Grace

Today I must put on my proper black dress and set foot in our local church. I am a tad nervous, but I know that I must go. I was provided comfort by "strangers" and a relentless, lol, pastor. So the inlaws and our boys are going to be at steps out front of the big white building with the cross on top at 10am. If you hear thunderbolts coming from the sky don't panic. It is just me setting foot in church for the first time in quite a few years. This time my son is leading me. He has always gone to church. A personal choice he made on his own. I believe during the addict years, J took comfort in the Bible and lived on faith, since he was about 9. He would always sleep with a small bible underneath his pillow. I am a very spiritual person, I just am rather private. God and I talk quite a bit, all the time. Baggy Pants lectured me that God wants me to commune with other like minded people. So dammit, off I go to commune. Also to show my appreciation at the concern and compassion my family was shown. This never would have happened in Baltimore. I am secretly hoping this is what Jesse aka Baggy Pants needs to maybe start feeling at home. I told him God steps out of Baltimore to visit Georgia too. You know, the "God is everywhere" speech. I also have a youth pastor waiting in the wings to talk to my boy. Jess will have no clue that I have anything to do with this one. Yeah, I am a sneaky mom. Jesse does better when he feels he makes his own decisions. All year he went to church two times a day on Sunday in Baltimore. He went with the cook at our restaurant we were working at, on his own. Since Georgia, nothing. So this visit is to show my respect for a wonderful community, and to hopefully get my son to give this little town a chance. His older brother jsut got clean and sober, got out of rehab, got on a Greyhound bus and is now in Florida selling steaks door to door. He is using that dope hustle ability for the good now. Jason called me the night before he boarded the bus and said "Mom, I am clean now, on a mood stabalizer and if I stay in Baltimore I won't have a chance"..He knows I understand better than anyone. I said "Godspeed my son"..So far so good. So amidst the pain, there has been some healing. They always seem to go hand in hand. Many of you will be in my prayers today in that big white building. Peace....