Apr 8, 2010

I just noticed..

Do you remember the first time you noticed your parent/s were aging and or old? It just hit me this morning with my mother. She now walks with a cane. It takes her two tries to get up from sitting down. She is now going to the hospital tomorrow for a catherization to check a blockage in her heart. I realized this morning that she just might not be around forever. Kenny always told me that no matter how much you might differ or argue with you mother, that once she is gone, it is an ache that lasts forever. I am learning to cope with grief. There are no words. I believe now that time is the only healer, no matter how trite that may sound. I find comfort in memories, songs and photos. I am now trying to prepare myself for the fact that my mother might only have but so many years left. My husband took me totally by surprise. I think that made it harder. Death came quickly, a thief that dashed in and out and took my heart. My mom is now talking about wills etc. I dread these conversations. I know they must take place. So for today I am trying to enjoy our time together and make each day count. Peace.

Apr 7, 2010

Watching a loved one spiral out of control

I am watching my brother go on a downward spiral. It is disheartening. The only positive that has come from this is that it has made me take an inventory of my life. I am now inspired to make changes. Don't have alot of time to blog this am. as I have to do my one morning shift of the week. I am seeing parallels of a younger me and don't like it,not one bit. So I can't be a rescuer, only of myself. This has given me the motivation to do the best I can. By God's grace that could be me if I am not diligent. So this new work week is filled with positive's. I am working on my goals not with a ferocity. That is why I haven't been blogging as much as normal. I am exhausted. I love my blogger friends dearly. You all inspire me daily. The Paxil has made a huge difference and I am starting to find the actual clarity in my muddy waters. You can't bullshit yourself. Here is to a new healthy week. God Bless and be happy each and everyone of you..Time to don my uniform and tie my apron tightly. Peace!

Apr 6, 2010

Still has the right to practice

My late husband always told me that everyone had a price. I am starting to believe he was right. This man is still licensed to practice medicine. Doctors like this make it hard for all people who need legitimate pain medicine. Thou shall do no harm is a serious oath. Who the fuck gets put under at night to go to sleep? This isn't about Michael Jackson. It's about what money can buy, even at your own harm. This doctor should be banned from touching another human being or animals for that matter.

The dreaded head cold!

Yup, congested, kleenex and miserable. Nose looks like Rudolf. My son has it, as do all the people I work with. Germs are running rampant. I spent all day in bed on my day off. Feel a little better today, thank God. I am starting to feel my age lately, which scares me as I am 43, what the hell is going to happen in 10 years??? I am pure evil when I am sick. I try to sleep through it as much as I can. This is the hardest I have worked in many years and I do believe stress can make you sick. I have been working 14 hours shifts. They are beating me up physically. So today I shall catch up on my reading and chores and tend to my sick kid. Thankfully he doesn't get as nasty as I do when he isn't feeling well. I shall be hitting all your blogs today. I can't blow my nose anymore or it will fall off. Have a great day!