My life

My friend Joe's daughter mailed me a a card with this picture enclosed.  This was taken at the wedding in New York.  He doesn't read my blog because he thinks it's my diary and it's personal.  LOL...Sometimes it's fun being arm candy, I have to admit.  This is the happiest photo I have of him.  I think the ability to enhance another human beings life is a great quality that is waaay underestimated.  I have a surprise for him this weekend.  A glucose meter and test strips that I bought from the local pharmacy.  Turns out Mr. Joe never has checked his sugar and he is diabetic.  It might not be a "fun" gift, but it is a much needed one. 

Below is a picture of my new hobby.  ( I used to garden alot when my kids were little) This is not a great photo of my garden.  I took this last week.  There were weeds all the way to the sidewalk. I just started shoveling my way down (see the shovel?) and was amazed at how rich the soil was.  Worms and everything. The front porch is abundant with hanging flowers.  A home doesn't seem like a home without flowers.  I have 3 in my bedroom.  There is something wonderful about getting your hands dirty and making something grow from nothing.

Between moving into this house and getting it together I haven't had much time to write.  To my relief, Tina is very adept at unpacking and getting things in order.  I call her the curtain Nazi.  The only room that doesn't have curtains is the living room.  Disorder makes her insane.  We are def the odd couple.  Call me Oscar.  Have a super weekend!



Am. Ramblings

Good day to everyone.  My spirits are in a decent place today.  I woke up feeling fresh and full of energy.  Lately that doesn't seem to happen.  I have been thinking about all the things that make me miserable and I actually wrote them down.  Than I took a good look at my list and anything that I was not able to change I removed it from my list and my life.  What I had left I decided I could fix.  My first goal is exercise.  I have been walking the dog twice a day and we go for a fairly long jaunt.  That is not enough.  I bought vitamins and B-12.  I want to be able to walk daily by myself, a power-walk type thing.  I have great music in my phone and bright pink ear buds, so today is going to be my first day of power-walking. The next change is my addiction to something so creamy and sweet that I love.  Ice-cream.  Yup, the cookie dough and the party cake ice-cream are something that I want to ingest daily.  Most people go on booze or drug benders, I go on ice-cream benders.  No more of that.   Yes, I am a smoker. Mostly in the am. with my coffee, and after meals.  I am changing my diet first.  I don't think I am ready to quit smoking. Mainly because I don't want to at this point in my life.  I have to have at least one vice. Who knows?  Maybe this time next year I will change my mind.  The biggest change I want to make is to have my morning ME time.  That is when I meditate and think and write. Since I have moved I have been keeping crazy hours and I noticed that if I don't have my special time in the early dawn, the rest of my day turns to shit.  Do any of you have daily rituals that make you feel complete?  Things that you do daily to give you peace of mind.  I would love to hear about them. Have a great day and Live In The Moment!

Mother's Day

I haven't been writing simplyh because I have been busy. The best day of the week was Sunday.  J called at 11pm. Saturday night and asked me to leave the door unlocked.  I said, "Why".  He wanted to wake up with me on Mother's Day.  My heart got all mushy.  We wake up Sunday morning and in his usual fashion he makes an announcement for me and his Aunt Tina to come downstairs.  He got her and I both a card and a huge basket of what he calls "girly, women kinda stuff".  He didn't know that the row of purple balls were bath beads, lol.  Yes, Hallmark makes a card for Aunt's on Mother's Day.  Why am I not surprised?  I am not even going to begin my ranting about Hallmark.  It is always the words my kids write in their horrible pensmanship that mean the most to me.  It turned out to be a very pleasant, relaxing day.

  I wish my mother and I had a better relationship but for the time being we are estranged.  There is so much pain there between the both of us that it is easier sometimes to stay away.  I decided I will call her tomorrow and reach out to make peace.  I guess because I am getting older and so is she.  Noone is a perfect parent, I can testify to that one.  I think we just all do our best and muddle through.  I would be hurt if my boys didn't forgive me, so I think I owe that much to her.  I have learned many good lessons in life.  Mostly from my kids.  Happy Mother's Day! 

Horrible tipper leaves horrible note for server

Horrible tipper leaves horrible note for server

Do Da Da Da

Who got the hooch, baby?  Yup, that's what I'm listening to this morning.  I have to share...I got a rockin' ego boost last night.  A young, (young) attractive guy comes on our porch and is trying to get us to sign up for an alternative energy source.  No money, just a sign up.  Very good salesperson.  He is from Jersey. So we all exchanged information.  Tina and I told him we would think about it and call him tomorrow (today).  I'm laying in bed and I get a text message; from the "energy guy".  He texts me and says "Do you have my number? I was just making sure"  I said yes.  He than says, "By the way, you have really pretty eyes." I didn't quite know how to take this so I just typed back "Aw that's so sweet to say".  THAN, he ask me, "Are you single"..Whoaaaa....I am now flattered but taken quite aback. I said yes, but how old are you.  He says, chuckle old enough to know better.  Turns out he is 24.  I told him that he is two years older than my younger son.  He tells me I will get past that.  Really now? This guy is very confident and assured and impressive, but he is 24!!!!  I actually had a thought, nah, yeah..and than decided to take it as a complement and let him know it was ok, but I can't date someone who is 24, plus he is my neighbor.  I told him how good-looking he is and that he can have any girl he wants.  Told him I was going to bed.  He says good-night hun...I said goodnite Mr. Jersey.  I pictured Kenny (my late hubby) laughing as he used to call me Mrs. Robinson when I worked at Denny's.  All the young boys would come hang out in my station.

At 45 I look at the beautiful young women of today.  The girl across the street is 12, but has the mannerisms of about 17 and the speech, everything.  Not in a trashy way at all. I feel sorry for the young men of today.  They better check ID. So, yes, it did really make me feel good.  I can't lie. (Only when I have to).  When I thought about it I could almost visualize a nice soft porn movie.  Young man knocks on older woman's door and gets invited in and the clothes fly and well, we have all seen that movie.  That's where my mind was last night.  (I will do the walk of shame, but you can't see it)

Sigh...I'm getting older.  99% of the time I'm fine with it.  Every once in awhile I will see a carload of 20 somethings and get slightly wistful.  Wistful for the the innocence, the carefree feeling that anything is possible in this world because I am invincible.  That is what I miss.  Lately the carefree feeling is coming back, because through time I have learned that anything IS possible. Through maturity I realized that I am not invincible.  Today I am in a good place.  Wishing the same for everyone else.  Peace!

INK

Creeping in my room..

I hear the pills rattle in my purse...
a safe jingle jangle
a reminder that I won't be in pain.

I am on pain management.  Have been for a few years.  When you are put on pain managment you must sign a contract basically stating that you are responsible for your medication and will safeguard it and not abuse/or divert it.  

Well for the last month I have noticed that things have been moved around in my room, small things.  I didn't pay much attention as we have just moved into a new, relatively big house.  Than one morning I woke up to take my Paxil and other meds when I noticed one of the bottles had its lid put on upside down.  That is how my sis in law caps her medicine.  It bothered me, and I was puzzled on how to approach her.  I thought I would give her an easy out.  She woke up and we had our usual morning chit chat.  I looked at her and said, "Listen this is bugging me and I know I went to bed early last night" "Did you grab any of my  anxiety meds, I will understand if you didn't want to wake me?"  She denied it  and told me we should keep an eye on her son, my nephew, who has in the past, gotten both of us for a pill here and there.  She said she could tell if he was messed up...I said ok, but I knew the way she put her lids on her bottles and kept thinking, not nephew, it was his mama.

An hour later she knocks on my door crying.  She said, "I'm a horrible mother, blaming my son for something I did".. She is crying telling me how sorry she was etc etc...you know how it goes. So now I am carrying my pills everywhere I go until I get a new safe today.  I was so damned hurt. Still am.  She is 52 years old.  She is my family through marriage.  We used to work together and I introduced her to my brother in law whom she married.  She is one of my best friends, despite small squabbles, usually over daily life, bills etc.  Now I feel violated.  The tears she shed were genuine.  I saw the shame that all addicts have when they are confronted.  I wish she never put me in that position.

Time to chug this coffee and get ready to go to my local Wal-Mart and get a shiny new safe.  (This will now be the 3rd safe I have bought)  Better safe than sorry....Peace!