Feb 17, 2012

One vice to another

Well I still have some learning to do.  I had Jesse come pick his brother up last night.  Jason was here for three days. Every single night he was here he bought a bottle of whiskey.  I am not a fan of alcoholics as my first husband and biological father to the boys was a horrid one.  The first day he was here he charmed the pants off of Tina my sis in law and my nephew. That's what hustler's do.  What I don't understand is his constant need to lie.  He got kicked out of boot camp before 30 days were up.  He is sitting in my living room, drink in hand, telling Tina and Travis how he was in special forces and was in the service for 4 years.  I didn't embarrass him, I simply let the lies flow and went downstairs to my little apt.  That lie about the military was a huge source of conflict between my late husband and him.  Kenny was not a perfect man, but he was proud of the fact that he served his country and had an honorable discharge.  Travis and Tina were so hurt that he felt the need to lie.  I explained to my nephew that sometimes the people who seem so over-confident are the most insecure, hence the need to lie. I have told many a whopper in my time, but that was back in my younger years when I was using.  Just because people stop getting high, doesn't mean they lose the mentality. 

I sat Jason down privately and we both agree that Baltimore is not for him. When Jesse dropped him off I found out that Jason is living in the middle of the hood where you can literally walk out on your stoop and get heroin.  Why would he choose to live there?  That makes me question his sobriety.  When he left he asked me for $20 in his pocket.  He did have a few dollars when he got here.  Money is a red flag for me.  Bottom line, I saw him, he didn't seem to have a dope habit as he woke up and bounced out of bed.  I am, however, not thrilled with the daily drinking.  His liver has seen enough. All the other mom's out there who have children who suffer with the disease of addiction know the feelings and guilt and grief etc. He does want out of Baltimore.  I knew the gist of this visit.  He was putting feelers out to see if maybe he could stay with us. Tina and I both told him that since his brother was told no it would be unfair to say yes to him.  We are still working on getting my nephew on his own two feet. 

They need to do a commercial that show young girls parenting doesn't end when they turn 18.  I don't think it ever ends. Sigh..off to run errands. Enjoy the day...

Feb 14, 2012

Clean And Sober

Some good news.  My older son has come to Dallastown to visit.  He has been clean since January of last year.  We haven't really been talking until recently.  When he walked through my front door last night, I knew.  He looks healthy and sober.  I enjoy his company tremendously whenb he is "right".  Plus, no mother wants to see their kid self-destruct.  Thankfully he isn't a convicted felon so the job market isn't shut down for him.  He will be 27 in May.  I pray he stays this way.  Many people don't learn for years down the road until the majority of their life is wasted.  I finally have a somewhat decent relationship with both of my boys.  That is only because of my own journey.  I take my blessings as they come and don't bother to ask why.  I am just thankful.  Peace!