Reasons and seasons

I am learning to take my happiness wherever I can. In minutes sometimes seconds. The older i get I realize the big reward is nil. I will work, sleep, eat and do it all over again. It's the joy of the journey. The people I encounter. The music I dearly love. The people I love. Been grieving alot lately. June 1st will be one year since the death. Spring was our time. We gardened, walked the dog, cooked out. Simple, mundane things that equate joy to me. I have never been a high maintenance chick. I can't imagine doing it all over again with another human being. I do ponder it sometimes. Relationships are alot of work. 20 years is alot of history with one person. Maybe there will be someone out there for me. I don't know. It is not a pressing issue. Only the man above knows what my destiny is. i wish he'd give me a damn hint. Like, "psssst, be at the bookstore on Sunday morning, and you will meet a new life partner." Something subtle like that, lol. i make love in my mind, with memories and the occasional cheat. I need a man with a brain. I can put up with mild neurosis's as I have a few of my own. I need someone who can make me laugh so hard I almost pee. I need someone who thinks I look beautiful with no makeup and sweatpants. Must love dogs. Someone who is passionate about food. Wait a minute this is my blog, not a desperately seeking ad. Well at least I am starting to figure out what I like, at 43. Do we really know what this journey has in store for us? Maybe that's the reason I have been seeking. Stop looking for that HUGE REWARD, and exhale and make the most of my journey. Peace!