Dec 19, 2009

Happy Belated Anniversary

My wedding anniversary was December 16th, the day after my birthday. This was my late husband's song to me. I just felt like posting it as I am missing him at the present moment. Happy Anniversary RIP.


This is a post that is rather hurtful. During the time that my late husband was sick and dying my brother in law and I got very close. Many months have now passed, and I see the distance setting in. He and his wife moved to Pa about two months after we moved back to Baltimore. We have visited about 3 times. The phone calls are fewer and far between. I am going to let it go. The tie that binded us is gone. Maybe it is too hurtful as when we are together we share very painful memories. I hope that is what it is. Kenny and his brother had their moments. They didn't speak for a couple years at one time. If I am honest the one tie that they shared was their love of drugs. Oh yeah, and a great meal. Yes, they had a dysfunctional childhood, but didn't most of us? I am working a double on X-Mas. The only thing I know how to do is work. My son still looks to him as an uncle and he loves his wife. They both know I am working. I have not received a phone call inviting him up there and I am not going to push it. I have learned through age and time to leave well enough alone. I do not know what else to do. Jesse is still so damn young and idealistic I am not going to tamper with his good memories of family members. I think I will let him keep those. I try to keep my heart open but it is now very guarded. I hope everyone who lives north is safe and warm and toasty in this horrid weather we are having. There is a mountain of snow outside and I did go to work in it. My father would have been proud. I have an awesome work ethic of which I am proud. I should have been a mailman. Be well and warm...

Dec 18, 2009

Here is some addict reasoning

I work with a girl who shall remain nameless. She came in last night and she is very sick with an upper respiratory infection. She said, "I feel like being bad' wanna get high, in this case smoking crack"..She said, "don't you ever feel like being bad, I know you do?" I said yes, than played it off. Her reasoning for smoking crack? She thinks she has walking pneumonia and that a hit of crack will clear her lungs....That is a new one for me in all my years of hearing rationalizations for getting high. Opiate addiction I understand much better as it is more of a physical thing, coke is mind thing. It will also take you to hell much quicker as it distorts your thinking, that little voice that tells you not to do stupid shit for more money. At the end of my shift she asked to borrow $15. She had gotten there as my relief. Told her we had a bad weather forecast for the weekend and I had to hold my money. I did not know that smoking crack is a way to clear your lungs from walking pneumomia. Even I just learned a new one. I just remembered that and had to post that. It must be a disease because no healthy person would come up with that kind of logic....Peace.

A lovely English word

Shagging!!!!! I am too lazy and tired to google it's origins. I am starting a collection of my favorite Brit words and slang so when I ever get to London I will fit in. Anyone care to tell me how they took got that term and from whence it originated? BTW, I got this idea from
Sarcastic Bastard's
delightful blog. I happen to appreciate many things British, their sense of humor etc. I also like the word Wanker. I shall be using that word quite frequently at work, well, because I can dammit. I also think we should be more inspired to improve our own language with some more interesting words. Just a thought for the day.

Dec 17, 2009

Christmas Cheer

I worked yesterday, sore mouth and all. Times are hard and you do not want to call out where I work. The penalties are stiff. I worked a short day shift, been taking my antibiotics and trying to smile. Customers seem to be infused with holiday spirit. Two men ordered a $12 breakfast and left me a $10 tip. They were not my regulars. The other girl noticed the same thing. Instead of the usual $2 and $3 tips for breakfast there were $5' and $10's. So thank you to all the kind people who maybe are feeling extra generous to their waitstaff at this time of year. We count on you. When the girls are making money we all get along and everyone is pleasant. Amazing the power of money. I work with a group of women who all are worried about the holidays and buying gifts. I am not in that group. I shall do my best and if it's not enough, than you simply don't know me well enough to understand my way of viewing the holidays. Giving is wonderful, the pressure of HAVING to give is not. Hopefully this cycle will continue. January is a very dead time in my line of work. Than tax time comes and the rebirth of money comes around again. We are very predictable people. I refuse to go in to debt this year. I am in enough. I want to pay off every debt by this time next year. My debts are small compared to most, but they are enough to bother me. That is my goal and my plans for the new year. If my late husband was correct we are all going to be erased from the planet on 12/12/12/ anyhow, so it might not matter. I didn't share his view, I shall continue to be hopeful and optimistic. I would never be able to sleep with myself at night, and my dog would probably give me the cold shoulder if I was any other way. Baggy Pants made the comment that we should by some tortillas as my brother is now sleeping on my couch temporarily. He didn't mean that in a racist way. He said we are living like many imports to this country, 3 to a house that is meant for 1. He is such a knucklehead, but he shall graduate, finally this year, and that will be the best gift. Filling out college forms is a gift, just knowing the possibility that lies ahead. Those are my gifts. Thanks to the two nice men from yesterday breakfast and all the others who continue to support me and my son through your gratuities. May everyone experience their own form of holiday cheer.

Dec 15, 2009


I am an avid reader every Sunday of Post Secret. What amazes me is that such a simple project created by one man in Germantown Md. turned out to be so huge and have such tremendous impact. I wonder what motivates all these people to send in the postcards with their deepest secrets that I than read? I fee like a closet voyeur. It also makes me feel good sometimes to see that others have the same secrets as I. Just out of curiousity's sake, what do you think is the motivating factor of the people who send in the cards?

My birthday

Yes, I am now 43. Tomorrow is also or would have been my wedding anniversary. I have an absessed tooth in my mouth and the pain is tremendous. It feels like someone has hit me in the side of my head with a hammer. So I have been laying in bed for two days to get some rest and am picking up some antibiotics tonight. I was going to go to the emergency room, but am holding off as long as possible. My son and I's medical assistance has been pending for two months now, recieved a letter from the state of md that due to circumstances beyond their control, it is taking longer than expected. I took that to mean in plain english they are backlogged. Alot of good that does me. I am thankful for the help the food stamps provide. They are a godsend. Ironically one of the girls I work with gets them, and she sells them for 50cents on the dollar for the cash. I am not judgemental. I happen to know she uses the money to get high with. That is not what food stamps are for. Baggy Boy and I made ours last through the whole month due to frugile shopping and smart shopping. When I see people abuse the "system" it infuriates me. The kids are the ones who lose out when their parents sell their food stamps. I read circulars and shop at different stores to save money. We made them last all month. Jesse has turned out to be quite the shopper. So I turned 43 today and will celebrate it by having a nice day off, praying my mouth hurries up and heals. Thankfully I am off for my birthday. That was a pretty nice gift. Hope everyone is well enjoying the holiday season.