Jun 14, 2008

Daily Babblings...

Well I have eliminated all psychotropic meds from my daily regimen. The only one I continue to take daily is the Xanax. But the Effexors and meds for my ADD, I totally stopped. My mind feels better than it has in years...Kenny said it has been years since he has seen me this happy, exact quote..."You stopped being such a bitch"...This is my year to change my life in as many positive way as humanly possible. The times they are a changin' and so am I. Going to a Father's Day cook out tomorrow...steamed crabs, corn on the cob, and hamburgers and hot dogs and swimming. We need to get out. For all of you folks who don't appreciate a steamed crab, you don't know what the hell you are missing. The number one delicacy. I will eat plenty for everyone. OH YEAH...for all of you who are on pysch meds...guess what...since stopping, my sex drive is BACK...that was an excellent present for Father's Day.. I am like a pit bull strapped to his chest. He is loving it....It's been awhile....It's all coming together slowly but surely. Life is good today....Baby steps people...those are the only ones that seem to work...and that's ok..


Jun 13, 2008

Sunshine on my shoulders

Decided to go out and heal my mind and spirit by a good bake in the sun...when you are flat on your back and the sun beats down on your bones, especially the tired ones, you can feel the repair. I get so caught up in what I think must be done, daily pressures, demands, that I forgot how good it feels to lay and bake, even the sweat feels healthy. The head is uncluttered when I am getting braised. God knows, my mind is fried (j/k sorta) Sanity is relative I have learned. Some of the most demented people I have spent time with have spouted some of the sagest pieces of advice to me. Go figure....
I think I am going to turn off this old thing and go back out and bake some more...


Jun 12, 2008

just a comment

I wanted to include my pic but that is the only one I have on the computer. It is my brother and I a few years ago...I am going to have my son take one this week...sorry it is so tiny....

Let the madness ensue

Calif. police: Things get ugly at the gas pumps
Tue Jun 10, 8:06 PM EDT
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CYPRESS, Calif. — Violence broke out at the gas pumps in Orange County. Police say a La Palma doctor waiting in line to buy gas at the Costco warehouse store in Cypress grabbed a tire iron and confronted a motorist who cut into the line.

Sgt. Tom Bruce said the doctor was arrested and booked for investigation of brandishing a deadly weapon in a rude, angry or threatening manner, a misdemeanor.

Witnesses told police the doctor was in line at the pumps Monday evening when another vehicle cut in front of him. When the doctor confronted the motorist with a tire iron, the other driver locked himself in his car and called police.

Copyright 2008 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
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I am not fixated on gas, but these stories just catch my eye. I think we will be seeing more and more articles like this, with a gradual progression of more violence. By the way...I won the battle on behalf of mom. They split the back bill over 12 months and tacked it onto the current one. If you call that winning. It took 3 hours of begging and pleading on the phone. The first hour was spent trying to speak to a real human, not an automated voice. I just paid off my own judgment with them...they are brutal. The issue in my state is that they just increased our bill by almost 75 percent in one year. Sorry folks, that is fucked up. Where are the people who represent me and my neighbors? The state is going to force people to start resorting to alternate energy plans..such as...breaking out that extra long orange extension cord and "borrowing" from our neighbors...just kidding I swear.... I have seen it done tho...and that's all I am saying about that...


Livin' Just Enough For The City

Sorry, when I get depressed I listen to some Stevie...This is one of my favorite songs...and on to my issue of the day...
Gotta question for you folks out there paying gas and electric. Do you have a choice of residential providers for electric companies? Well here in Maryland we don't. We have to deal with Constellation Energy (BG&E). They have increased our bill over the last year by 75percent. I am just getting screwed all the way around, no kiss, no lube, no nothing...I am getting ready to fight the fight on the telephone for my mother today who had to go to energy assistance and told they ran out of money. So now I have to beg them to make payment arrangements for a 65 year old woman who has always worked and paid her bills. Ironically, business's have a choice of service providers. Why do they get a choice, and Joe Blow doesn't? Our Govenor-Martin o'Malley certainly has proved to be quite the big disappointment. I personally was a big Kurt Schmoke fan...He wasn't perfect, but he had the average citizen mentality, also Barbara Mikulski is another one who still fights for the local residents. I'll let you all know how this battle with me vs. gas and electric goes today. I might have to pick up the world's oldest profession, don that skirt and glass heels..damn..damn...damn.....( yes, I do own a pair of glass heels, don't ask).......another story for another day....


Jun 11, 2008

$4.05 a gallon??????

What the fuck???? Excuse me, but this is unacceptable. Where is the accountability? I am 41, I remember being a kid and sitting in the gas lines of the 70's, odd and even days. Now it wouldn't make a difference because there would be no line, because people can't afford it. Kenny and I argued last night. I said we should make the price of our wheat commiserate with the price of oil.. He said we can't because that is a crime against humanity, and we would be just like Hitler. I don't agree with him. They are starving us in their own way. The price of my eggs and milk have skyrocketed. I can only whip up so many damn recipes with ground beef...This is all going to eventually lead to another war. I am not the most politically knowledgeable person, but I think it not a coincidence that we are stationed in the Middle East. We aren't leaving anytime soon. What saddens me is this generation seems so oblivious to what is going on right in front of their eyes. Kids don't move out anymore. They can't afford it. I have an 18yr old at home who is totally clueless. My dear Uncle, who is probably the closest thing to an old school hippie, used to drive around in a punchbuggy and make his jewelry out of his car or wherever he could..he was and is the light of my life. He always had his convictions and spoke them, no matter who got offended and that is what I love the most about him. Do our young people have convictions and beliefs, enough passions to sacrifice material things for the greater good. Ride a bike instead of drive. Turn of the damn air conditioning. Plant a garden...My husband thinks they do, he believes it is the older folks who are more set in their ways and more unbending ie, my health, my asmtha, I'm not gonna be around when we run out of oil etc. The same people that marched in Vietnam are the same ones now who are retired and just live their days out. He hears the "not in my lifetime, so why worry"...I believe I agree with him on that. This is what dear hubby told me this morning..

God granted certain people an audience with one question..

A person from North Korea asked,"God, when will my people be free from oppression and dictatorship"..God smiled and said "20 years after you die.."

A person from Africa asked "Heavenly Father, when will my people stop starving, and being killed?" God replied," 40 years after you die"

A person from the United States asked God, "Pleae Father, when will we stop fighting over oil?"

God just cried...

Have a blessed day...Lori

Jun 10, 2008

I got the blues.....

Have to have it all,
immerse myself til I drown,
torture my eyes with visions of pain
taking everyone with me
on my roller coaster ride
down down baby
Sweat runs down my body
toxins from my pores
I want what I want when I want it
don't we all?
Selfish, unyielding, the word no???
Doesn't exist...
I want to feel,
I want to be numb
does that mean I am dumb???
Like a spider, constantly weaving a web
never a break
cutting no-one else one either
Always thinking of a means to an end
as the grass and gravel crumble under my feet
Terminal uniqueness
no happiness in that
Childlike, listen to ME
Dammit, I AM special when I smile, don't you know?
Well you better.
Inhale, exhale
just wanna breath
get off my chest get off of my cloud
let me be
let it be.....

One Nation Under A Groove

Listening to the radio this morning and heard this song, Who Got the Hooch? I think it is by Everlast or Sublime..not sure..got me thinking about alcohol..How alcohol is so very socially acceptable in our society yet, from years of working in bars/restaurants, I have heard many a drunk talk about a stinking junky? Please explain the difference? I have seen many shivering men/women at 6am waiting for the bar to open, just like you see the junkies waiting for their dope in Baltimore. Sick is sick, is it not? I know this is nothing new to write or think about, just something that my mind hasn't grasped yet. Is there a difference between having two glasses of wine to relax or popping a valium? I admit to liking some vino with certain foods, it does complement the food. If you have ever been to a local karaoke bar, I will guarantee you that after a couple drinks there will invariably be a couple up on stage staggering and swaying while they sing, I Got You Babe...brings a tear to the eye, it does...fucking beautiful...I have also seen that same couple after a few more cocktails throwing barstools at each other. Go figure? Drunken love, cocaine lust, heroin nods...vomiting pills....the whole damn gamut....one big merry go round, that never stops, unless you are brave enough to jump off. I think I will just watch the damn whales...

Have a beautiful day, Lori

Jun 9, 2008


Been awhile since I have posted, been reading online alot. Started packing some odds and ends up. Just haven't felt the primal urge to write, more of an urge to scream. I hate going thru boxes and making the decision- save/throwaway.....I wouldn't say I am a packrat...I do seem to have acquired quite a bit of paper documents...Most of which are unnecessary and just take up space. I quit where I was working because we made a decision as a family that the little bit of money I was making simply wasn't worth me not being home. The one thing I have learned this week being home, is this...there isn't shit on tv..sorry for the language..I love watching stuff like Blue Planet. The ocean never ceases to amaze me. It is probably beautiful and pure because we humans don't inhabit it. This episode was about the magnificent blue whale. What an amazing creature. Just sitting watching dolphins and whales I can literally feel my blood pressure lowering. To quote my doctor...The mind is a powerful thing...(I am sure he isn't the only one to spout that quote) So I am getting things in order, paying off debts that I can, and gearing up for a change. As someone has told me "Ain't nothin to it but to do it"...