How true....

In a serious struggle there is no worse cruelty than to be magnanimous at an inopportune time.
Leon Trotsky

Tears

Got my first paycheck..$78.00...This next one will be my full one, but now we all got letters that due to the economy all of our hours are cut. I have three shifts next week. Good news. I got hired at re-hired at Denny's. So when I get off work tomorrow I have to be there at 4pm to fill out my new hire paper work. The struggle never fucking ceases...sorry for cursing but I was in tears today.

This brings me peace....

Disrespect

Jesse and I share an apt. We also share a phone that I pay for. I pay for everything. He goes to school to get his final 3 credits to get his diploma, but if I was honest, if he wouldn't have goofed off last year he would not need to do this. Anyhow, my son called me a CUNT this morning. I am in tears. Today my shift switches and I work 3-11. So I am trying to knock out all my appointments and phone calls as I cannot use the work phone when I work day shift and accomplish all this. This boy talks on the phone all night. I use the magic jack, which I highly recommend. That way our calls don't interfere with our landlords. I woke up this morning with a list of calls to make and things to do, before I trudge off to work. I am fighting with an umemployed 19 year old over the phone. He said that he is getting his education. He goofed off in the 11th and 12th grades. He got straight A's but his attendance failed him. Jesse was always smart and could miss class and test out perfect. Rules are rules and if you miss 9 days in one quarter you fail everything for that quarter. The school worked with him because Kenny and I always went to the meetings and they saw we were involved parents. Here is my question? How do I get this child to show respect? I have alot of parental guilt, but that was the past. I spent a total of 10 hours in Social Services on my days off to get medical assistance and food stamps to help til I start getting steady paychecks. I find out Thursday if I get the second job waitressing the graveyard shift. I love to work so that's no problem. My brother in law said he needed a smack in the mouth for that. I can't hit my child. A..I don't believe in it. B..I'll go to jail. My husband was very weak in the aspect of correcting him because he had that addict guilt. So he has been allowed to be disrespectful for many years. I will no longer tolerate it. Does anyone have any suggestions? I am a peaceful person. I thought if Jesse saw me work hard and do the right thing I would earn my respect. Not happening. We are close. But his mouth has got to go. I need some help here people. Noone has ever called me a cunt, (not counting drunks in bars when I bartended and cut them off) We are supposed to be a team. My brother in law and family will be up here on the 30th. He was supposed to give Jesse a van free and clear, it was a promise he made to his brother. He said he is taking Jesse for a drive and explaining to him that until his mouth cleans up he will continue to take the bus. I am tired of crying. I love this boy. Doesn't he know it?

Getting humbled.

Theses are the days. The mornings when I tell myself I see a light at the end of the tunnel. First paycheck this week, and than more will follow. I got assistance. Baggy Pants is in school. We are making progress. Not quickly by any means, but there is hope. By God's grace I didn't do anything stupid and end it. I had a few rough weeks where I thought Why? Life is so damn hard. This is not my chosen profession, being a, ahem, retail clerk, but nowadays I have peace of mind knowing I have a job. I find out today if I got the second one two nights a week. The young man I work with is from Africa. He works 8 hours at 7-11, sleeps for 4 hours and than goes to work another 8 hours across the street at the pizza place. He is happy doing that. He sends money home to his mother in Africa. He doesn't complain. It makes me wonder, are we, Americans lazy? I see numerous foreign people here in my city, people who were born oceans away. They open stores and businesses. They work insane hours. They let their whole family live in one house, combine resources, work as a team. They are thriving and making it. What happened to us? Time to get my lazy bottom off to work.. Have a great day.

My Random Question

This is a lazy post as I have to go to work bright and early. If you are a lottery player, are you type one, you buy as many as possible the bigger the jackpot gets or type two, just one, because you figure one is all it takes. Just curious...We all have that dream of hearing the winning numbers being read off and jumping for joy when we realize we can call our boss and say "Sorry not coming back".....some of us anyway. Have a great day.