Jan 30, 2010


When I look at that face I know everything is going to be ok. I wonder if Baggy Boy knows how hard I try to do right by us? I am watching him become a man and I am proud. Here is to a good year after the worst one we just went through. I will do my best. Isn't that what all parents do?

Jan 29, 2010

Days go by

Well isn't it just the shittiest feeling in the world to have a stack of cash, and after you pay all your bills you sit there and stare at the little pile that you now have. The money flies out of my hands like a windstorm. I am thankful that I am able to pay my bills. Many nowadays are not. I bitch about going to work, yet inside am smart enough to know that I am lucky to be employed. My dream is to go to Europe, specifically London. I want to see some people in person that I have met online. I enjoy many things British. I like the dry humor.. I like the slang, the culture.. I want to eat fish and chips in a newspaper. I want to walk into a pub and order a nice warm pint. This is now my time in life. Jesse is supposed to graduate May 15th. Than I am going to get him some type of loan for college and off he will go. When he is ready to spread his wings, I want to be able to spread mine. Everyone gotta run sometime, right? Italy, France and Germany also interest me. Kenny had always told me that the best way to appreciate the US is to travel the world. He had that opportunity afforded to him when he was in the service. I have been to many places in the US. I now know that the South is a wonderful place with it's own sense of values and culture. People from the South declare it proudly. It is not wise to talk smack when you are down there. Everyone owns a gun and they have no problem in using it. You will not trespass on their property without jeopardizing your life. In Baltimore the people own guns for different reasons, many not good ones. I still stay in touch with a few people I met while I lived in Georgia. They were and still are good friends. So my next goal is to what life is like overseas. Dreams are all we really have. That and hope...Peace..

Jan 27, 2010

Blues, flu's and time clocks...

I anticipated my two days off. Spent them in bed sick. I do not like feeling that way. I literally slept most of the day yesterday. I am going to start swallowing vitamins and trying to eat better. Coffee and cigarettes does not make for good health. Top if off with daily stress/work and ta da, you get sick. I am trying to re-awaken my mojo because in 3 and half hours I have to be nice. The time clock awaits. God I would love to take another day off. I wish I knew how to call in sick. It simply is not in my nature. So I am sitting here with my headphones on and my coffee, typing. Once I get the oommph to get in the shower I know I am halfway there. I do know I am starting to envy all the retired people I wait on. I want to be retired dammit. Notice the word TIRED in retired? I want to spend my days at Denny's and my nights watching bad tv, complaining about ailments and not worry about owning an alarm clock. Or do I? This little voice inside of me tells me it is too soon to throw the apron in. Someone has to do what I do, right? I think the caffeine is kicking in. My uniform is folded on the bed waiting for me. Please be kind to your server today.. She/he might be a little under the weather, a little blue. Ok, Maxwell House has done it's job. Off to shower and shine and do my thing. For all the working stiffs of the world, have a great day and kill 'em with kindness. (It's ok to cuss everyone out on the inside, as long as you are smiling on the outside, trust me). Peace!

Jan 25, 2010

It's Poetry.....

I read this book when I was 12.. I was and still is one of my personal favorites. This is one of the best paragraphs I have ever read.

Among other things, you'll find that you're not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You're by no means alone on that score, you'll be excited and stimulated to know. Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You'll learn from them - if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It's a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn't education. It's history. It's poetry.
The Catcher in the Rye

Finding my place

I woke up this morning and felt totally lost. I am wiped out from work and not getting ahead. I am surrounded by addiction in my work environment and it is getting to the point where it is bothering me. I had to work 2 long shifts back to back due to people calling out because they are "sick"....I was raised that you never call out unless it is death and it better be your own...That is a direct quote from my now deceased father. I adore the owner of the restaurant..I think he knows who has what problems but he needs the bodies. There are only very few of us allowed in the register, which is a pain in the butt. I have to make sure it is locked at all times. My nerves are wearing thin.. I have my 32 year old brother sleeping on my couch. I have no privacy. Privacy is my most wonderful pleasure..Now it's gone. Maybe I am abnormal but if I don't have a certain amount of time alone everyday, it literally affects my mental health. Lately if I want to be alone, I have to go sit in the bathroom. Sorry for dumping my misery on my blog today, but it makes me feel better to put it in words. I have spent my entire adult life being married and a mother. Yes, I am grieving. Now it is time for me. I am happiest right now when I am alone. Solitude is a treasure. I resent it being taken from me. I love my brother, but he comes with his own set of issues. My plate is getting too full. Time to scrape it..Thanks for listening to my drivel today...