Jul 17, 2009
I wish everyone knew how much that one word can mean. Sorry. Sadly some people use it way too much and don't mean it. Years ago a man I loved very much got down on his knees, tears streaming down his face. I saw guilt and pain and shame. I also saw love. He uttered two words- "I'm Sorry"...I weighed 98lbs. I am 5"8. He was sobbing. He was trying to apologize for introducing me to the devil. He didn't know that I was already hard-wired to fall in love with the devil. He scooped me up and drew me a hot bath. I hadn't showered in two days. He lathered my hair and washed every nook and cranny of my body. He fed me bananas and orange juice. I couldn't walk. I was hallucinating. I was exhausted. I healed over time. When I close my eyes I still hear and feel those two words, "I'm sorry". The reason I feel them is because when they were said, they were meant.
Jul 16, 2009
You let me grow.
You let me make mistakes.
I needed help beyond what you were capable of.
You were the knight on the white horse.
I was the junky princess.
What a pair.
You saved my life, not once,
but three times.
You fought for me.
I thank you for loving me way too much.
Jul 15, 2009
Yes, I am exploring today.. Don't have to go back to work till tomorrow. Can only wallow in sorrow for so many days. Savannah Ga is historical, probably the most similar area to Baltimore next to Atlanta that is down here. There is actually a mall!!! I have to knock out a trip to the doc with my mom first, but than I want to see this city I have heard so much about. I can only hide in my master bedroom for so long. I have made a few friends, one in particular who keeps threatening to kidnap me and shake me out of my funk. So I am making an effort today to be pleasant and wide-eyed and curious like I used to be. I feel so lost in this big world. I have never been alone. Baggy Pants grieves in his own way, which is to himself. So I reach out when the moments present themselves, but we are both going through this struggle in our own unique ways. Oh yeah, receiving a blessing from the insurance company from that accident last week. God knows the money will come in handy. My new attitude is to count my blessings and try to move forward, but God, the process is slow. Have a great day. Oh yeah, I will publish my first Flash 55 this week. Have it all written on a pad on my desk. So be be prepared. Have a great day one and all.
Jul 14, 2009
Been rather off kilter this last week. Sleeping way too late. Except for going to work, don't feel a sense of purpose. It felt nice to awaken with the sun not yet risen. This is MY time. Everyone asleep, even my trusty dog. No one bothering me, asking me pointless questions, wanting a piece of me. Healing is a long, slow process. This is the time to heal. In the silence of the morning. Watching the sun come up. That is when I feel God's presence. I make my best decisions. This is the best cup of coffee, the one I am drinking right now. I now see the sun winking at me from the trees. Sigh, another day has begun...