Aug 15, 2012
That's right, sometimes I want to get DIRRTY! I spend so much of my daily life being nice and keeping the peace and balance in my own home. There is an inner part of me that wants to give everyone the middle finger and say enough! I was quite a force to be reckoned with back in the day. Now that I am sober and have a clear head my tongue is probably waaay more razor sharp. I have a bad habit that consists of verbally slicing and dicing someone 'til they are shredded to pieces. My sis in law had a melt down yesterday. Her son quit his little bullshit job. I brought a stray dog home for about 4 min and she flipped so of course once again, I caved and gave him back to the young girl that found him. Than she finds out that her son and nephew are pretty involved with percecet 30's. They seem to be the new drug of choice with the kids today. One minute she is screaming at him, the next she is giving him medication. Talk about mixed signals. I have a child who is a on the see-saw of opiate addiction so I understand. Will I enable him by having mommy getting him well everyday..Fuck no... She gave me the keys and her safe yesterday because she wanted to die. We were ready to call 911. These breakdowns seem to happen every 4 months. Yesterday I just shut down. I did as she asked. Put the safe and key in my room. Than I left and went grocery shopping for 2 hours just to be around normal people debating between ham or turkey at the deli. That's about what my stress level can handle these days. I am not Dr. Phil. I am still doing me. I have a son who just got a huge promotion and has to move to Silver Spring Md. by D.C. He starts the new job on the 21st. I am trying to help him find a place to live. That is my priority. I figured out why she is so hostile at times to Jay. He is a reminder to her of how she feels her son is failing. Jay had no choice. He had to survive. I help with groceries and gas etc., whatever I can. Anyhow if this bs. continues people's feelings are going to get hurt. I have been playing nice all along. I really don't want to come out of my character, but the buttons are being pushed. I am a very reserved person as I know my temper has gotten me into trouble before. When she screams I offer no feedback. I walk away and shut my door. I learned not to argue with someone when they are in insane mode. I don't want the dirrrrttyyy to come out. I dislike that part of myself very much. One day at a time and plenty of deep breathing has been a huge help. Peace!
Posted by Lori