Mar 29, 2008

Tie my apron mom!!!!

Well, last night was soooo slow, but that's was J's first night at work. I was so proud. This is a great opportunity for him. And we get along at was nice...Jeremy said he did a good job. This will be a good place for him to learn about the back of the house and than the front as well. He ultimately wants to serve or bartend. I told him all that comes in time. So his current title is"Dishwasher"...I am glad this chance happened to work out for him...


Mar 28, 2008

I need a soldier!!!!!

I don't need a soldier...I have one...Anyone who can hang with me for 18 years is def a soldier....Our dog is a canine soldier...Auggie rocks...Everyone is so damn scared of him, the pit bull stigma...He is the most lovable dog you would ever meet. It's all good though, because I would rather people think he's a beast and not break in my damn house. On the homefront my son got the job...I bring my boy to work with me tonight, he is now a dishwasher....on Friday and Saturday nights...My man has the blues...His brother was supposed to drop him off a little "gift" last night. The point is we hooked his brother up with the person, and his brother called yesterday and was in trouble physically, and asked us for the guys number, Kenny set it up, had the guy ride out to Rick's work and take care of Rick was supposed to drop Kenny off a little thank you gift.,...well once he got right, he started putting Kenny off, said he would bring it by in the am, well of course that never happened. I hate talking in circles, but most people know what I am talking about. Anyhow, Kenny's feelings are more hurt than anything. My man believe's in that Pacino quote..."All you have in this world is your word and your balls..and you don't break them for nooone". Even tho we are out of the game for the most part, if someone is in trouble and we can help we do what we can. I don't like to see anyone ill. I believe addiction is a disease, and I watch people struggle every day to make it. Especially working addicts. Rick is on parole and has a really good job, but he just started pain management, and he thought the doc would write him for methadone, like mine does.. Nope, he wrote him Oxy's..the 10's- 1 in the am and 1 in the pm..Well they don't work for him. Rick blew threw his month supply in about 1 week and is hence, he had to turn to the street. I told him to be honest with his doctor and tell him that Oxy's are not the right drug for you. Methadone works great for long term chronic pain. Once you find the right dose, it will hold you 24 hours and you don't need to keep increasing the amount of medication. Everyone thinks methadone is just for "junkies", but my doctor prefers methadone for people who suffer from chronic pain, due to the long lasting effects. It is wonderful at masking pain. Back to Kenny, his brother gave him his word, if it weren't for Kenny making the phone call and setting things up, his brother would have been stuck at his work, sick as a dog. He would have done it regardless, but Rick said hey I am spending $150, let me send something your way, so Kenny got his hopes built up, because he only does it once in a blue moon, and than his brother started the bullshit "I got you, but this/that came up...etc.."...Kenny told him on the phone this morning, "don't worry, it's no thing"...I guarantee when I go to the doctor on Monday Rick will be blowing up my cell phone, begging and guess what....Oops, something is gonna come up.....petty, but when people come correct with me, I do what I can to act accordingly. I hate to see anyone, my son, husband, my girl anyone that I love hurt...because than it is just like you hurt me. Kenny is one of the most decent men I have ever been with, and he always treats people properly. There is an expression..."you fuck with my dog, I'll kill your cat"....and that's all I have to say for now.. Have a great day everyone...


Mar 27, 2008

I wanna be a rockstar!!!!!

Rockstar, movie star...whatever.....Work was fantastic last night. The tip God was smiling on me...Let's hope for a repeat performance this evening. I really enjoy myself when I am there. The pace is perfect, not hurried and rushed to the point where you are just throwing entrees at people. I can actually serve you and give you great service. It gives me an opportunity to do "my thing" at a table..Also, my son applied for the dishwashing job there. It is two nights a week, Friday and Saturday. It would be perfect for him, it's so close to our home that he can walk. So the fingers are crossed. J really wants to work, but he doesn't have his license yet, so the only places he can apply have to be within walking distance. I was really proud to see the way he spoke with the owner last night.

So not much to write today...rainy and blah out today. I was going to have one of my pajama days today, but Jeremy called me in, so 86 that idea. Barb stopped by this morning, replaced something she owed me, perfect timing. She is starting to get her shit together, which makes me happy. I guess you could say she is my closest female friend right now. I don't get too close to many people..mistrustful is a good way to describe my mindset with most people. Not good, trying to get better...maybe leery or cautious is a better way to explain the way I am around new people that I meet. This is because of past experience, but I am getting better. Still faking it till I make it...


Mar 26, 2008

Sexuality.....What is normal?

Good morning world!!! Yeah, my meds are kicking in, this is when I usually write. Today I wanted to write about something I never really discuss with anyone. What is the term used to describe someone who shares my belief, that both genders of people have attractive qualities and hence you could/can be sexually compatible with either gender? I don't think the word bi-sexual is appropriate. Could the word just be sexual? A good friend of mine stated once that "Some people are just do-able, others aren't"....I have had experience with men and women. They were all good in their own way. Def different, but good. My first real kiss was by my best friend Brooke when I was 12. She and I did everything and it was so innocent and wonderful and fun, until one day we decided that maybe what we were doing was wrong and that it was time to stop. Than we both got boyfriends and that was that......As an adult woman I have had adult experiences, but now have been married and with Kenny forever. And I am happy. Kenny and I talk alot about what is going to happen when he passes away. I tell him that I have my dog and that is all I need. Which is pretty much the truth. But if I was ever to engage in a serious relationship again, I have doubts as to whether i would want to be with another man again. I just think I would prefer to be in a more nurturing type of relationship. Kenny is a very nurturing type of person. There aren't many men in this world who are like my husband. He has always let me "be me"..his main goal is to ensure my happiness. Now we do have issues by all means, but no man has ever treated me the way he had/has. Getting back on topic, in my case I don't think gender matters when it comes to relationships.....I was just wondering what other people felt? Why are labels so important in our society? Does it really matter? Let me know someone, anyone....


Mar 25, 2008

Not much new in the my world today. Kenny and I watched a documentary last night called "The Doomsday Code"...It was very interesting. The program was about the "End Timers"..people who believe we are living in the last days on Earth. A chord was really struck deep within me, when after watching this I realized how closely religion and politics are tied. Very scary...I believe the filmmaker was being objective in his point of view. I have mixed feelings about this topic. I believe in God, and I have tried to be a "good person"...if you look around at the world right now, it does seem like many of the things that were supposed to be just prophecy are actually happening. Natural disasters, health epidemics ie. plagues..etc...I see alot of these things happening before me now, yet I am still underneath it all this optimistic type chick. Can't help it..even if things are meant to be or "it has already been written" shouldn't we still make a concerted effort to make this world a better place? I do believe in God's will, but I don't think we should help along the destruction of our planet and mankind. If you get a chance to watch it, check it out.

On another note, feels good to be back on a proper dose of medication again. I had cut down quite a bit, but I just didn't feel like "me" now I am back where I am supposed to be, and bam...I feel good again. I hate being physically dependent on medication, but I can't work or do anything strenuous, so I take the pain meds. I have cut down on my anxiety medication. I keep hearing about people dying from the combination of the two, and I don't like feeling overly foggy. So I think I am starting to find a good balance that works for is what it is...

Mar 24, 2008

Read my lips!!!


Good morning Good morning....hope everyone in the world had a wonderful day yesterday. I woke up full of optimism and sunshine. Kenny and I had one of the best days together, along with our son, that we have had in a long time. It was simple-PEACEFUL...and than at the end of the night we had a giggle fit, the 3 of us. I know, silly, but when the three of us click as one unit, I realize that family is the most important gift you can have. That one good day just compensated for about a week of black clouds and gray skies. As far as being a couple, to me the whole point is that you become a united front. Us against the world type thing. When Kenny and I are right we are a force to be reckoned with, and it feels fantastic to have that kind of bond with another human being. We have been together almost 18 years. I know him, and he, me. Sometimes that is bad, but mostly good. We have had a few separations, due to hospitalizations, but he is all I have known basically since I was 23. I am now 41. Damn, it's been a long time....well here is a toast to "hanging in there".....

Mar 23, 2008

Good-bye Horses...and Happy Easter

What can I say, I loved Silence of the Lambs, but I dig Silent Bob as well. A little smile for everyone on this lovely Easter....Cooking a nice juicy ham today. Doing the family thing. Dysfunctional and all...with psychotic trimmings...God am I twisted...Thank god for narcotic medication...I shall cruise on thru this lovely day. I save up meds specifically for our family gatherings..I know,,not good, but it is the only way I can smile and serve ham instead of throwing it at everyone. I swear, I truly am in therapy and working on my "issues", but sometimes, I don't think it is me, I believe it is my surroundings. If you live with insanity long enough you either jump on the loony bus or it runs you over...Splat....and I am not ready to be roadkill yet, so I cope the best I can..Fellow bloggers, have a wonderful holiday....

Much Love...Lori