Sep 19, 2009

Found my goodbye poem

As you all know I have been packing etc...well I found this poem in an envelope for me to be opened upon my late husband's death. If anyone can tell me who wrote this I would love to know. Here goes:

When I come to the end of my
Journey, and I travel my last
Weary mile; just forget that I
Ever frowned and remember
Only the smile.

Forget unkind words I have
Spoken; remember the good i
Have done. Forget that I ever had
Heartache, and remember I've had
Loads of fun.

forget the I have stumbled
And blundered and sometimes fell
By the way. Remember I have
Fought some hard battles and
Won, ere the close of the day.

Forget to grieve for my going. I
Would not have you sad for a day;
But in the summer, remember
How happy the times were
On the sands where we played.

And come in the evening when
The sun paints the sky in the
West; Stand for a moment to reflect,
And remember only my best.

I sat on the floor and read this and cried. It suited him. I don't know the author, but it is a clipping he kept for years and wanted me to have after he died. This little piece of faded paper brought me more comfort than you shall ever know.

Sep 18, 2009

The things we do for our children, and they, for us.

Baggy Pants came strolling in my room at 5am this morning. Ripped my covers off and told me enough! I used to get up everyday and walk the dog at this time and walk for about a mile or two. That stopped after Kenny got sick. Do you know this child poured cold water on me to get me out of bed and made me walk? God I love him. He has gotten a little out of shape from sitting in the house. So he took it upon himself to get up everyday and walk Auggie. He said we are only going to be here for another two weeks so lets enjoy the beauty of the place while we can before we get back to urban cement. He is worried because I have lost about 20lbs as Ken was the house chef. I called him every name in the book this am. and than on the way back I hugged and kissed him and thanked him for making me get out of bed. Hope comes in many strange forms. Mine came in the form of a 19 year old who showed me he cared enough about my mental and physical health to fight me tooth and nail and get me up. It doesn't take much to make me happy. I am happy today.

Sep 17, 2009

My head feels like helium

It really does. I keep finding little treasures and trinkets. These items take me places far away and long ago. I feel like a balloon filled with helium traveling through time. Must go forward. My Baltimore GP has hooked me up with a psychologist to go talk to. Yup, not a script writer, just a regular old shrink who can listen and offer objective advice. OH Yes!!! The Senator of GA called me yesterday.. They completed Kenny's inquest. They mailed me the letter two days ago. He said before he will discuss it with me he wants me to read it first as he doesn't know exactly what my motives are. Are you kidding me? He died June 1 and they finally completed it. He said it is four pages long. I pray it comes in the mail today. I am so curious to see as to what the VA has to say for itself. Yes, I will burn their ass if so possible. I will fight this one out to the end. I wake up in the middle of the night with sweats seeing him gasping for air in our bed. So, still packing and now waiting for the LETTER. I am imagining there will be lots of blame shifting. I am now posted up at the mail box. I have waited for this piece of mail since he died. Time to continue the dreaded chore of packing. I shall share the info from "The Letter" as soon as I recieve it. The truck is rented for Sept. 26th. God let the date get here quick. Peace.

Sep 13, 2009

I walk the line

Yes, I do. I believe we all need a reason to walk the proverbial line. (Plus I love that Johnny Cash song). My reason is now myself. Two weeks and counting. Brand new place in an old familiar hometown. I shall stop my people pleasing ways and DO ME. That is my new motto. I have learned the hard way, that for the most part we are born alone and will die alone. Even though my husband died with his loved ones by his side, his death was ultimately his own. My life is going to be whatever I choose to make it. Nobody to use for a scapegoat for my mishaps etc. The choices are mine. There is a war going on everywhere daily. For many of us it is within. When I leave my home I am dressed in the full armor of God. I need it. I shall be resolute in my goals and let nothing impede my mission or my vision. I am blessed with a nice new place to live. This lake was a learning experience on the journey, but the time to move on passed June 1. Now my time is filled with rummaging through sentimental keepsakes, deciding what to take and what is junk. You'd be surprised what a hard decision that is to make. So I shall now spend this week getting in packing mode, which I loathe. Any offers to help pack??? LOL...