Jul 2, 2011

Our Children

Girl in Teen Psych Ward Sodomized by Patient, Forced to Live With Attacker

I'm not even going to post the story. You can read about it at True Crime. I think I prefer my small town existence nowadays. The local paper has rather pleasant news which is refreshing as hell. I read this story as I was perusing True Crime's website, following the link of a fellow blogger, http://sarcastbastard.blogspot.com/. I read many of the stories on this site and it amazes me how we as a society have changed. Either that or with the ablility we now have to spread news it is just out in the open now. We just now seem waaaay more accepting of what once was unspeakable. Children now seem disposable. When the shit hits the fan, we send out kids away. I was guilty of this for a period of time when my youngest BP went through a rough patch. All the counselors push that this is what is "best" for your child, so I fell for it. My son went to a "facility" for about 8 months to recieve counseling and whatnot. Bottom line, he turned out great, but in my heart I know it was me who dropped the ball. The girl in this story now has a mother who is suing the state for 20 million. Money is wonderful but how you come to get it is a whole different story. Peace.

Jul 1, 2011

Having a good heart?

I am known for having a good heart and being kind. You know what? It keeps biting me in the ass..seriously. I have helped everyone. Loaned out numerous amounts of money. Guess who winds up looking stuck on stupid at the end of the day? Yup, moi. I blame myself for not learning from past mistakes. No more. My heart will still be kind but my wallet is mine. I hate being like that but feeling used for money is worse. So that is a painful but important lesson I have learned. True friends are there whenever, broke our financially bountiful. The rest simply are a waste of time. I hope everyone has a super holiday weekend. Peace!

Jun 26, 2011

I saw this on facebook and had to post it....


I still feel that horrid word...Shame. Many things in my life I am proud of. Just like the ying and the yang, there are shameful moments as well. There is no undo or delete button. No eraser and chalkboard. I am learning to make peace with my demons that keep me up at night. I wish I knew where the root of shame comes from. Most of my shame comes from mistakes made as a parent. There is no damn book. There is also my own personal shame. That is the deepest. Shame from not having the right character at the right time. The only way that I have learned to assuage some of these feelings is simple. I no longer repeat stupid choices. I wake up and just worry about the day at hand. This seems to be working. When the guilt and shame builds up my first instinct is to run or self-destruct. That is no more. My body is too old for any more damage control. Mood stabalizers and madness no more. I am learning that most good feelings come from within. Paxil doesn't help change the facts in the book of my life. The depression comes from shame. Not bad for a laymen chick eh? I meditate now in the early am. That is working. Meditation is my lithium. Waking up and living on faith alone has become a my daily ritual. It is working. Peace!