Jun 7, 2009


Today I must put on my proper black dress and set foot in our local church. I am a tad nervous, but I know that I must go. I was provided comfort by "strangers" and a relentless, lol, pastor. So the inlaws and our boys are going to be at steps out front of the big white building with the cross on top at 10am. If you hear thunderbolts coming from the sky don't panic. It is just me setting foot in church for the first time in quite a few years. This time my son is leading me. He has always gone to church. A personal choice he made on his own. I believe during the addict years, J took comfort in the Bible and lived on faith, since he was about 9. He would always sleep with a small bible underneath his pillow. I am a very spiritual person, I just am rather private. God and I talk quite a bit, all the time. Baggy Pants lectured me that God wants me to commune with other like minded people. So dammit, off I go to commune. Also to show my appreciation at the concern and compassion my family was shown. This never would have happened in Baltimore. I am secretly hoping this is what Jesse aka Baggy Pants needs to maybe start feeling at home. I told him God steps out of Baltimore to visit Georgia too. You know, the "God is everywhere" speech. I also have a youth pastor waiting in the wings to talk to my boy. Jess will have no clue that I have anything to do with this one. Yeah, I am a sneaky mom. Jesse does better when he feels he makes his own decisions. All year he went to church two times a day on Sunday in Baltimore. He went with the cook at our restaurant we were working at, on his own. Since Georgia, nothing. So this visit is to show my respect for a wonderful community, and to hopefully get my son to give this little town a chance. His older brother jsut got clean and sober, got out of rehab, got on a Greyhound bus and is now in Florida selling steaks door to door. He is using that dope hustle ability for the good now. Jason called me the night before he boarded the bus and said "Mom, I am clean now, on a mood stabalizer and if I stay in Baltimore I won't have a chance"..He knows I understand better than anyone. I said "Godspeed my son"..So far so good. So amidst the pain, there has been some healing. They always seem to go hand in hand. Many of you will be in my prayers today in that big white building. Peace....


Lou said...

I don't tell this story often (maybe I should).

I never went to church. I believed in God, but it was a lazy faith. One day, when I thought my head was going to explode with the chaos of Andrew's addiction, I felt God physically take the fear and guilt off my shoulders.

No kidding, I heard the whoosh, and literally felt the weight lifted. God spoke to me, said, don't be afraid anymore..I'm on it.

It sounds crazy, but I think you understand.

God Bless you and your family.

Lori said...


It doesn't sound crazy, and I do understand. Hopefully your son will gain the strength and tools he needs during this "down" time to become the man you have always wanted him to be. When I first found out that my eldest child had a heroin addiction I couldn't breathe. Because I knew. I knew what road lied ahead of him. I knew the pain, the agony and everything that goes with it. I just waited. When my head feels ready to exlode I just let go and let God. It has been a pleasure exchanging words with you btw. You sound like such a loving mother and wonderful person. I hope you don't mind but I added you to my blog roll. Now, time to take off this black dress and throw on some sweats and exhale. Be well..PS. if you look in my archives there is a post titled The Panhandler, that is about my eldest son and how he got money for drugs. I read it now and still cry.

Motor City Burning Press said...

I didn't read of any church implosions in Georgia this morning so I am going to say you made it through the service OK.

Good news about Jason too.

The times they are a'changin as some singer or another said.

Here's to a decently good week ahead Lori.

Lori said...

Motor City Burning Press,

Wasn't that Bob Dylan? Yeah, I made it through, and it was very proper and respectful. Now I am back to work tonight, which is what I really need. All medical supplies are gone and I am just going to keep on keepin' on. Thank you very much for stopping by.

the walking man said...

I was signed into the wrong gmail account. I am tied into the MCBP now