Jul 9, 2009

The Blues

It's been three days of laying in bed in my pajamas. I usually don't have my three days off in a row. Too much time to think and wallow and be sad. I had to type a letter to my senator who is investigating the negligence in K's death. It was very painful to type. I had to start from the beginning to the end. After I typed it and mailed it out along with the release of his medical records, I was emotionally drained. I talked to my mother and my son who I share my home with. My son hates it here, even though he is making the most of it. The health care in Georgia is horrible. My mom is having a horrible time. No doctors in this little rural town accept Medicaid. She is having a hell of a time getting her health care. Baltimore has it's faults but the health care there was phenomenal. So yes, our rent is dirt cheap, but what have we traded? There is no price you can put on someone's death, but I think I am at the point of switching from hurt to anger. So we made a family plan to bank all of our money and hopefully find a new place to live after the first of the year. It's too painful to come home to this house, plus we have a two year lease which will be up next December. I am in limbo right now and am just waiting for some inner light to guide me to make my next move. So that is where I have been for three days, nestled under my covers, feeling sorry for myself. Back to work today, so time to put on my happy money making game face.


Lou said...

I emailed you after your comment. I cried for you. This stoopid blogging is making me an emotional wreck for people I don't know. But of course there is a piece of your heart scarred with the same markings as mine.

I lived in a small Texas town for awhile..hated it. The health care sucked, and the people were "friendly" in a nosey way. It was stifling. The three of you can put your heads together and do what is right for ALL of you, I know it.

Take care of yourself. The rain's gotta end soon.

the walking man said...

Lori...The heart heals much slower than the mind, just give your self permission to grieve in the way that is best for you and allow for time to carry you an BP and Moms wherever it will.

Lori said...

Lou- Don't cry my friend. I do enough of it for everyone. You summed up my town in that one sentence. Not to be gross but if you sneeze here, they know what color your snot is. The rain better end soon...I believe in rainbows..

Grief hits you at the strangest times. I find myself sitting here staring at pictures screaming at him for leaving me here. Crazy huh? Oh well, at least it is so isolated out here no one can here me...lol..