Dec 1, 2011

My life

My life is anything I want it to be. There is a part in each and everyone of us that has that inner gift. Finding that gift is the journey. Not being scared to re-invent ourself when it's time. Sex, drugs, rock-roll. Yea, there was a time I thought that was the path. I was wrong. It's people, plain and simple. It might be the black man on the corner with his 40 ounce spouting out his drunken wisdom, not even ashamed of his urine stained pants. It might be the guy behind the deli counter who knows exactly what you want the minute you enter the door. People. Watching the little girls with their jumpropes playing double dutch. Giving a dollar to a guy with a cardboard sign that states he will work for food. I don't really give a shit what he does with the dollar, I just know I am blessed to have that extra dollar. I am on my journey now with full clarity. The biggest lesson I have learned so far is that people are what makes this world go round. I met an Indian fellow and he came out and said this is for me. It is a dream-catcher. I offered him a few dollars. He refused. Told me to sleep well at night. My journey now consists of being aware of everyone I meet. I find I absorb a little bit of everyone. That makes me happy. Peace!


Whitemist said...

i like this!

Lou said...

Isn't it great when we connect with no strings attached to a complete stranger! I agree, life is grand.

Lori, thanks for your comment. I feel in my heart that going to the year long residential program is the right thing for him. The Dad wants him to come back home, but that has never worked. He always start isolating after a couple months. At least this way he will have structure, and be around people (including women) his age.
Any thoughts?

Lori said...

Lou- Honestly, I think it is a wonderful idea. Whenever I used to get clean I would always isolate..( I hate comparing myself to your son, it's just certain things addicts do are very common) The only thing that would get me out of the house was work. Than I would stay in the bedroom on the computer. When Andrew resides in your home I am assuming there are many triggers in the neighborhood for him, like Baltimore is to me. In 15 min, Andrew or I could have a bag of dope like a candy bar. In a residential facility they don't let you lay around. They (the one I was at) had art therapy, music therapy, nutrition etc. No time to re-play the drug use of past in your head over and over again. When I start isolating I know that means I am not far off from relapse. It took me many years to learn that sign. I also think maybe Andrew needs to hang around some people that have nothing to do with drugs. Put 4 recovering addicts in a car and the drug talk starts.Sorry, I should have emailed this. Rick, my recently deceased bro-in-law finally got clean and successfully completed his parole when he met Tina who was so far removed from the drug life as could be. He knew she had zero tolerance and if he slipped that would jeoporadize his marriage. The last 5 years of his life he was clean except for a dib and dab which noone knows about. He would feel guilt that it wasn't worth it to him to get high. Addicts need structure, supportive people and companionship. Ask him if he could re-invent himself into a better man, what is lacking? What would he change? BTW, I have a letter I have been meaning to send. I know Drew probably can't get mail where he is at but he has come a long way. A one week run means he has enough clean time to stop himself. I love you and your family. If there is anything I can ever do, just ask...xoxoxoxo..Sorry for the novel, lol