When I look at my life I keep wondering where is the reward. I work hard. I am a good parent. I pay my bills. My back hurts from standing on my feet too many hours a day. I get comfort from the dog and the kid (the kid is sometimes). The dog is a constant. Does everyone feel this way? Where is the big life payoff? Is there one? Can someone please tell me when it will arrive? Am I going to be punished for past choices from years ago forever? I feel like that damn hamster in the wheel. Running hard going nowhere. I worked 10 hours yesterday and by the time I left the store and bought what I needed I had $30 left over from $100 made in tips. I am really yearning to travel. I want to see Europe before I die. That is one goal I have set in stone. Homeland is going to give me a damn passport. I just wonder how long it's going to take. I do get to meet great people everyday. The people I work with are starting to become my extended family in a sense. United by the fact we are all schmucks working for god knows what. The ties that bind. We all try to look out for each other as best we can. I have a few good friends that I can count on. I have one family member, an uncle in California that I love dearly and miss. Does anyone have the ANSWER. The big one. What is this all for? Why am I going to work again today? Can someone please remind me? I am very tired physically and mentally. I don't even take the time to pick up the phone and call anyone anymore, as I am too tired. If any of you wise ones out there have any answers to the great mystery of life please do share them.
4 comments:
I feel this way sometimes, but I find beauty in nature, a movie, a book, helping a stranger..ALL kinds of everyday, ordinary events. When I'm really aware, there is so much beauty around me it hurts my eyes. But I have to be conscious of it, it doesn't jump up and bite me in the butt.
I spend some time in nature most everyday, even if only for 1/2 hour. I make time for it, it is just as important as working or the laundry or shopping. I'm close to woods and lakes, so I'm lucky. It changes my whole frame of mind, no matter the season.
Also volunteering, I think, gives one a purpose.
I understand what you are saying, I'm just throwing things out there. My point is you have to find the meaning of life, I believe it is different for everyone.
Honestly? Lori the work and drudge is simply the way we (mankind) have ordered society to function. It is our day and age but not the purpose we live for. If you wish to travel then save for it and travel but that is simply a mile post towards the goal which only you within you can define. Look to the ultimate end then tell me what you see there.
Lou- I find beauty in very simply things. I am a low maintance chick. I love good books, movies. I take my camera out and love to take pictures. That is my joy. I guess if we all knew the meaning of life there would be no mystery.
WM- I am spending this year cleaing up my credit. I am learning that sometimes to achieve what you want you must be patient and wait. Patience is something I am learning. I still want what I want when I want it. I am growing, slowly, but I am growing.
Lou- I find beauty in very simply things. I am a low maintance chick. I love good books, movies. I take my camera out and love to take pictures. That is my joy. I guess if we all knew the meaning of life there would be no mystery.
WM- I am spending this year cleaing up my credit. I am learning that sometimes to achieve what you want you must be patient and wait. Patience is something I am learning. I still want what I want when I want it. I am growing, slowly, but I am growing.
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