Aug 8, 2009

Can you ever win being a parent?????

My son bucked and fought about moving to Georgia. Told us we ruined his life. Well now that I have found a place he is mad, again. I give up. I love that baggy pants wearing kid with all my heart. I thought he would be ecstatic about moving back to Bmore, HIS hometown...I do believe it might be a case of the laziness about packing and moving. Yeah it sucks, but so does me being miserable everyday. I understand his fears about the temptations that lurk in the big city, but those same demons are here also. They are everywhere. Ask any recovering addict.. Geographical change works for some time, but if you want something bad enough, you will find it. This child has not accomplished anything since we have moved here, except to get very good at playing world of warcraft. That's wonderful, but the real world is zooming by and I am not going to be alive forever. That virtual reality that these kids have nowadays I am afraid isn't always so great. When I was growing up we all wanted to move out at 18. See the world, be on our own. What the f happened? I now see a bunch of young adults living in their parents basements because they chose some crazy major that isn't applicable in the job market. They look for jobs on the Internet rather than go out in person. God forbid. I have always gotten a job by walking in the front door and meeting the hiring manager and shaking their hand. Sigh, and my dad walked 20 miles in cardboard shoes to school...the saga never ends...

Aug 7, 2009

Can U Feel It????

Can you feel me being happy today? Yes, I woke up feeling incredibly blessed and thankful. I had a great night at work last night, got a special bonus in the mail. The sun is shining and I feel God smiling. I don't have many days like this as of late. So I am taking time to rejoice and share the "mood". Every time I feel like like wallowing in the mire of poo, God taps me on my shoulder and says "Hey you, kiddo, shake it off and count the blessings you receive"... I might also add that I met a girl who turned out to be a coke dealer and she was very persistent and enticing. Guess what, I just laughed and said "Oh no thanks, haven't done coke since the 80's" (a lie) but it worked, and I came home all money and funds and sanity in tact. The best advice I ever got recovery wise is that as soon as someone offers you drugs, (when you are clean and sober is when they are freely offered) make the word NO spill from your lips before any other word. That was the best advice I ever got in my life. I have used it many times. I am also feeling happy because in about 3 weeks I am moving back HOME.. An old friend has a nice house with a mother-in-law apt for my mom and two rooms for Baggy Pants and I. It is exactly what we pay here. In civilization. I am not built to live in the south. Just to damn blunt and I am tired of saying yes ma'am when sometimes the right response is "Would you fucking order already"....Sorry God for the profanity. Working of curbing it. I have prudently banked my money so I have two months to find a job and I just am going with my heart. Plus, my brother-in-laws unemployment runs out next month, which cuts their income down in half and I want to run out right before their money does. Just kidding....(I think) Kenny got to die in a beautiful place, but it is too painful to come home to the house and bed he died in. I don't care if it takes years but the VA will pay for what they did to him. So just spreading sunny thoughts and sunshine to everyone who reads my babble and please, count your blessings. Even when they don't seem to amount to much, you are blessed each and every day.

Peace Out.

Aug 6, 2009

Emailing Faux Pas

Yup, I did it.. Sorta like a drunk dial. I was up bright and early yesterday responding and sending emails. Well I screwed up in a huge way. I love my brother in law dearly. For the last months they borrow at least about $100-$300 a month. They always pay me back promptly. Well I was emailing a family member and I the word I used was vulture. Guess what? When the drop down menu hit to give me a list of people to send the email to, I accidentally sent it to him. I got the hurt feelings phone call late last night. Some people say there are no accidents in life. Their household brings in twice as much as mine. My income is totally dependent on how many people I can get to by a $22 steak. So I can't figure out why they must come to me monthly to borrow money. That's all. I feel horrible about hurting his feelings. This is my late husband's brother. Kenny is the one who always warned me about his brother. I appreciate very much how his brother stepped up to the plate when Kenny got sick, but I should be the one borrowing money from them, not the other way around. His wife is on SSI plus gets a settlement check every month. He doesn't work, because he was savvy enough to marry someone who has a nice fixed income. He also collects unemployment. So I just was having a bad morning looking at my finances and it came out. Sometimes I think the subconscious has more control than we know. That was more than a Freudian slip. I really don't have the balls to hurt people's feelings in public unless I am bordering on incensed. So word to the wise, when you send an email, check again to make sure who you are sending it too.

Aug 4, 2009

40 +

I am starting to savor being over 40. Especially since I work with a majority of very young girls. Damn it, I feel wise. I listen to young one #1 cry over some boyfriend who is mistreating her, and I continue to listen another 5 months later, same guy, same story. The whole time thanking God it's not me. I watch the commercials on late night television for anti-aging products and just don't get it. Why spend money to defeat the inevitable. I loved every wrinkle and smile line in my late husband's face. Drooping skin and all. He, loved mine. I don't want to be married to Smilin' Bob. I am thankful that my breasts don't point directly to China. There is some perk left. This country is so age obsessed. What is the point? As in everything there is a beginning, middle and finally an end. Why do we refuse to accept what nature has given us? The only personal vanity I concede is I do die my hair, and that is because I have 8 grey hairs, 4 on each side that are very wiry, so I do die them. That is my one vanity. I see women with ridiculously Botoxed lips, breasts that don't naturally bounce. Maybe if I was incredibly rich I would have a different outlook, but I doubt it. I don't like being under a doctors care, and all that surgery etc looks rather painful. Why can't we, especially women, rejoice in who we are, rather than what we look like. Sure, I like to get dressed up sometimes, throw on the war paint and go out. At the end of the day, you shall see me playing with my dog, in cut off shorts and a tank top and a pony tail, watering my flowers. That is me. Also, the older you get, the more set in your ways you become. I doubt I could change the inner me for anyone. The inner self develops at a very young age and basic traits stay with us for the rest of our lives. I just wish I could shake some of the Housewives of Atlanta, New Jersey and Orange County, (you know those shows)and let them know that sometimes they look more beautiful when they aren't trying. The wisdom that comes with age is worth more than any lip injection or breast implant. Yes, appearance does matter in the job market. It should be your resume that speaks, not your puffy lips or silicone breasts. I like the comfort that comes with being 42. I no longer care what the Jone's think. I never did, but now I really don't. I care what my reflection in the mirror tells me about how I am doing, personally and spiritually. I no longer waste my preaching and lectures on these young ones. It is wasted breath. I listen. That is it. I like my age. My main concern seems to be taking my vitamins and walking and staying somewhat healthy. When I lay my head down on my pillow at night, after moving my 85lb dog over, I feel content and blessed for every experience, good and bad, that has shaped and molded me into the person I am today. Plus, I think I would look silly with inflated lips, and what the hell would that accomplish? Relish and rejoice in who you are all you over 40 folks, men and women. We have made it half-way through a very hard journey. That is the real accomplishment to me. Be well, get your colons checked and eat properly. Never lose your sensibilities and keep you minds active at all times. Here is a toast to another 40+.

Aug 3, 2009

Bill Hicks - Wikiquote

Bill Hicks - Wikiquote: "'Great Times on Drugs'
That's what I hate about the war on drugs. All day long we see those commercials: 'Here's your brain, here's your brain on drugs', 'Just Say No', 'Why do you think they call it dope?' … And then the next commercial is [singing] 'This Bud's for yooouuuu.' C'mon, everybody, let's be hypocritical bastards. It's okay to drink your drug. We meant those other drugs. Those untaxed drugs. Those are the ones that are bad for you"

Billy Jean and some more shit...

I understand that Michael Jackson has passed away.
What I don't comprehend is all the interest in his death.
Every news magazine and tabloid is all about him.
Yes, I used to enjoy some of his music.
That was pretty much it.
There are plenty of eccentric folks everywhere, so his personal antics,
they never interested me.
Many things of importance are currently going on in this big world of ours.
I just don't know where daily updates on him are that worthy
of print.
Plus, there is all this "shock" at the numerous medications
and presriptions etc.
That is not news folks.
That is what it is.
So now the witch hunt has started for the horrid doctors that prescribed
him everything and anything.
In the end, he was the one who made the choice to ingest any medications.
So to me, he was responsible and only him for taking them.
He drug-seeked and he found.
That just doesn't seem newsworthy on a daily basis.
I want to read about what is going to happen to my healthcare, the housing situation,
anything and everything except about him.
Whatever happened to rest in peace?