Feb 20, 2009

Pending visit from family member

It looks like I might be having a houseguest this afternoon. My brother in law had come down to visit, and when he saw how cheap the cost of living is down here, it sparked his interest. His wife is on SSI and he is collecting unemployment. They are running out of money where the currently live. So, according to him, he loaded his van late last night and his Georgia bound and should arrive around 11am this morning. He is a good guy, and an excellent mechanic. His game plan is to find a job, and a home and than send his wife down. I wish him luck on the job front. I am a waitress. No matter where we move, there will always be a job for me. Most of the men is this town are unemployed. In a small town, a local man will always get the job before a northerner in most cases. This is a town where when "Joe" applies for a job, he mentions his Uncle Bob who went to school with so and so.. Everyone knows everyone. There is a loyalty down here to hiring local. We are not unundated with forgeign store owners. You walk into most convience stores, they are all American owned and operated, as are their employees. In Baltimore most 7-11's and corner stores are owned by Koreans, Indians and others who have come here to make their better way. That doesn't fly down here. He has been reading the help wanted section online up north in the local paper here and has been making calls. I wish him well and hope it works for him. We just got very lucky as the housing was here before we were. My landlord lives in Baltimore and is my friend. That is what prompted us to take the chance in the first place. We knew that just on fixed income we could afford this house, no matter what. I do admire anyone willing to get on the road and take a chance nowadays to find a better way for their family. He and his wife are the one's who brought Baggy Pants to GA, when noone else could convince him this is where he needed to be. That meant so much to me. So we will do our best to help him get on his feet and find his little job and house so he and his wife can live out there next 20-30 years in some kind of comfort and not poverty. Clean sheets await.

Feb 19, 2009

After the rain

Have been wide awake since about 3am. Brutal rain storm. It's actually beautiful to watch the storm as the wind blows and the water hits the lake. My satellite dish went out for a few, that wasn't so beautiful. So today is my big day off. I planted some flowers out front yesterday, and now I don't have to worry about watering them for a few. Going to be a dometicated day. There is a sense of pride after the laundry is done and all the dusting and cleaning is done. I stand back and look at my home-making handiwork and am pleased. I do have a candle fetish. My home has some fragrance at all times from a gingerbread tealight to an angelfoodcake candle. Depends on the mood. I thank God that my pleasures in life are fairly unexpensive. I watched Baggy Pants take out the fishing rod yesterday and sit at the pier. That was a moment. He did have to have his MP3 player with him, but otherwise looked rather Norman Rockwellish, except for those huge shorts of his. I am learning to concede on the small things and save my strength for more important issues. So many book written about rearing your children and in my opinon, they amount to a pile of shite. I am not impressed with the Dr.Phil's of the world. They don't live in my home. Well to all, a great and blessed day. Must get started on my handi-work.

Feb 18, 2009

Stimulating thoughts and what not

Stimulus plans, housing help, it makes me think about my father. My dad was a frugile man. Had the mentality of "Never borrow against the store". I remember being 11 years old and we owned a house. My mother (prior to their divorce) was so happy to be a homeowner. My father hated that house. He knew that he couldn't afford it. My dad worked 6 days a week. I rememember heated arguements between my two parents, he begging her to turn off the air conditioner, he told he to go to the mall and use their's as it was free. My dad believed in the power of cash. The older he got the more he kept and withheld from the bank. He liked knowing it was there. Tangible, in his pocket. We sold that house when I was 12 or so I think. We ate very cheaply that year and a half my dad owned the house. He payed his mortgage in a timely fashion, but when the plumbing went up, so did the for sale sign. He wouldn't borrow against the house that he could barely afford, to fix the plumbing. He said it made him uncomfortable to owe a bank that much money. My brother and I always made fun of him, called him cheap etc..jokes with love. My dad died, he donated his body to science. He didn't want his now wife to have to pay for a funeral. He ironically bought a second house later in life for his second wife. He hated that house too. When my father was alive he was generous to his family, denying us or others nothing. He died relatively broke. The bank took the house from his wife, her kids ran my dad's business into the ground within 6 months. My step-mother now lives in West Virginia with eldest daughter, who takes good care of her. My two step-sibilings are still pissing in the wind. Life has went on. I wonder what my dad would have thought about the economic times we are facing these days. A nation of payday loans that we can't pay back. His old oyster and beer spot a dope dealers corner now. I think he might be resting more peacefully than he would be living.

Feb 16, 2009

Be a gentle soul

What inspires people to be kind? That was on my mind tonight at work. Just as there are certain people who are always mean-spirited, I wonder if it comes from within or if you acquire a certain disposition. I see my mother, 65, without a friend in the world, her aura is so negative you feel it when you are anywhere near her. She is the woman you stand behind in the grocery store who is so short with the clerk and nasty that you just shake your head. She is the cross I bear. When she slams her cart into another customer at Walmart, I always apologize for her. She says that they need to watch where the hell they are going. I look at her with pity. Just as I try to be kind hearted, her spirit is vindictive and bitter. My motto is shake it off and move on, life is too short. She is a keeper of grudges. When I tell her to enjoy her retirement, the reply is her whole life has been shit, so why should anything change now. I couldn't fathom having that mindset. I wouldn't want to be alive. I am slowly learning that I can't force good wil and kindness and all my hippy dippy philosophy on another. I couldn't imagine having a heart filled with coldness and apathy for my fellow man. Yes, there were times in my life that I was a selfish person, but that was due to an addiction that consumed me for a certain period of years. Even in that misery, I knew deep inside there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Just like I learned to stop my younger self destruction, I have learned to accept the fact that some people don't have it in their DNA to be joyful, or even make a pretense at trying. Misery is their friend. The martyr, poor me etc. I will take compassion and empathy over self-pity and a black heart anyday.