Cleaning out my closet...

Yup, that is an Eminem song, but if the shoe fits...As I go through belongings and items, I find treasures. Some odd, some silly, but all personal. I made my son a box and filled it with mementos that Jesse understood and will love. He also is awaiting his flag from the VA. I am not thrilled with the VA healthcare system, but I do want Jesse to get his flag. He was good to Jesse. Raised the boy as his own since he was 4 months old. Throughout our ups and downs and sideways, he was always there for Jesse. My main focus is my son, to help him heal. He lost his two male rocks since '05. My father and now, his. We are making an appearance in church this Sunday. Jesse, baggy pants and all, is a very spiritual kid. His recreational reading has always been the Bible. That was his choice, never forced. Jesse I think has always felt the need to believe since he was little. Trust me, there were some bleak times, and I am positive that faith sustained him. That boy is my heart. So we are going to reciprocate for all the kindness the local church has shown my son and I, and go. Ironically that is the only spark of interest he has had since stepping foot in Georgia. He loves Baltimore. I had to beg and plead to get him to come with me. He thinks the house is nice, the lake beautiful, but it is so rural, and he experienced culture shock. So I am hoping by going to church Sunday that will help his grieving. When in Rome....or the Bible Belt...yes, my sense of humor is returning. That part feels good. I laugh, cry, whatever I feel like. It's my right to be slightly insane at times. Thank everyone so much who reads and stops by my little corner of the blogging world. Writing these words for the last year or so has been my relief. Reading the words of others lets me know that I am not alone in certain opinions and that the daily struggle of life is shared by all of us. *Note*...I donated all the medical supplies I had to the local medical supply company in town. They helped me when the VA failed. I called and they got to my house in 10 minutes. Do you know that those cases of food that you feed someone in their stomach cost about $48 a case. Medicaid only pays for two cases a month!!. A person goes through about a case every 4 days. I just had tons of stuff. They were so appreciative and told me that it would be given to all the people without insurance, which are numerous. So please everyone take your vitamins and supplements diligently. Being sick is expensive and that Medicaid they deduct from you SSI check, doesn't begin to cover what you really need. I had about $600 worth of stuff and giving that stuff to people who I know are in desperate need of supplies was a huge feeling of peace and relief. Be well and STAY HEALTHY....

R.I.P. KENNETH LEE RICKELS

The suffering ended this morning. 09/29/1957-06/01/2009 He is now in God's embrace.

Here's some food for thought...

What if you got sick? What if it came down to you making a choice? This is the choice I am speaking (writing of). If you got too sick to do radiation and you tumor in your throat was getting bigger, would you take a chance on a larengectomy (sp), knowing that you will never eat food again? You will also never be able to speak with your own voice again. You will have an electronic voice. Think about never being able to eat a nice greasy sub with ff again. Bacon and eggs. Just cans of food being fed through your stomach. The plus side? You will be well. The cancer will be gone. You would be able to walk your dog. You will get your strength back. Is that an option you would consider. This person is saying no. They have a love of food. I just don't think they will be able to start radiation until this MRSA infection is gone, which can take up to 10 more days. The weight is dropping steadily. I am watching someone I love suffer tremedously. The tumor is right below the epoglottis and above the esophagus. Not a great place. The bottom line. Would you want to live if you could never eat again?