Jul 13, 2012


Guess who can now legally drive? Yup, moi.  I have had a suspended license since *blush* 1994.  I just never bothered to pay the fines for all these years.  After four trips to DMV I brought every paper known to man and bam, walked out with my permit.  The law in most states is if you haven't driven in 6 months or more you have to start from scratch. So I have a temporary permit and than Wednesday I get my "official" license.  I have been applying for a few jobs now that I know I am not so limited in where I can work.  This was probably the best high I've had in 20 years.  I originally got my license when I was 18 and than lost it at around 26 or so.  Since I have left Baltimore nothing but good things, for the most part, have been happening.  I am taking that as a sign that I made the right choice. 

Now my next goal is to get gainful employment that makes me happy.  I know, a tall order in today's economy.  Thank goodness that I am an eternal optimist.  I want to wake up and be eager to go to work.  When you do what you love for a living it really isn't work.  A girl can still dream.  I keep thinking that if I were to publish a book what would it be about?  I keep thinking that I want to write a "story of my life" type book, but there are so many recovery novels out there and what would set mine apart?  The script usually follows a typical pattern that so many of us have read before.  How do you make "your" story be unique?  One of my all time fave novels is The Catcher In The Rye.  There has never been one like it since. I just bought it at the local bookstore for my budding library. I read it when I was 13.

We all share our stories here, intimate details of our lives.  No guise or phoniness.  We just share a window into our lives.  The windows have different curtains, but loving people sit behind the windows and pound it out on their keyboards.  l feel so special to be part of this community.  I know I would be worried if one of you suddenly disappeared.   Thanks so much for sharing the journey.  Peace!

Jul 11, 2012

Alright with me!

Today "Alright with me" is my motto.  Do you know how tickled I am to have my son living right down the street, 3 minutes away?  I have seen him more in the last month than I have in the previous year.  I am in love, head over heels.  I confess.  The man he is turning into, his personal convictions that he stands by...I have tears in my eyes as I am typing this.  He has a great work ethic.  Baggy Pants no more.  He has to wear fitted uniforms for his job, lol.  He is my personal mechanic.  He mighgt not be The President, but he has an ok job at Heritage Honda, and that's alright with me. We talked for awhile last night and I only cried a little bit.  It was an adult conversation and it went from childhood memories to today.  Somehow through my fucked-upness I raised a decent human being that wants to do more than just take space up on this planet.  They might cut the umbilical cord at the hospital, but there is another cord that can never be cut, and any mother knows what I am talking about.

Savor the moments while you can.  Let your palate taste every flavor possible. Inhale the sweetness of the nectar.  Don't just wake up, wake the fuck up and LIVE! A new day is dawning for all of us with each sunrise. Emrace the sunshine and, to quote a friend of mine....Just Be! Peace!

Jul 8, 2012

Sweaty Sunday

Just got back from walking the dog. It's "our" exercise plan.  I can already feel the heat and humidity starting.  I try to get out in the early magic hours of the dawn and when the sun sets to do my walking.  Yesterday the heat index was 106. My air conditioner is now my bff.  Who knew?

I know the walk in the am. has alot to do with how the rest of my day will go. I listen to the play list on my phone and just take everything in.  The sights, sounds and smells.  They are very different in Red Lion, PA vs Baltimore, Md.  I used to awake anxious and stressed in Bmore.  So many people, so many triggers and all the bullshit that goes with it. The early morning walk started with my late husband and I have continued on with it.  Those walks probably saved our marriage.  The two of us, coffee mugs and our dog.  That is when we communicated our best.  Now I use the time to communicate with my inner self.  Sometimes I will sit in the porch swing out back and put Harley on the tether and just rock in the comfort of my swing.  I can literally feel peace come in and anxiety go out.  I have a prescription for anxiety, but lately I haven't felt the need or the urge to take the meds.  I do stick with the Paxil, but I have been pushing all the other meds to the wayside.  Pure clarity is the best.  One of the neatest things I noticed was when I was about 27. I had quit doing heroin and was starting over, again.  I realized that my food tasted better.  Have you ever heard the term "dope-fiend sweet?" I truly believe that the narcotics dull your taste buds, hence the need for excessive use of sugar.  Just my opinion. 

Waiting for my friend to awaken and than we shall go to our fav breakfast spot. I think our shared Sunday breakfast is the best part of our weekends.  Here is to breaking bread with your loved one's. Stay cool and screw sweaty, I'm a lady, I perspire. (Not) Peace!