The backyard

I must be getting older

So many little things bring me delight these days, that I must be getting older. When I see the neighbor lady jogging with her dog it brings a smile to my face. When I see my in-laws dog come running to me with a huge goofy grin I get that warm feeling inside. The clarity I have been searching for is starting to become apparent. It comes from within. The last two years I have spent seeking joy from outward pleasures. WRONG....I realize tonight as I type that it is the moments, the giggles, even the tears that make me complete. God what is that movie where Tom Hanks looks into that woman's eyes and says "You complete me"..I was a sucker for that one. I am learning that only I can complete me. Only than will I be able to give to another. I don't think the journey ever ends until ashes to ashes and whatnot. I do know I refuse to have a boring journey or a wasted one. Good night all..

Going shopping to fix up the new crib

Since Kenny's death I have moved way more than I would have liked. Met people that I wish I didn't. Met people that I'm glad I did. Now I am in a nice safe environment and starting over once again. This time feels right. A good friend told me recently that if I am seeking a companion get a dog. I have been saying that all along, I have been too transient in the past to conquer that goal. Now however it is def doable. Today's agenda is to get a few odds and ends to make this little place of mine feel cozy and homey. Shouldn't be that hard. It's been two years June 1 since the death of my husband. I think I am finally ready to face the world head on and begin my new chapter. I have found that shopping helps. New stuff for a new environment. Rick did bring me home a nice steaming hot dozen of crabs last night. That will cheer up any Baltimore girl. Peace!!!!!!!!!! m

Welcome to PA!!!!

Back and online and in a new state. Packed up all my crap and moved to York, Pa. The cost of living in Baltimore is just too rich for my thin blood. So I found I nice little basement apt. in a quaint little town. Lots of places to walk to, and if for some strange reason I get homesick I am only 45 minutes from Baltimore. I stopped blogging I guess 'cause I ran out of relevant shit to write about. The journey continues and I am seeing some great bright lights at the end of the tunnel finally. I am back...Peace!

Trust and some more good shit,...

Lately I have been trying to decide who I can trust in this world and who I can't. How do you really know when someone is trustworthy? I usually go with my intuition. I am pretty good at "feeling" people. When I talk to someone I can usually get a sense of who they are and if they have a good soul, so to speak. I have been wrong, but more often right. When I give someone my word, that is it. Good as gold. I must be a dying breed. Nowdays when someone gives you their word it means nothing. I guess I am part of a dying breed. Just remember the only thing you have in this world is your word and your balls. Keep them.. Peace...

I am alive....

Yes, it's been a long time since I have posted. The journey has gotten hectic and strange but I am still here and now have time to write. So far I have learned that in the end the only person I can count on is me, myself and I. That's it. People come into your life for a minute, a season..always there seems to be a reason. Right now the person in my life is decent and is turning out to be a good friend. Since Kenny has died, *June 1 will make it 2 years*, I have been used and screwed by numerous so called friends. I am very cautious with my new friend. We are roommates. I don't know how we wound up being together but it is what it is for the time being. I guard my heart with all my might. I can't take any more hurts. The one thing I have noticed is that greed and envy seems to be at the root of most ill will. The better you do for yourself, the people that should be happiest for you are the ones who show that envy. So now I am just going on down the road, trying to make the most out of each day. What else is there to do? Peace...

The early morning bliss

This is my time of day. Switching roommates today. This journey has been an interesting one. New roommates is my age and going to truck driving school. The best perk is she has a gorgeous dog that reminds me so much of Auggie. I think this is the best choice I have made so far. It's been a long strange trip with many interesting people since Kenny has died. This girl and I have alot in common plus no more married couple drama. I felt like Dr. Phil listening to them banter back and forth. I am a pretty isolated person, especially since Kenny died. I work and sleep and watch bad tv. That is my interesting life. I need a roommate who will let me be. If the cost of living wasn't so high in Baltimore I would get an efficiency an live on my own. The next best choice is to find a roommate and split expenses so you can have a few dollars in yor pocket. The saying you really don't know someone until you live with them is very true. People come and go in your life for a reason. Some you are just happier to see go..Peace...