Exhale

I have been hitting my knees lately, getting and receiving comfort the only real way I know how. It's working. I wish Kenny could feel what I feel. I embrace my daily blessings, they might seem small or trite to others, but that's ok. I cherish them. To quote Jim Morrison..."no time to wallow in the mire"...I am simply shaking it off, things do get better. Stop over-thinking and just let go....I still believe in the innate goodness of mankind. I refuse to let that belief go. In daily life I receive gestures that re-enforce that yes indeed, there are good people out there. Spent too much time fighting to quit now. I just am going to be more deliberate in the battles I pick. It about family, my family. That is a worthy battle. I have learned many lessons, time to implement the knowledge. Every thing is going to be alright...I believe...

Peace....

it gets worse

Why do I bother checking the mail? It seems to be a cycle of bad news. Todays gut crusher was a letter from SSI, stating my son's SSI is now cut off because he is 18. J turned 18 in February. He just completed the 11th grade. He is in a summer school work program. Full time. Plus he is working two jobs. I had sent them all the necessary paper work. So the government dude tells me on the phone that is was their oversight, and don't worry, if his check doesn't come next month, don't worry, he will get two in September. What the fuck good is that? Bills come every month. He will be starting his senior year this September. It just seems like the house of cards is collapsing, mostly financial. I am trying to keep a positive mindset, but damn, "they" make it hard. I am becoming a master juggler...I would do a circus proud. It's just the plates are starting to spin to fast and I can't afford to break not one. Pray for me to keep my strength....

Peace...

My pants are too big...

This tickled me. Guess why my son couldn't go to work? His belt broke and apparently none of his pants fit, cause they hang below his ass. I had to call his boss and tell him that he had a doctors appointment. He was genuinely upset about his pants situation. What planet do i live on when you can't work cause you are worried about your buttocks showing? Kenny and I are referring to this as the Great Belt Crisis of '08. Gotta love your kids...

Peace

If you remember John Prine...Sam Stone

Listening to Sam Stone by John Prine..I have always liked his music..classic American folk...
©John Prine

Sam Stone came home,
To his wife and family
After serving in the conflict overseas.
And the time that he served,
Had shattered all his nerves,
And left a little shrapnel in his knee.
But the morphine eased the pain,
And the grass grew round his brain,
And gave him all the confidence he lacked,
With a Purple Heart and a monkey on his back.

Chorus:
There's a hole in daddy's arm where all the money goes,
Jesus Christ died for nothin' I suppose.
Little pitchers have big ears,
Don't stop to count the years,
Sweet songs never last too long on broken radios.
Mmm....

Sam Stone's welcome home
Didn't last too long.
He went to work when he'd spent his last dime
And Sammy took to stealing
When he got that empty feeling
For a hundred dollar habit without overtime.
And the gold rolled through his veins
Like a thousand railroad trains,
And eased his mind in the hours that he chose,
While the kids ran around wearin' other peoples' clothes...

Repeat Chorus:

Sam Stone was alone
When he popped his last balloon
Climbing walls while sitting in a chair
Well, he played his last request
While the room smelled just like death
With an overdose hovering in the air
But life had lost its fun
And there was nothing to be done
But trade his house that he bought on the G. I. Bill
For a flag draped casket on a local heroes' hill.

Repeat Chorus

Such a simple song, but it says so much.......

God Bless All...Lori

My own bucket list

Yup, I am not being morbid, but I am starting to think of all the things that I have yet to do, that I would like to do in the next (God willing) 20-30 years. The move is just about done, right on the Md/Pa line, but it is beautiful and quiet. Still hot and sweaty and tired. Does anyone out there still have yearnings for things they have yet to conquer or accomplish? Is it foolish or childlike to still want to run over 40? Not literally run, but break certain shackles that hold you personally hostage...I am starting to accomplish them, one shackle at a time. Still adjusting to life on life's terms (for the most part)..not sure how much I like it yet, but I know my pharmacy bill is decreasing. So we do what we must. Indeed, I am now going to devote these next days of mine to my own personal and mental growth. If you are negative and bring me down, than please stay the hell away from me. I believe that vibe is contagious....that includes my husband, whom I love dearly, but when he goes thru his black mental holes, I am just going to let him be. I can't fix anyone but me...that is the first thing on my list....have a blessed day...