Snow, slush and shit

I see the flakes coming down and watching the blanket falling and getting ready to spread doesn't excite me. I see the beauty of it, but bottom line, bad back + shovel = misery. There was a time when kids would knock on your door to shovel.  Not anymore.  I remember one snow storm my little brother made $400 in one day shoveling out the elderly in an upscale community.  The work ethic is drilled in our bloodstream. 

I have the blues and the music to go with it.  If you could write a brief blues song, what would the lyrics be?

Random thoughts...

Some days are the most amazing in your life.  Other days suck the life out of you and you wonder why you even try to fight the good fight.  Struggle after struggle, feeling that it is all for naught.  Calling, begging, pleading with one government agency after another.  Not getting any answers.  Being given a random confirmation number with a promise of a call-back.  I am starting to feel like a dinosaur in this day and age.  I want to call a help center and get REAL help.  I am so fucking tired of pushing 1 and 2, just to get a whole new round of numbers.  I have a friend who threw her phone and smashed it.  I understand.  There are wonderful benefits to this new society that we live in, but we have lost so much in the way.  Human contact. What about the people who don't have an email address or a cell phone?  What happens to them?  I remember the days of sitting down to write a letter.  I would pick out my prettiest stationary and get my favorite pen. The writing would begin.  Envelope and stamp, boom I was done.  What happened to those days?  Do our children even know how to write a proper letter without spellcheck and smileys?  I doubt it.  Letter writing is becoming an ancient form of communication. That to me is sad.  Why check the mail nowadays?  It is only bills and advertisements.  No more letters from Grand mom and Pop Pop.  I am guilty.  I have a smart phone.  GPS and I am in love with my laptop.  Yet I still remember the other way.  My friend who is 74 and goes to the library everyday and tried to fill out resumes online. He winds up getting so frustrated that he goes outside to smoke his pipe and gather his thoughts.  Than he calls me.  I hear the weariness in his voice.  I find it heartbreaking.  He is of an era where you walked into a company and met with a real person and shook their hand.  You spoke and sold yourself.  This new method of getting a job doesn't make sense to him.  I have seen him cry.  He wants to be useful.  This now makes one year that he has been out of work.  He is an attorney for the securities industry.  Everyone tells him to retire.  He says he would rather be dead.  I understand.  Truly I do.

Dabbing my eyes....

Well I ashamed to admit that I have been up all night long watching movies.  Just finished watching The Horse Whisperer for the first time.  Wonderful movie.  When I am laying in bed sobbing violently you know it's a great movie.  Robert Redford is so very talented, in front and behind the lens.

I haven't been writing much lately.  It comes in spurts (mind out of gutter please). Things have been going well or as best as I can expect.  I have been painting lately and that is  quite the stress remover.  I also can't smoke cigs when I paint so it's a two for one bonus. I found these HUGE fantasy books.  I use paint, pencils, and a certain type of crayon.  When I see the finished piece, just like writing something beautiful, the feeling is splendid.

I also realize I am still a work in progress.  I want to do more in my lifetime than just drift along and die.  Sounds trite, but I want to make a difference before the flesh becomes dust,. I am starting to keep notes on everything that appeals to me personally, for future reference.  Right now I am content to savor my hot am. coffee, the quite of the early morning.  The best part of the day. To quote a line from a song I have always liked...."Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there...Incubus.  That is simple and and a goal I know I can accomplish.  Peace, today and forever!

'Twat a Day

I have been pretty busy these past few days.  I find I write much better when I'm focused sitting in the dark.  Been up since 5am.  The winds have been wicked and wild.  It upsets the dog.  Her name is Harley.  My late husband picked her out as a puppy in Georgia for my now late brother-in-law.  She is the sweetest damn dog.  I usually like male dogs, but she is very protective and sweet.  I am stupid in love with this Harley.  My next husband will probably be a dog.  (just kidding, I think)

Went out last night for some retail therapy.  It always works, until I check my bank account.  Fuck it, the clothes were on sale.  We are blessed with a wonderful outlet 10 minutes away.  I bought a brand new winter coat for $24. Such pretty clothes and nowhere to show them off.  Life could be alot worse, so trust me, I'm not complaining.  I appreciate all my blessings when they come.  Family is the best.  True friends are great.  Faith in one's self is the foundation that all else rests on.  Peace!

Good Morning!

The coffee is great, the sound is pounding in my headphones and the house is still. This is the best part of the day. Things are going as well as they can. No complaints. My boy and his friend came and spent the night Saturday. My chest swells with pride when I look at the man he is becoming. The friend he brought has been his bff since he was about 10. J is loyal to a fault. Sometimes I look at him and the tears just come. He gives me a hug and says "Why are you crying Ma" and than he laughs. He gives a phenomenal hug. My older son Jason called me last week. He says he is clean. I would love to believe him, but my inner drug radar tells me he is being deceptive. Been there and done that, and I guess he will too one day. I wish I could heal him, but no one could heal me except me, and I know it will be that way for him as well. PA has been much kinder for me than Baltimore. I have had alot of time to think since being out of work and I realize that I have much to be thankful for. I have made amends to the people I love. I don't really give a shit about the people who used me like a cash cow last year. That was something I allowed to happen and it's just another chapter in my life book. Temptation got me and I split. I was living in a nice hotel with the hustlers and players. My only job was to sleep and look good when it was time to go out. I thank God that sanity kicked in and made me step outside and look at my life. I think everyone has a sanity button. The problem is that if you are too fucked up to hear it, it might be to late. I have finally learned to listen to that inner voice and I can "feel" people. Everyone gives off an energy. I have a weird gift of being able to read people. It's not always nice. I can see hate, envy and many other things that people radiate. I keep my circle of people VERY small and I share a dog with my sis in law. That is enough. Time to refresh the coffee cup, and peek out the window to see what the day shall bring. Peace!

A picture is worth a thousand words

2012

So this is 2012. The older I get the more bah humbug I become. The holidays meant something different when your children are little and excited. I did purchase a few gifts for those closest to me, but everyone else will just have to be happy with the holiday cards I mailed. Right now my agenda is employment and getting my room back in shape. My room is rather small and I have lots of clothes, pocketbooks and shoes etc. I know, poor me. I am sitting here typing watching Animal Cops in Detroit and the number of dog fighting cases really astounds me. I am a dog lover from way back and in all the high crime areas there is numerous dog fighting. What a civilized bunch we are. They said in Detroit there are so many stray cats and dogs that now people just shoot at the animals when they feel they are a nuisance. I am changing the channel. I don't have the stomach. I am hoping this year brings kindness and a sense of caring for our fellow man/woman/animal. We are all one in the big picture. Every action has a reaction. I have given up on the government ever implementing any type of change. It must happen from each individual. One person at a time. Time to clean....Peace!