Saturday mornings..coffee and movies..Hot breakfast. Serenity. Hiding from the world on the couch or behind this monitor. Flowers are blooming, and my dog is growing. Back to work tonight. At the point now where I don't even care what I make. Money doesn't really make me happy. Whatever I make, is already spent...How can someone sell a gallon of milk for $4.79? And yet I am supposed to have mental health issues...please...If any of you have a chance please watch the documentary The Zeitgeist...I have mentioned it before, just type it in your search engine and the link will pop up. It speaks about everything that is happening today, the economy, our planet etc...One nation under God? I can't tell...people don't seem very civilized these days. "Gotta get mine" seems to be the mainstream mentality. Maybe I am just an aging flower child...even tho I am technically too young...my heart and spirit is still living 25 years ago...when people still pulled over to help a stranded motorist, when people didn't ignore a crime in progress- cause they are "too busy"...When I was 14 we used to hitchhike..safely...nowadays I am uneasy walking to get a pack of smokes at night. The ignorance of youth? Maybe, but I do remember a certain something in the air back then. People would pick you up, offer you a ride, a puff off of a doobie, take you to your destination and wish you well. I no longer have that confidence. I feel that I am the same person, but that this "new world" that we are living in, simply isn't for me...
May 30, 2008
I saw this pic/quote and I dig it. I feel like I am always spending my time in the perpetual search for being "happy"..Well, I am now learning to find my happiness within and right around me. This month I have lowered my meds to a point where I am walking the line and am getting more and more clear-headed. Too many years spent medicating my feelings. My husband has successfully eliminated most of his meds except for the necessary ones. We have talked and set a goal to pack up and move to PA as soon as we find the right place for us. However many more years God has planned for us, I want to enjoy them, no more contention, bullshit or stress. To quote, ahem, Eminem, I am cleaning out my closet. From being in the service industry for so many years, I am a great fan of people-watching. I now have a great appreciation for the seniors. So much life experience, pain and happiness, etched unto their faces. Sunshine and rain, joy and pain....I now know what people meant when they told me at 23 that I was "just a baby"...how wise I thought I was. Wrong!!! For all the people that read my babble, and comment, especially the man that walks....the support is wonderful and personally gives me much needed strength. As Gloria Gaynor has said, "I will survive"...(sorry I am not quoting any deep, scholarly type folks) The restaurant is failing and it is making me sad. Again, my boss is 25, and has no support from the owners...all the more motivation to make our move. I have done some research and there are plenty of restaurants, nice, family type places in the areas we are looking at. So I have no guilt about moving on...Guilt is something else I am working at eliminating from my life. Guilt weighs a ton, and I am tired of carrying it on my back....Have a wonderful weekend fellow bloggers...
May 28, 2008
Just a little warped humor this afternoon. Time to go back to work today. I have a job interview at 3:30 before I go in, at a busy diner. I need to generate some serious cash. I am starting to lose faith in my 25 year old general manager. AS nice and as honorable as he is, I don't think he is "seasoned" enough, maturity wise, to have a restaurant/bar thrown in his lap, The owners have no experience running a restaurant, they think they can just come by once a week and collect their money. Wrong!!! It's a damn shame, cause I really like working there, but if this job pans out I am going with it. My girlfriend worked their and said she made at least $100-$150 a day, and that a bad day was $60...I can live with that. I am tired of getting dressed up everyday to go to work and not doing anything, and not making any money. My short-term goal is to save every penny I make and to get us a little place in the country. The cost of living in PA,from what we have researched,is a little bit lower than Baltimore. Which means we can stretch Kenny's SSI check a bit further every month. Kenny is feeling the burden of paying all the bills, and he is getting overwhelmed. So wish me good luck on my interview today...
May 26, 2008
Sorry for my lack of posting. Had a rough week....Back on track and back on my meds. We went to visit my brother-in-law and his wife in Parkton, right on the PA line. They just found a beautiful house to rent for $800 a month!!! It sits on 3 acres. I brought the dog and it was wonderful. The kind of house where you can wake up and go sit out on your deck naked if you wish and drink your morning java. It was a very nice get together. The older I get the more I prefer quiet country living. I am going to start researching some places in the Del-Marva area and see if we can find something similar for ourselves. I thrive in a peaceful place. When I was younger I was addicted to chaos and contentioin...Now I run from those situations. I hope everyone reading my trite and inane little blog has a wonderful holiday weekend.