Aug 4, 2012

Music, Art, And King Tut

Ever since I was a young girl, music has had an almost powerful hold on me.  I remember being 8 years old with a transitor radio under my pillow. (Yup, I'm in that age group).  My first 45 record that I owned was American Pie by Don McClean.  I had a Mickey Mouse phonograph.  Mickey's hand had the needle to set the music playing.  I became an avid collector of every type of album I could get my hands on.  The 13th year of my life I discovered The Rolling Stones and I was in love, with their songs and Mick Jagger. That was probably the first love of my life.  The Beatles were a close second. I was born in 1966 so I discovered them a tad late.  Music has carried me through my life.  Each song that I hear takes me to a time that I can remember vividly.  I think my generation was the last one before the digital world took over. I changed with the times and now download music of my choice.  I still cry when I hear Fire and Rain by James Taylor.
Has music impacted your life?  Can hearing a special song change your mood?  I walk my dog with my earbuds in listening to whatever the mood calls for.  I swear it kicks my endorphins in. 

I think all children should be exposed to a variety of music and genres. My parents took me to see Liza Minneli at the Civic Center when I was 5. I was in awe. When I was 14 my mom and I took the train to New York to see Annie. I went to museums and historical sites as soon as I could walk. I remember standing in line for 2 hours to see King Tut as The Smithsonian. I thank my parents for exposing me to everything they could. Music and art are such an important part of my life. The thirst to learn has been inside of me my whole life. I wouldn't change that for the world. No matter what age we are, we are constantly learning. I think that is wonderful.

Aug 3, 2012

Mothers and parenting

I did something yesterday that I haven't done for almost a year now.  I called my mother.  We have had a tumultous relationship for many years.  I had alot of anger and resentment towards her.  Was she a great mom?  Not great, but than neither was I.  The best thing about finding peace within is being able to forgive those that are important to you.  We had a very nice conversation and when I hung up I felt like a huge weight was lifted.  Just like my late father, I gave her the absolution that every mother needs.  I told her that my problems were never her fault.  I have come to understand that by my own adult children.  It's classic Freudian thinking to blame the mother for everything wrong in your own adult life. Sometimes not having a great parent gives you some extra stumbling blocks, but as you age you learn.  You take responsibility for the choices you have made.  I was adopted at the age of 4 months old.  I have never been able to find my biological mother or father.  I just know that I was born in Las Vegas, Nevada and my adoption was done in California.  I was always told I was special because I was hand-picked.  When I was 11 my mother was finally able to carry a baby full term and my brother Scott was born.  He constantly had to grow up in my shadow and developed his own issues.  My mom was very blatant for many years about who the favorite was.  That hurt him.  I helped raise him.  I love him.  He is now 33.  We have our own forgiving to do with each other.  When Kenny died and we came back to Baltimore I simply couldn't deal with being Mom's caretaker and psychiatrist.  I had to do me. So Scott stepped in and is now doing what Kenny and I did for her.  They are now finally close. 

I just realized that I would feel horrid if she passed away and I had never picked up the phone.  Some people are wired differently and the love you receive from them is all they are capable of giving.  Once I learned that, things started becoming ok.  People who have mental health issues have so much emotional baggage that they simply don't know how to show love and kindness in the "normal" way.  There is a chart I saw in a parenting class.  Maslow's hierarchy of needs.  The first is to eat, sleep etc.  The next is safety.  Kids need to feel safe. The next one is the need to be loved and belong.  That belonging one is tricky.  If you ask many adults addicts why they started using drugs is because they never felt like they belonged until they met other people who self-medicated.  The self-expectations become lower and the decent starts spiraling.  This is just my opinion. 

Oh well, sorry for going off on a tangent. I just know there is a 60+ woman in Md. who hopefully woke up and feels better today.  I know I do.  Peace!

Jul 30, 2012

Tumbling down....

I have been very busy these past few days.  My sis in law woke up at 2am in the morning and fell down the basement stairs.  She has an orbital fracture and a fractured nose. Tina is covered in bruises from head to toe.  Damn lucky to be alive.  The worst part is that my bedroom is on the third floor so she is crawling, screaming for help and I'm asleep with the dog and my door is shut and my ac is on.  I didn't hear her. I feel horrible.  I sleep very hard.  This is a 3 story house.  The doctor said she is lucky that she didn't die. Out of respect for her I won't post the pictures we took.  She is calling plastic surgeons today because they said the bones are so small they couldn't do it in the ER.

It really makes you think, or at least me, how one little mishap can change your life.  They said she is lucky she isn't blind.  So today I am just going to be content in the fact that the sum contents of my life are equaling out to be greater than this time last year.  I don't take anything for granted,  If I have extra money to go out and have a decent meal, I am thankful.  When the dog slobbers on my face I am happy.  I will post a picture of Harley, my bestest bud in the world these days.  She thinks my car is hers.,shit, she thinks I am hers.  That's a good thing.  Have a great day everyone!