Clarity in muddy waters: 10/11/09

Oct 16, 2009

Random Thoughts......

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin quote. It makes me rather happy to think there is a rather eclectic mix in the afterworld this year. Kenny has good company. Him, Bernie Mac, and George Carlin are hanging out. I know the man,trust me. Laughter was his soul. If Farrah Fawcett wants to talk to him I won't be jealous. I swear. The bible belt says that you suffer on this earth for the glories of the afterworld. Well I hope he is experiencing all the glories he wants. Actuall the bible says that, but the bible belt preaches it constantly. So I guess I am suffering so I can have a wonderful time after I die. Yes, I am being rather sarcastic. I feel like the man on the mountain with the big ball that kept falling down, can't think of his name. Everytime I push the huge ball up it falls right back down on me, splat. Wake up and do it again. Every day. There are brief moments between pushing it up the mountain and before it falls again that I get some joy, but the ball inevitably falls back down again. There is no side stepping that huge ball. I guess that is why I have so many bruises. Most are on the inside so noone can see. Oh yes, I know have a fancy job title, retail salesperson...I always thought I was just the shmcuk at 7-11..Kudos to my boss for making me feel important. Doesn't take much. I did get much needed help at Social Services. My fridge is stocked full and I am about to get medical assistance for me and Baggy Pants. I had the arguement with my proud son. He says, Mom you are taking government handouts. Here we went again. I blew up. I had sat for two days a total of 10 hours to get the emergency food stamps and medical paperwork. I said "You ungrateful kid...I have paid taxes since I was 15. This is not going to be my way of life. I just am having a hard time and need some help".. Why is he so proud? Our 7-11 accepts food stamps. Alot don't. We call it EBT. No person wants to be in a long line and say "hey I am waiting to see if your food stamps got approved in the machine". There is a big sign at Social Serices that says, "Due to the economy please be patient, as the wait is doubled" I got there so damn early before the doors even opened, 30 people were already there waiting. I wish Jesse could see what is really happening in this world. I was frugile at the grocery store, and now we have good healthy food to eat. That is why poor people are in the ER all the time. They live on starch and canned and processed food. So because of the diet they are eating, they get high blood pressure, diabetes etc. Genocide through poverty???? I really count my blessings daily. Than I hit my knees and pray. You all are included in my prayers...Have a great day. TGIF...(That means nothing to me, but to some of the young one's have a ball)

Oct 15, 2009

Music

I have a true love of music. All kinds. A real soft spot and affection for delta blues. I can play the piano a little. Very little, because I stopped playing for many years. I wanna learn how to play the harmonica. That way when I get upset I can pull out my harmonica and instead of talking I can blow into the metal and everyone will know how I am feeling instantly. It would probably stop me from cursing to. I am sure there is a real nasty chord or something. Life is starting to turn into one big musical anyhow. I'd like to see congress just one time sing liken an opera. Sort of like a Fiddler On The Roof of politicians. I know, my mind is twisted. It would certainly be more amusing than what CNN is currently showing. Now I am off to 7-11. Ironies of life? Today is payday. I started on the last day. They held back last week, I only have one day on my first check. That's ok. Before I belt out "I will survive"...I have to get in the shower...Have a great day. What instrument do you play if any, or would like to?

Oct 14, 2009

Oct 13, 2009

Government fun early in the am.

Yes, I am off to that dreaded brick building called Department of Social Services. Jesse and I need Medical Assistance. I have paid taxes since I was 15 so I don't feel guilty. I hate the waiting room. Taking the number. Filling out numerous forms. The social worker snapping her gum totally bored as she looks at my paper and really does not give a flying fig about me or mine. They don't even open the doors til 8am but most people get there around 7:15am to get in the top ten numbers. So I am off to get covered like a sticky piece of tape with oodles of paperwork. I dread this chore, but I must do this. My biggest problem is my mouth. I always dress down and try to be nice and quiet and hope maybe the worker will actually push my paperwork through quickly. Oh look, the geico caveman commercial is on tv right now. I always wondered what he or they would think if they could see the world today. Pray I stay humble and don't get too frustrated.

Oct 12, 2009

Dreams

Yes, there is a day off. Not really, errands and chores abound. I want this little apt. to feel "homey". I have my prints hung on the wall. The walls are concrete so I have resorted to tape, but they make it look like "me", so I don't care. I have Marilyn Monroe, Andy Warhol and alot of scenic prints. I also have Kenny's mob movie prints. He was a huge Godfather fan. So Al Pacino shares this apt with us. The best things are my books. They are my treasures. They have gone many places with me. Even my newest one called Stink is here. When the world falls apart, I read. I also have a new goal. I have never been to Europe. I think it makes work easier when you have a dream. I want to go to London, Italy, France and Scotland, maybe Ireland. I am 42. I have not seen the world. I want to. I want to see Abbey Road. I want to walk on Coldharbour Lane. I want to taste all the different food. I want to sip wine in France. Hey, a girl has to have dreams. Once Jesse gets his behind in college and is self sufficient than I have no ties any longer. Jesse is getting close, and I am going to work as hard as I can to attain my goals. If you don't have dreams, what do you have? Peace....What are your dreams?

Oct 11, 2009

Trying to be thankful

Just like Muddy Waters, I get the blues. I woke up this morning and told myself to be thankful for all personal blessings that I do have. I have a roof, I have food. I have a job and an upcoming second one. I have a kid that loves me. I have a beautiful dog that knows all my secrets and has licked every tear from my eyes. So all in all I do have blessings. Things get all wiry and hairy and out of perspective. I must persevere. Look at Nelson Mandela. (No, I am not comparing myself). He went through hell and he hung in there. I am sure his experiences were way worse than mine. So in the words of someone...I shall overcome and come out on top. Or not. But dammit, I am going to give it my best. My son offered to cook me breakfast this morning. My dog got in bed with me and than we all jumped in Jesse's bed and harassed him. These are the moments people. When I smell that child's hair and hear him giggle at 19, that is my life vitamin to move forward. Plus, Baggy Pants switched computers yesterday and we are now using his "uber" cool one. 26"inch hi-def monitor, all the flashy features. Kenny bought him this. Gave him money ever month to buy a part until he had them all to build this. So I am now typing my blog on the computer my son built with his own two hands. I am happy today. The tears do dry. They might come back, but they will dry.