Aug 17, 2012

Bed pleasures

Last night you were snoring a steady rhythm. I didn't mind. I love feeling your breath on my neck. We went to sleep laughing last night, which makes me forgive you for hogging the covers. (You do that quite a bit dear) I woke this morning with your tongue lightly licking my neck. Wish I could have lingered, but I had to pee so bad. Broke the mood. I crept down the steps to make the morning pot of coffee. I turned the corner and there you were in the dark your breathing heavy and excited. I know what that means. So I grabbed the leash and off we went for our morning walk! Peace!

Aug 16, 2012

Re-arranging odds and ends

How many of you, when you get the blues, decide to re-arrange your bedroom or living room etc? That is what I did yesterday. I actually assembled a book-shelf all by myself. That is a huge accomplishment as I suck at putting things together. Jay always did that for me. Tina (sis-in-law) left yesterday to spend the night with an old girlfriend in Md. Just me and the dog and her son Travis. I decided I needed more space in my room so I bought two shelving units to be able to display properly some knic-knacks and whatnots. My floor is now free of any junk and I can show off some of the things I have been collecting lately. I decided I wanted my room to be surrounded with angels and fairies. I also collect Willow Figurines. They are very unique looking pieces, they have no filled in face. They represent all aspects of life. Birth, motherhood, family and they bring me comfort when I look at them. The fairy statues I like are the more gothic looking ones. Strong and beautiful women. So no my room is pleasing. Jay leaves for his new job in Silver Spring, Md. It's very close to DC. I admit, I have gotten used to him living one block from me. Time for him to continue on his own journey. He came over for dinner last night. Easy to please. He requested Hamburger Helper for dinner??? Of coures I made it.( I ate so much when the kids were young because it was all we could afford). He starts his new job at an Audi dealership on the 21st. The told him after 3 months he will be promoted to assistant manager. The commute from here to his current job in Md isn't that bad, but this new job makes it impossible. Too much driving and wear and tear on his car. So I will be all drippy-eyed this coming weekend. I am proud, but I am going to miss my little shit-head. (that is a term of endearment between he and I) I have learned one thing. We will never stop being parents. It is a life-long job. Even though I should have been fired a few times, it's the best job I have ever had. Peace!

Aug 15, 2012


That's right, sometimes I want to get DIRRTY! I spend so much of my daily life being nice and keeping the peace and balance in my own home. There is an inner part of me that wants to give everyone the middle finger and say enough! I was quite a force to be reckoned with back in the day. Now that I am sober and have a clear head my tongue is probably waaay more razor sharp. I have a bad habit that consists of verbally slicing and dicing someone 'til they are shredded to pieces. My sis in law had a melt down yesterday. Her son quit his little bullshit job. I brought a stray dog home for about 4 min and she flipped so of course once again, I caved and gave him back to the young girl that found him. Than she finds out that her son and nephew are pretty involved with percecet 30's. They seem to be the new drug of choice with the kids today. One minute she is screaming at him, the next she is giving him medication. Talk about mixed signals. I have a child who is a on the see-saw of opiate addiction so I understand. Will I enable him by having mommy getting him well everyday..Fuck no... She gave me the keys and her safe yesterday because she wanted to die. We were ready to call 911. These breakdowns seem to happen every 4 months. Yesterday I just shut down. I did as she asked. Put the safe and key in my room. Than I left and went grocery shopping for 2 hours just to be around normal people debating between ham or turkey at the deli. That's about what my stress level can handle these days. I am not Dr. Phil. I am still doing me. I have a son who just got a huge promotion and has to move to Silver Spring Md. by D.C. He starts the new job on the 21st. I am trying to help him find a place to live. That is my priority. I figured out why she is so hostile at times to Jay. He is a reminder to her of how she feels her son is failing. Jay had no choice. He had to survive. I help with groceries and gas etc., whatever I can. Anyhow if this bs. continues people's feelings are going to get hurt. I have been playing nice all along. I really don't want to come out of my character, but the buttons are being pushed. I am a very reserved person as I know my temper has gotten me into trouble before. When she screams I offer no feedback. I walk away and shut my door. I learned not to argue with someone when they are in insane mode. I don't want the dirrrrttyyy to come out. I dislike that part of myself very much. One day at a time and plenty of deep breathing has been a huge help. Peace!

Aug 12, 2012


Well it's eary, early Sunday morning. Joe and the dog are asleep in my bed and I am wide awake writing my blog. We went to the Red Lion Fair today and it was very congested as local events in small towns are. I received so many pamphlets from so many religous groups my hands were full. Tina and I walked for about as long as we were interested and than headed home. I think my day of big crowds are pretty much over. Maybe I am just getting old, who knows. I see these places as people seeking to empty my wallet. Not cheaply either. Everyone had a brochure to hand out from every denomination etc. I do not need anymore stuff in my room as I have yet to organize my new possessions yet. So I was very proud that I only spent $15 at the fair. I could have went crazy but how much "stuff" does one person need? It is so easy to get caught up in the frenzy that goes on at these events. I guess as you get older and wiser you no longer feel the need to please every damn vendor with his/her hand out. So all in all we did real well considering we both love to shop. When trinkets are arranged and laid out so pretty it is very tempting to get caught up in the moment. They did have some fashion shows which all the parents and grandparents were there to photograph. It is nice to see a sense of community in my small town. Tina had to wear tons of sun screen and a floppy hat to keep her face from not healing properly. She was a trooper. I know she was tired. Lucky for her so was I. So we stayed for about 45 minutes and than headed home. We still had cash in our pockets, how cool is that? I wonder how many people in the big urban ares still have fairs and parades like we do? Maybe that is why so many people feel isolated from each other and their neighbors? When people are working towards a common good it unites everyone. People start to care. You can tell a neighborhood when people stop caring. It is very apparent to everyone who lives there and drives by. All of my neighbors sweep their steps and make sure they recycle. We all know each other's dogs and kids. It is a lovely feeling. More young people need to grow up in a "neighborhood" not just a street. They even had a table for people who need help with addiction. Right in the middle of the fair. That was a joy for my eyes. Everyone else seems to push it under the rug or has that NIMBY mentality. All in all is was a great day. I needed one. So much stress building up lately. Like I have often stated, I am making the most of my days where I can just be. Peace!