No more Auggie

Well my best friend is gone. I loved that dog like I gave birth to him. Cars and dogs do not bode well. I tell myself he is with Kenny. I don't think he liked it here. He kept wanting to run. He went for his final run. I hope he is free. The shit cycle of life just continues at the present. Coping with it all is the hard part. If I could, I would just crawl under my covers and stay there. Not in a good place today.....

Change and other....

Change is scary. Many of us are terrified of going out of our comfort zone. Change usually happens when you are up against the wall and you realize that whatever you are doing simply isn't working anymore, or circumstances beyond your control happen and force the change. I did a personal inventory and decided things I want to change. I know it's going to be a slow process, but it is necessary for me to be happy. I want to wake up and embrace the day instead of dreading it. I am a happy creature by nature, but lately been overwhelmed. My boss reprimanded me about overtime yesterday, yet he gave me the hours. I make $3.13 an hour, how much overhead am I really consuming? I am getting ready to make some major changes in my life, one change at a time. Kenny used to tell me about the arcs of life. My arc is now changing. I feel it. I no longer have the time or patience for stupidity. I can fake it at work, as that is my job. However in my personal life, I made up my mind I will no longer do that. It is too draining. My pleasures in life are very simple, and I don't want anything to interrupt them. That includes family members. I have an uncle who is very sick right now in California. I have airfare tucked away in case I need to fly out and see him. He is my only relative that is super special to me. Thankfully he remarried and has a delightful wife. So he is in good, safe, loving hands. That makes me sleep easier. I don't have a "bucket list" per say, but I do have my change list ready to go. There is a whole big world out there. Baggy Pants graduates May 15th, thank God. Once he graduates I am going to start exploring this world and making my changes. I will fulfill my parental obilgations, which never end,lol, but than it shall be MY time. I have a story to tell. People I want to meet face to face. Places that I have never been to, that I shall finally go.. I simply am going to start doing "me"... Here is to a new Arc in life....

Strung out in suburbia

That seems to be more and more prevalent these days. Soccer moms popping their phentermine. Angry moms with their Xanax. Smiling grandmas eating their percocets. Tired students popping Ritalin. Kudos to the pharmaceutical companies for finally giving the corner dope dealers a run for their money. Waitress's carrying your tray of food, with a smile and a Fentanyl patch. I don't agree or disagree. I take medication that I need or I would not be able to work. I just have noticed the shift. Most of the younger drug addicts that I used to know are now on pain management. They switched from the illegal to the legal. It's safer, more dependable and you know what you are getting. It keeps parole and probation happy too. Win win for all. I guess. A man shall never have a limp dick again, thanks to Viagra. Smilin' Bobs abound. So the Mrs. Smilin Bob takes valium at night because she thought after 50 years Bob would give it a break. I try to imagine Kenny and I at 80, him still waking me up with a woody in the early am. Hmmmm...don't know, cause I am not 80 and he is dead, but it just makes me wonder. Are my legs restless? Do I need Abilify because I do get depressed sometimes? I believe in the early times Heroin was touted as a great elixir. Women took a powder. We are a self-medicating society. That I do know. What I am wondering is, what life was like before all the wonder drugs? Have a great day...Time for my afternoon medication....

Sanctified...

Let's go back to church. Let's go back. Anywhere, somewhere. A place to find solace, comfort. Wherever your place might be. Find it, treasure it..I want to see the sisters swinging as they sing. I want to see the joy. It is contagious. Lately been feeling something spiritual is missing, don't know what, it is just missing. Been so damn long that I have felt this way, that I am rather surprised by what I am feeling. I want to be ready for that train. Kenny took his ride and I saw it in his face, he was ready. When the last breathe left his body, I saw it in his eyes, even though they were already "dead". He knew where he was headed I now know, and he was okay with it. The last year before he died he had gotten immensely spiritual. He used to tell me to get myself right because he wouldn't be able to protect me when that day would come. So that is another goal, I think my most important one. The soul needs to be nurtured and cared for. It is thirsty. Time for me to drink up. Cheers my mates...

The most beautiful sound in the world...