Reminiscing about you.
20 years ago.
It was supposed to be something intimate, between us.
Just for fun here and there.
The fun stopped when you fell in love with the needle and the spoon.
How could I compete?
At 22 the answer was to join you, so I wouldn't be left out.
I used to respect you so much.
If you told me the sky was purple, it didn't matter what my own two eyes saw.
I believed you.
I remember the day our relationship changed.
It was the day I watched you hide in the closet from the dope man.
My big strong man, hiding in a pile of dirty clothes so he wouldn't get shot.
I never forgot that day.
How we made it to the other side I'll never know.
We did and I am glad.
I have to respect you to love you.
The day you hid in the dirty laundry was my turning point.
Something so simple, yet so huge.
I loved our life, the ups and downs, but I will never again compete with something I can't win.
Sep 10, 2009
There are people in your life that you will encounter who are toxic. Their fumes creep into your nasal passages and take over your senses slowly but surely. I have learned a hard lesson that some people simply don't change. Wishing doesn't make it so. There are no magic wands for people such as these. So I am learning that I must protect myself from the toxic ones. They wear devious smiles, always ready with a story or explanation, because whatever mess they create, it is never their fault. If you are not healthy for me to be around, please go away. My life is complicated enough. I have no room in my life for people like you.
Sep 8, 2009
Shaking the blues away. I must get ready for the future. Turn the page so to speak. I am sure Georgia is a lovely state. I can find beauty anywhere. The memories here are just too painful. Baltimore is what it is, but that is what I know and that is where all my resources are. Time to shake the blues away, get my ass outta these pj's and get my head clear. Thanks to everyone who has offered me encouragement along the way. You have no clue what it means to me. I am still awaiting for the Senator's office to give me the results of Kenny's official inquest. He died June 1 and they have escalated it to the director's office. It is September now and nothing has been resolved. This is the one thing I won't let go. I will fight the good fight so no one else has to experience watching their loved ones suffocate to death due to lack of medical supplies. I don't care how many years it takes. So I reaching deep within myself and getting my butt in gear for a new beginning. The encouragement I receive from all of your comments inspires me and give me hope that I am not alone in this big globe. Thank you all so much. I think a shower if the first thing in order. Have a great day.