Sep 6, 2011

When it rains it pours...

Well, Rick, my brother-in-law is in critical care in the hospital. He had a fever for about 3 days and finally conceded and let us call 911. He has endocarditis, and they said there is a leak in his aorta that is going into his heart. Tina, his wife, is a mess as we all are. Kenny, his brother, died at 51 as did their biological father. Both brothers always swore they would never outlive their dad. Rick is 49 I believe. We are scared. Also, both men abused their bodies terribly when they were younger. I don't mean to sound preachy, but when you are young you feel invincible. The human body can only handle so much abuse. It is also a miraculous thing, capable of healing. Rick has been clean for many years now. His current wife didn't know him during the crazy years. I have know Rick for as long as I was with Kenny, 22 years. I have a dilemma and need some advice. Tina asked me to keep this in the family. I am very good friends with his ex-wife, the mother of his only child, his daughter. She is 22 I think. I really want to call Lynda and let her know so that Ricks daughter can know how sick he is but I have been sworn to silence. Remember, this is where I have to live as well. Morally I feel a man's child has the right to know if he is in CCU in a hospital. Rick and his daughter have grown apart in the last few years. He wasn't the best dad in the world due to the addiction years. The mother always encouraged the relationship. It is what it is. Should I keep my mouth shut? I feel very guilty as when Kenny was dying Lynda (the ex) was very supportive and wonderful towards me. Any advice please? Thanks and have a great day.


the walking man said...

I'd have to have a frank discussion with Tina first and if he is as critical as it appears a phone call to his daughter or his ex wife IS in order. The daughter is his blood kin and his wife probably does not have the same feeling for her as you do kiddo.

Lou said...

I'm not sure I understand why his current wife wants to keep it a "secret." The man is sick..why shouldn't his ex and daughter know about it?

His daughter should be able to make up her own mind if she wants to see him. I don't believe in going to the grave (if that should happen) with resentments from the past. Everyone should have the chance to make peace, or not make peace, if they so choose.

I understand you don't want to jeopardize the living arrangement. Would current wife make you leave?

goatman said...

I would ask Rick if you should inform his daughter and stand by his decision.
I always try to stay honest, as it seems you do also. And we do the best we can.

Whitemist said...

But this IS treatable. It is difficult, but not over. I pray he gets the care he needs!

Lori said...

WM- I agree. Open-heart surgery is tomorrow morning at 9:30am. He and his daughter have their ups and downs but I do believe I will see what happens and ask him. I have known Rick since I was 22. Our kids are 1 year apart. I sometimes wish I didn't have all these "feelings"...maybe life would be easier...thx my friend.

Lou- Me opening my mouth would cause alot of issues. There is a ton of tension between her and the ex. As always, it's the kids who pay. I am glad that Kenny made peace with his biological sons before he died. I am sure in your line of work you see how important it is in times of health crisis's for people to be mature and put aside petty bullshit. I love you Lou..

Goatman- I think your advice is the route I am going to go. Tina is resolute on the subject. I am going to wait and see what happens after surgery and than have a heart to heart talk with Rick..Thanks so much. Life is SO much easier when honesty is used. I'm waiting to read a poem from you dear.

Whitemist- This is treatable. They are going to use something, I believe pigskin? to patch his aorta. I don't care if it's horseskin as long as he gets better. I see how far you have come since your medical crisis and anything is possible. Love the new glasses....xoxo