May 3, 2008


I love her voice. I feel bad that she has many demons and that the public seems to enjoy making her the butt of numerous jokes. People forget that she is also someone's daughter and someone's wife. Some celebrities seem to do a better job of being discreet with their illicit personal habits. Others, not so. I guess I don't understand our fascination with trainwrecks. Does it makes us feel better to know that a celebrity has problems in their fabulous life? I just remember when someone told me about her music and I checked it out and thought, "Wow, what a voice, something new and fresh"..than I started hearing the "stories"...I can't imagine what it must be like to have your every move scrutinized for millions of people to see, judge and comment on. Seems to me like it stinks. Britney Spears, Anna Nicole etc..everyone just seems to love hearing what a mess they are. I remember John Belushi for being tremendously funny, not for dying of a speedball. Is it our human nature to find pleasure in other's shortcomings and weaknesses? I hope not. I hope Ms. Winehouse continues to sing

May 1, 2008

Pharmeceutical Nation

I saw this pic and loved it. Everyone is seeking that magic pill. The one elixir to make it all better. I don't think there is actually one that exists. Do you?

Apr 30, 2008


Serenity...the word even has a "serene" sound to it. I love words...the way they roll off of your tongue, their ability to express your deepest feelings, words can accomplish so much. I find it easier to type the words than to say them out loud. That is an issue I am working on. 3 weeks before my father passed away, I happened to write him a 4 page letter, just telling him how much I loved him, that he was indeed a great father, and grandfather, and that my personal shortcomings were no fault of his own. My step-mother told me that he had tears streaming down him face as he read it. He died three weeks later. The words that I wrote I wish I would have spoken in hindsight. When I speak I tend to get rather tongue tied and babble, as I am trying to get all these words and feelings out all at once, so it comes out in a big jumble. When I write it is the opposite.

On another note, I am trying to prepare my mother, who is 64 and looking at retirement on how to live on a budget. We share a house with her. If we didn't she would lose her house. My mother is a very bitter woman. Life has not been kind to her, and she has not been kind to others. She has made no preparations for living on a fixed income. I have learned at 41 as my husband is on SSI. Our gas and electric bill is insane. This woman will not open a window, only turn on the air as soon as a bead of sweat runs down her brow. We plant vegetables and flowers, try to live somewhat "green" our part. She is the epitome of waste and living without care for the next day. And we all live in one house. Thank God for my Xanax...sorry, just being honest. The more I work, and the better the business is getting, the less time I am spending at home. Yes, I am doing it on purpose. That is where I find my joy. Plus, I want to make money and wake up with a few extra dollars in my pocket. It is a nice feeling to be able to wake up and take the family out to breakfast. How do I instill in a 64 year old woman, who is very set in her ways, that she has to make some major lifestyle changes? She has given no thought as to how she is going to pay for all of her expensive medication when she retires. No more fantastic health benefits from her company. She doesn't even know the actual cost of her is frustrating...I guess in the long run the only one that I can fix is me...Talking to her is like speaking into a wind tunnel.. Just noise....Have a blessed day in blog land...


Apr 29, 2008

Just chillin'

Since I have a day off today I feel like writing some more...It feels good to have a nice day to myself. A "me" day can make a person feel brand new. I am slowly learning to count my blessings. I do have alot to be thankful for. Many of us forget to be happy for the simple joys that come across our life. I never do...

Apr 27, 2008

I can't breathe

I haven't been posting that much because the homefront has been so miserable, haven't been inspired...Than I realized that is when I need to write the most. Work has been exceptional..Ironically, the better things get at work, the worse things get at home. The only time I am truly happy is when I sit and type here, or when I am at the restaurant. That is when I have moments of peace and sanity. Kenny is getting worse not better. He told me he wants to leave Friday, which is his usual monthly threat. I actually think I hope follows thru..18 years of this is a long time. J is 18 now, working with me and going to school. In public I present a very confident image because I love what I do. At home I am weak and ditsy. Like Edith Bunker, you could say. That line between love and hate certainly is a very thin one. I keep telling myself, for better or worse...alas, the better has been so many years ago, all I can feel is the worse...

Lori PS-No, I am not suicidal...I just think a picture speaks a thousand words, and I understand what that particular one is saying...