Nov 14, 2009

Rain rain go away...I have to go to work today

I just read a fellow blogger's post about being retired and it made me think. What the hell would I do if I didn't work? Watch crappy tv? Eat too much? Sit on the computer ALL day? The only goal I really would like to pursue is travel. London Calling. Since I was a little girl. Other than that though, I think I truly enjoy working. No matter where I have worked the workplace becomes an extended part of my family. This job is special to me as I just came back and have known many people there for at least 10 or so years. I feel safe there. I enjoy most of their company. My parents generation lived for retiring. The only retired people that I have met that are truly happy are the ones who were financially prudent and saved so they could actually live their dream. The economy is making it hard for retired folks. Walk into any Wal-Mart in the USA and there is the smiling senior at the door to greet you. I always wonder if they do it to supplement their income or for a sense of purpose. I have worked since I was 15. Except for two years in my life, having a job was a given. I happen to know most of the Wal-Mart greeters on a first name basis. I spend too much money at that store. I always hope that if I show them that their job is important it might brighten their day. Yes, I am weird. The karmic wheel rolls constantly. I wait on some very nasty people as well as nice. I smile at all of them. Even the ones who are known motherfuckers. I refuse to give a miserable human the satisfaction of making me miserable. We had a girl show up to work last night high as a kite on heroin. Thanks to her "highness"...I got to take all her tables while she kept explaining to the owner that she wasn't high, just tired. Than I remembered that was me many years ago at the same store. Ironic huh? She is also a re-hire. Begged for her job back. She reminded me last night of how I want to live my life. Every night I come home I have this man/child staring at me asking me how my night went. Than we eat, talk etc...I also can tell that he is checking me out, to make sure I am "right". He is like an elephant, he never forgets. Don't know how I got off on the retiring topic, just happened. I guess I realized I must be prudent and wise with my earnings or instead of traveling when I retire I will be smiling at you when you walk into Wal-Mart. *Nothing wrong with that*, just not what I aspire to for my waiting golden years. Sarcastic Bastard, if I ever meet a man I will burn his socks if they are black.

Nov 11, 2009

Cutting the ties

I am always saying how I am going to eliminate toxic people from my life. The last one is finally gone. My mother. We have been co-existing for the last 5 or so years. She is one of the most inhumane people I have ever encountered. For years every single person I have met has told me to get away from her. So now she officially is moving in to a Golden Girls type house. She is 66 and has not one friend on the planet. She once told my son that he was like a piece of shit stuck in her ass that she couldn't expel. Direct quote. Kenny made us go to family counseling. She said she had made that comment in jest. I grew up on those comments. It is almost like another death. I am adopted. I always wonder why she adopted an infant when she is not the least bit maternal. I was four months old. Than 11 years later she got pregnant with my brother. She always reminds him that he was an accident. I always joke with my friends that if she was a reptile she would have eaten us. So another person is removed from my life. It is Jesse left that I must complete raising. I told him about his grandmother, and he just shrugged his shoulders. He is doing well in school. Wrote a piece about Hamlet that he got an A on. The boy has a great brain. He is just very private. I am an open person. We watched Twilight together on the computer before we fell asleep last night. I love that child. We have a rather unusual relationship. There are trust issues on his part and me always trying to prove myself to him. At the end of the day we have our moments. That is my son. I will be a better mother than mine. That is my end goal. I have an empty feeling inside knowing that my mother is officially going to be erased from my life. That part is going to be my choosing. I am tired of the years of hurt and pain. Can't deal with it anymore. I am slowly making new friends and I am going to be okay. My son will be okay. Why is it so hard when it is family to extract them and remove them? Sometimes I wish there was a delete button or undo button in real life. Peace..

Nov 8, 2009


I am thankful for many things in my life. It might not seem like much. i have a job, a roof over my head and food. I am working with old, dear friends. Progress financially is slow, but I am starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Sunday mornings are my favorite time to reflect. I get up early so I have time to read and write before I got to work. Oh yeah, can't forget my dog. My son goes without saying. We had a few dollars to splurge at McDonalds, ugh, last night. It made him happy and it made me feel good to give him $10 to go. Once I get squared away rent wise etc, my next goal is to see the (dentist). Very scared. My top teeth need alot of work. They are causing me tremendous pain. So I am going to call the medical school and see what needs to be done adn how much. I have always taken care of my teeth, even when I was actively using, Now I am on 3 different types of medicine, been taking them for the last 5 years. The dentist told me that most meds make your mouth dry, which is what causes tooth decay. They even make a special toothpaste for people who take medication to keep saliva in your mouth. So that is my next important goal. Time to get ready for work. My days off are Monday and Tuesday. So this is my personal THANK GOD IT'S SUNDAY!!!!!