2012

So this is 2012. The older I get the more bah humbug I become. The holidays meant something different when your children are little and excited. I did purchase a few gifts for those closest to me, but everyone else will just have to be happy with the holiday cards I mailed. Right now my agenda is employment and getting my room back in shape. My room is rather small and I have lots of clothes, pocketbooks and shoes etc. I know, poor me. I am sitting here typing watching Animal Cops in Detroit and the number of dog fighting cases really astounds me. I am a dog lover from way back and in all the high crime areas there is numerous dog fighting. What a civilized bunch we are. They said in Detroit there are so many stray cats and dogs that now people just shoot at the animals when they feel they are a nuisance. I am changing the channel. I don't have the stomach. I am hoping this year brings kindness and a sense of caring for our fellow man/woman/animal. We are all one in the big picture. Every action has a reaction. I have given up on the government ever implementing any type of change. It must happen from each individual. One person at a time. Time to clean....Peace!

This And That...

I found a little hometown bookstore yesterday and purchased the book The Heroin Diaries, by Nikki Six, Motley Crue member. Seems he kept a journal during much of his touring and the book is written journal style. I thought it would be the typical addiction story, but after reading this one and Chris Farley's book, I see a pattern. They have so much success and money that they almost can't hit bottom. So that was a good read. All the highlights sex, drugs and rock-n-roll. The New Year is upon all of us. I am not making resolutions. I am simply going to implement change. I have come this far, and now it's time to take another step forward. I ower $100 and my truck is paid off. My fines at DMV are paid and in PA if you have been suspended longer than 6 months you have to re-take the test, starting with learner's permit...than they schedule you for your "real" license test. I made the decision I want and need to drive. So I went to DMV yesterday along with the bookstore and got the driver's ed book. So look out....I shall be on the road within a month or so. Whatever your plans are for the New Year I wish all of you joy and happiness and the most essential...PEACE!!!!!

Happy And Sad, (Pyschotic Mess)

The holidays are full of surprises. Baggy Pants and his bestest friend, Reuben came up for the night.I amnow back on the job hunt again. My health had gotten bad and I was on medical leave. I call them this morning and let them know I am ok, and they tell me to call back in about 6 months?????? So I have now been perusing the help wanted. I have never had trouble finding a job before so I have faith that God will provide. I just do what I can, one day at a time. Life is always full of surprises. I have an interview tomorrow at a residential facility to work with disabled people and they are hiring immediately. They need someone for the graveyard shift, which I have worked for many years at, ahem, Denny's. Since caring for my late husband this is something that has always interested me. Just to be able to bring some joy and cheer to people who need it would be the biggest blessing there is. Everyone has a certain knack. Mine seems to be the knack of making people feel special and smile. Now I just have to find a way to support myself doing that. The potential employer sounds very interested, so my fingers are crossed. It's time I do something else with my life besides waitress. Not that there is anything wrong with it. I have reached the point where I want to do something better for myself. I don't want to be 80 carrying trays. Plus physically my back can't handle it. I just turned 45 this month. This upcoming year is going to be different all the way around. The optimism persits. As Jim Morrison said, "No time to wallow in the mire". Peace and Happy Holidays!

Been Busy!

Sorry for not updating, just have been busy and haven't really had anything worthy of posting. I am working part-time right now due to my health, so I have been watching alot of National Geographic Channel. I have now come to the conclusion that most wild animals are way more civilized than human beings. Elephants, lions etc all live in their prides, nurture their young, and basically provide for their family. Woe to anything that threatens their offspring. They will offer themselves as prey in order to protect their young.

Watching this made me think about humans and family values. There are parents who can't choose between a 1/5 of whiskey vs. feeding their young. The life skills that they teach nowadays seems to be more street survival than anything else. Sometimes the leader of the human family, matriarch or patriarch, are being raised by their young or they simply abandon them to grandparents or the state.

What the fuck happened to MAN, when a mother lion is a better parent than he?

Today vs YesterYears

I have always been happy for people who do well. Especially loved ones. About once or twice a month I go out to dinner with a friend of mine and he does treat me very well. When I come home, I can feel this energy, like " It must be nice". That sort of thing. I work and go out two weekends a month. That is my life right now. It's kind of a bitterness thing. We both love each other and I guess it is normal for jealousies between two women to occur. I am very generous. Always have been. When I have it, everyone I love does too. Oh well, I had a pretty decent weekend with friend. Basically just relaxing and talking. We did the usual dinner (fetticini alfredo with blackened chicken) and breakfast thing. If I can bring some sunshine into a very lonely person's life I consider that a good thing. In the last year he has been there for me like a rock. He is a true blessing in my life, plus I get the best history lessons as he has lived through just about everything. He was born in 1937. This world today seems so foreign to him. He is a member of MENSA and became a securities lawyer in his middle 50's. I watch him deal with how fast this world moves vs. when he was growing up. I almost get jealous knowing all the life experience he has had. He told me that he honestly is ready to die as he has buried everyone he has loved in his age realm. His kids all live in different states. He goes home everyday to an empty 4 bedroom colonial house. That was the house that he, his first wife and their children lived in. Lots of ghosts. So if I can bring some happiness to this man's life I believe that is a good thing.

My life

My life is anything I want it to be. There is a part in each and everyone of us that has that inner gift. Finding that gift is the journey. Not being scared to re-invent ourself when it's time. Sex, drugs, rock-roll. Yea, there was a time I thought that was the path. I was wrong. It's people, plain and simple. It might be the black man on the corner with his 40 ounce spouting out his drunken wisdom, not even ashamed of his urine stained pants. It might be the guy behind the deli counter who knows exactly what you want the minute you enter the door. People. Watching the little girls with their jumpropes playing double dutch. Giving a dollar to a guy with a cardboard sign that states he will work for food. I don't really give a shit what he does with the dollar, I just know I am blessed to have that extra dollar. I am on my journey now with full clarity. The biggest lesson I have learned so far is that people are what makes this world go round. I met an Indian fellow and he came out and said this is for me. It is a dream-catcher. I offered him a few dollars. He refused. Told me to sleep well at night. My journey now consists of being aware of everyone I meet. I find I absorb a little bit of everyone. That makes me happy. Peace!

....and that's how I feel today!!!