That is an issue I am working on. 3 weeks before my father passed away, I happened to write him a 4 page letter, just telling him how much I loved him, that he was indeed a great father, and grandfather, and that my personal shortcomings were no fault of his own. My step-mother told me that he had tears streaming down him face as he read it. He died three weeks later. The words that I wrote I wish I would have spoken in hindsight. When I speak I tend to get rather tongue tied and babble, as I am trying to get all these words and feelings out all at once, so it comes out in a big jumble. When I write it is the opposite.
On another note, I am trying to prepare my mother, who is 64 and looking at retirement on how to live on a budget. We share a house with her. If we didn't she would lose her house. My mother is a very bitter woman. Life has not been kind to her, and she has not been kind to others. She has made no preparations for living on a fixed income. I have learned at 41 as my husband is on SSI. Our gas and electric bill is insane. This woman will not open a window, only turn on the air as soon as a bead of sweat runs down her brow. We plant vegetables and flowers, try to live somewhat "green"..do our part. She is the epitome of waste and living without care for the next day. And we all live in one house. Thank God for my Xanax...sorry, just being honest. The more I work, and the better the business is getting, the less time I am spending at home. Yes, I am doing it on purpose. That is where I find my joy. Plus, I want to make money and wake up with a few extra dollars in my pocket. It is a nice feeling to be able to wake up and take the family out to breakfast. How do I instill in a 64 year old woman, who is very set in her ways, that she has to make some major lifestyle changes? She has given no thought as to how she is going to pay for all of her expensive medication when she retires. No more fantastic health benefits from her company. She doesn't even know the actual cost of her medicine....it is frustrating...I guess in the long run the only one that I can fix is me...Talking to her is like speaking into a wind tunnel.. Just noise....Have a blessed day in blog land...
Lori
