Oct 20, 2010
My eyes are wide open, yet my body is so tired. So I said fuck it, I'll write. My mental health has improved to the point that the gloom and doom has lifted. (Might be the Paxil) I spent the hours between 3am til now cleaning my bedroom. The lights are out and my lone candle is burning. There is something peaceful about laying in bed in total silence dumping my thoughts. I had some girlfriends over tonight and we watched a movie and chilled. For the first time in my life I realize that I am no longer someone's wife. I have been married twice, although the first one was just the sperm donor for my boys. I am now 43 and alone, but blessed with good friends. My kids are grown, or so they think. It hit me tonight that I am now accountable to ME. It's like putting your favorite shoes away in the closet and breaking in the new ones. The blisters are starting to heal. Peace.
Oct 18, 2010
I woke up this morning and that early fall chill was definetly in the air. I ang m already having visions of snow, salt and shovels. The Farmers Almanac said this winter is going to be brutal. I barely made it through last winter. I know, I am slightly compulsive thinking about snowstorms before Halloween, but it is what it is. I see so many hardened faces and I wonder what goes through their mind. Are they happy with the hand that life has dealt them? Who knows? I sometimes feel like we are little ants trying to etch out an existence for ourselves, no matter how meager. Right now my coffee cup is getting rather low and that is unacceptable, so ta ta for now folks. Be thankful for what you have.
Oct 17, 2010
Time for my weekly late Sunday breakfast out. I have a friend who comes over every weekend. We go out on Saturday night for dinner, and than Sunday morning for breakfast. I find myself treasuring these weekend moments. It gives me a sense of purpose and pleasure to enjoy being with someone again. Never thought I would see the day that I would enjoy human companionship. Time to go eat.