I haven't been posting that much because the homefront has been so miserable, haven't been inspired...Than I realized that is when I need to write the most. Work has been exceptional..Ironically, the better things get at work, the worse things get at home. The only time I am truly happy is when I sit and type here, or when I am at the restaurant. That is when I have moments of peace and sanity. Kenny is getting worse not better. He told me he wants to leave Friday, which is his usual monthly threat. I actually think I hope follows thru..18 years of this is a long time. J is 18 now, working with me and going to school. In public I present a very confident image because I love what I do. At home I am weak and ditsy. Like Edith Bunker, you could say. That line between love and hate certainly is a very thin one. I keep telling myself, for better or worse...alas, the better has been so many years ago, all I can feel is the worse...
Lori PS-No, I am not suicidal...I just think a picture speaks a thousand words, and I understand what that particular one is saying...
5 comments:
Lori,
It is not uncommon to long for days in the past, a time when we knew things were better and less stressed. It is the reason for memory, a way to guide the ship to a current safe harbor, safety we recognize from our experiences. It is good and not to be despised.
The havens you have right now are work and writing, they are good ones, use them to your advantage to keep leeward of the trouble, that is a very real hurricane in your present state of affairs. But as you gain your rest in these havens don't forget to gather your strength as well.
Through strength and peace in the mind we learn, adapt and then assume control in the present. you can't steer the ship from the past. It is unfortunate that all of the steering falls on your shoulders at the moment, but that is reality.
The only key I have for you is this, be content in your reality. accept it the way it is and believe that the future is about to bring a westerly breeze.
Hope and Faith, two often mis-aligned words but these should be your mantra for now.
Peace Buddy.
mark
I totally operate on faith..That is my key to survival...
Lori
...and a very good one it is. Faith has carried me through many stormy seas both in reality and my mind.
The One who created all is with you my immortal friend.
Peace
mark
Mark,
I made a decision. I think part of his depression is due to sitting in a dark basement 24 hours a day 7 days a week. He is a chef ironically, so I am putting him to work 2 days a week. I actually saw a spark. Everyone needs a sense of purpose, right? A reason to get out of the burrow of blankets...he actually looked happy, cleaned his knives and found his old meat thermometer. My fingers are crossed. I don't believe in giving up on someone who never gave up on me...
thanks for much support..Lori
Right on Lori, now you are finding ways and means to better the situation. Start with 2 days then 4 then 5. A sense of being needed is paramount to a persons thoughts of themselves.
Very good job there darlin.' Congratulations!
Peace
mark
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