Our Aging Population

Will you be there to lend a hand to those who once held yours?

The next exit...

Saturday

Felt good to sleep in this morning.  The coffee tastes wonderful.  My friend is enroute to spend today and tomorrow with me.  We usually go out, have a nice dinner and talk.  Than, because he lives 3 hours away, we get a motel room and he will go home around 1pm tomorrow.  He is 74, born in 1937.  His name is Joe.  His parents came here from Poland.   Joe is very lost in today's modern world of technology and prompts, and virtual phone advisors.  It has now been one year that he has been unemployed.  Everyday he gets up and goes to the library diligently looking for a job.  He told me that without a job he would rather be dead.  He is a securities attorney.  I try to be encouraging.  He really wants a seat on the Pennsyvania Securities Commission.  He has been going to country club dinners etc., trying to network as you need a helping hand to get this particular position.  Ironic isn't it?  Half of the population can't wait to retire and here is an elderly man who would rather die first.  3 of his kids live in Florida and one in N.York.  He tells me I am his only link to sanity.  I do get great history lessons.  So, time to get off my behind and start getting dressed. Have a great weekend!  Btw, this Kool-Aid ad was in 1937,  Joe's birth year.

One vice to another

Well I still have some learning to do.  I had Jesse come pick his brother up last night.  Jason was here for three days. Every single night he was here he bought a bottle of whiskey.  I am not a fan of alcoholics as my first husband and biological father to the boys was a horrid one.  The first day he was here he charmed the pants off of Tina my sis in law and my nephew. That's what hustler's do.  What I don't understand is his constant need to lie.  He got kicked out of boot camp before 30 days were up.  He is sitting in my living room, drink in hand, telling Tina and Travis how he was in special forces and was in the service for 4 years.  I didn't embarrass him, I simply let the lies flow and went downstairs to my little apt.  That lie about the military was a huge source of conflict between my late husband and him.  Kenny was not a perfect man, but he was proud of the fact that he served his country and had an honorable discharge.  Travis and Tina were so hurt that he felt the need to lie.  I explained to my nephew that sometimes the people who seem so over-confident are the most insecure, hence the need to lie. I have told many a whopper in my time, but that was back in my younger years when I was using.  Just because people stop getting high, doesn't mean they lose the mentality. 

I sat Jason down privately and we both agree that Baltimore is not for him. When Jesse dropped him off I found out that Jason is living in the middle of the hood where you can literally walk out on your stoop and get heroin.  Why would he choose to live there?  That makes me question his sobriety.  When he left he asked me for $20 in his pocket.  He did have a few dollars when he got here.  Money is a red flag for me.  Bottom line, I saw him, he didn't seem to have a dope habit as he woke up and bounced out of bed.  I am, however, not thrilled with the daily drinking.  His liver has seen enough. All the other mom's out there who have children who suffer with the disease of addiction know the feelings and guilt and grief etc. He does want out of Baltimore.  I knew the gist of this visit.  He was putting feelers out to see if maybe he could stay with us. Tina and I both told him that since his brother was told no it would be unfair to say yes to him.  We are still working on getting my nephew on his own two feet. 

They need to do a commercial that show young girls parenting doesn't end when they turn 18.  I don't think it ever ends. Sigh..off to run errands. Enjoy the day...

Clean And Sober

Some good news.  My older son has come to Dallastown to visit.  He has been clean since January of last year.  We haven't really been talking until recently.  When he walked through my front door last night, I knew.  He looks healthy and sober.  I enjoy his company tremendously whenb he is "right".  Plus, no mother wants to see their kid self-destruct.  Thankfully he isn't a convicted felon so the job market isn't shut down for him.  He will be 27 in May.  I pray he stays this way.  Many people don't learn for years down the road until the majority of their life is wasted.  I finally have a somewhat decent relationship with both of my boys.  That is only because of my own journey.  I take my blessings as they come and don't bother to ask why.  I am just thankful.  Peace!

Naughty Girl

Yup, I can be very naughty, just no longer at the expense of myself.  I am ready to fall in love again.  That lustful, yearning, can't eat, sleep etc. kind of love.  It's been so long since someone has made me feel that way.  I know, I'm not 18 anymore, but still.  There is complacent, comfortable companionship.  That is pleasant and safe.  I don't know why this is on my mind this snowy morning.  I want a cross between DeNiro and Pacino and Redford.  Does that even exist?  Throw in a little John Mayer, just, well, because.  Sigh, too much time on my mind.  I guess I know that I left the raunchy life behind which I do not miss because it almost killed me.  The men though, the ones with the gift of gab that can talk you right out of your clothes, I miss them from time to time. 

On another totally different note, looks like the snow storm wasn't what they talked it up to be.  Well, at least I have alot of toilet paper, and milk and cigs.  Oh yeah, and duct tape.  For some reason I don't feel secure in any home unless I have duct tape.  Doomsday training and such. When doomsday does happen, if it happens in my time, you shall see me standing on top of a pharmacy with my monthly scripts and duct tape with the words HELP written on the pharmacy roof. Sorry, I'm in an a weird state of mind this am.  The words just come out.  Time to get in the shower and get ready for my best girlfriends who are enroute for an estrogen filled lunch,.Peace out girl scouts!

It's about me sometimes

This is my morning song, a cry for help to do what is right.  I am growing weary of always trying to make others happy at my own expense. I am not the martyr type of chick, this I know.  Resentments will build and than finally I will blow up.  I am old enough to know better and how to prevent this from happening.  I never realized what a people pleaser I am until now.  I don't want to be in those shoes anymore.  So today is the day that I shall make a change and do for me.  I no longer will be miserable to please another person. Peace!!