Mar 6, 2010

Speaks for itself

You know who you life is really not that interesting, you have nothing to be jealous of unless being a widow with a 20 year old kid in high school living in a dump appeals to you. This is not towards any of my dear readers, but people who in my personal life who have decided they want to offer unsolicited guidance in my life. If I need it, I shall ask...Peace!

Mar 5, 2010

Night fighting

I have mentioned our cramped living space in previous posts. We now have what I call night fighting. Baggy Pants goes to bed at night and talks quietly on the phone. My brother, on the other hand, comes home and requires alot of attention. His phone beeps all night long, loud. We asked him to turn the ringer down, he says he can't as it is also his alarm clock. His new obsession is a girl I work with. He said he was going for the nice, needy girl this time. Surprise..He underestimated her. She has a nice group of friends and is not as needy as he thought. Scott thought he wouldn't get hurt if he picked the nice girl for a change. So until 4am last night the phone was beeping so damn loud. Baggy Pants is yelling at him to turn it down as he has to go to school and it is finals week. He loves his uncle. I have been banking every penny I make. I carry ten bucks in my pocket only. The rest goes in the bank. In one week I have saved $700. That is my don't touch except to move money. I was in that habit in Ga. and it worked well. So I am applying my squirrel saving nuts philosophy in Baltimore. God knows it is harder up here as my money doesn't stretch as far due to cost of living. I need peace to write and do the little things that bring me joy. So I am going to suggest to my brother that he use my trusty alarm clock that has never failed me, and turn his damn phone off after 11pm. I don't think that is unreasonable. Plus, he has yet to figure out the one thing that really matters. My dog is the real king of this castle. He better be a little bit nicer to my dog or if Auggie gives me that look, the 30 days will get a great day..The weekend is upon me, which means the hardest part of my work week. Waiting for my Monday and Tuesday...God Bless and be well...

Mar 4, 2010

Today is a day of missing you...

It's one of those days. I realize when I turn around that you are not sitting on the couch, holding the remote. I was the computer chick, you were the t.v. dude. I miss spinning in my chair and seeing your face, the thick glasses and your salty colored hair. I miss the comfort of your presence, not talking, just being. I don't forsee me finding that anytime soon and I am not looking. My grief has turned more inward. I don't cry as much anymore. I keep you with me, privately. I still save all my dimes in your piggy bank. I have taken to sleeping on the couch again, because the bed seems much to big these days. I know you are not reading my blog, but I just want you to know that even though I no longer cry myself to sleep, I still miss you like crazy. Things just aren't the same in my world without you. I am trying, I promise, to hang in there. It was much easier when I was part of two, instead of just being one. Remember how when you used to sweat I would tell you how you smelled like glue? I miss that smell so much. I miss that little strawberry mark on the back of your head. The one I used to be careful with when I would shave your head. When someone dies, it is surprising the things you miss. It is the little things, for me at least. I put two more dimes in the bank today....

Mar 3, 2010

It's gonna be alright

Well we got denied for the apartment, but not being a quitter, I found out about Obama's make home affordable programs. They froze the foreclosure status of my mom's house that we left behind here when we moved to Ga. So now we are in negotiations to get a lower, fixed rate. The program is for people, like my mother, who got predatory loans. Kenny begged her not to sign that re-finance paperwork as he knew it was horrible. Her need for an immediate fix won over and she signed, basically away her house. We have been renting it out now for almost two years. I think this might be our best bet all the way around. It is large enough where I can throw Baggy Pants and my brother in the basement and be three floors away and left alone. So that is the next mission I am working on. That and working my behind off. I am grateful to be employed as much as I bitch about it. Jobs are scarce these days, yet I have always managed to find one. I shall not quit. In any aspects of my life. So here is to keep on perservering and never quitting. There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel. OH yeah, I still keep finding my dimes from heaven at the strangest times.. I have Kenny's piggy bank for all the dimes that he saved and I continue to fill it. It is sort of my way of keeping his wishes alive, and my hope alive. Peace....

Mar 2, 2010


Trainspotting is one of my favorite movies. I thought this poster was delightful. I guess folks across the pond aren't thrilled with their government either.

Feb 28, 2010


I noticed lately that I write WAAAYYY better than I speak. I don't understand. When I talk I have a tendency to go off on tangents. It's like there are all these thoughts dying to get out, and I try to verbally do that. It sounds like babble. Maybe when you write you actually have time to sit down and think through what you want to put on paper. I have been like this since a child. I have had a journal since I was about 12. Sadly I no longer have the old wire bound notebooks, but oh, I wish I did. Those journals were such a source of comfort through a crazy adolescence. Do any of you feel the same way in regard to writing your thoughts vs. speaking them? Just curious. Enjoy the weekend. Mine starts tomorrow~