Define crazy

I would love for someone to define the word crazy. It is a term that is used quite frequently. Is the man who chooses to sell his million dollar home to travel the world on a motorcycle crazy? What about the heavily bearded guy with the sign that says "Will work for food"? Is he crazy? What about a table of educated individuals deciding to invade a country? Are they crazy? I have met many unique, diverse individuals in my life. I have visited the "nut ward" at the VA hospital. Those men are not crazy. Not that I am a wise sage who can judge sanity. Is there a rubber stamp labled CRAZY for those that choose to live differently? Some of the best conversations I have ever had were with people who might be a little off kilter, dance to the beat of their own drum, or simply dance to a beat that noone else will ever hear. I never thought they were crazy. Now, when I watch the morning news and see the sunny broadcaster yakking about murders and than switching the topic to state fairs and apple pie, that strikes me as more crazy than the man doing the thorazine shuffle. Maybe I am crazy?

Always a new pandemic

Gee, I think I have enough on my plate right now, and here comes the swine flu. I am still remembering the bird flu. I have decided with what little wisdom I have that if all these diseases and plagues the news is inundating me with come my way, so be it. Cancer has already hit, so nothing else will surprise me. I think the term is shellshock. I punch in on the timeclock and for those hours my happy face is on. I punch out and there goes the happy face right out the window,lol. I get paid to be nice and kind dammit. Does it ever occur to any of these great thinkers in the world that maybe we have simply overpopulated a planet, and the planet has had enough? We spread as fast as any damn virus. I have no empathy for the octo-mom, sorry. There are enough mouths that need to be fed. I can barely feed my family on my income, why should my tax money feed yours? I donate to the food bank etc. I carefully pick my charities. I just wonder when do the masses wake up and see the signs? I don't care if you believe in the bible, Buddha, or a damn tree. We are the greatest plague on the planet. Don't cry about the swine flu. I am sure when there are great rainfalls and floods those are the tears of the planet trying to wash away some of the virus known as mankind. We are the biggest pandemic, the human race.

Dressing in full armor, preparing for battle...

I know understand why Forrest Gump just started walking one day. The am walk with Auggie is what is keeping my spirits alive. I am starting to think he is more my therapy dog than just a pet. Plus, this dog values my job more than anyone in this house. This is due to the fact that I work in a steakhouse and my baby gets huge boxes of porterhouse and t-bones and lots of top choices steak scraps. He know turns his nose up at hotdogs. I don't blame him. I cut my work schedule down to 4 shifts per week instead of 6. So this is the beginning of my 3 day weekend. Today is the battle on the phone. Due to our zipcode they have switched VA facilities. I need to explain to these folks that radiation is supposed to begin this week, not on the 18th as the last letter I received. I am not accepting no for an answer. The caffeine is kicking in and I am ready to take on the federal government. Down here they are used to people just saying, "Yes ma'am, ok".. Not I said the fly. We are talking about something that is totally treatable with 100% recovery after 6 weeks radiation. They are not postponing shit. That is how I feel. I just keep imagining myself as the one who is sick with all the tubing and machinery. I would want someone to fight on my behalf. That is what I shall do. I will succeed.

Breathe easy and inhale the coming day...

These are the moments I live for. The little ones are huge to me. The moments when my patient is resting and at ease, I sneak in the moments for myself. The dog and I with the camera. Going to work and laughing and forgetting illness, at least for a period of time. My inner core of strength has actually been quite the surprise. I can do this. I will do this. The beauty of being a human being is our capacity to adapt and adjust. It's a beautiful thing. i have my health, family support and my sanity,( I think, lol) Going to get through this day and the next one after that. Not to be trite, but one day at a time my friends.

Freddie Mac executive dies at his own hand

I just read about the suicide of the acting chief finanicial officer of Freddie Mac. Suicide is something I can understand in one sense, but I don't think I could actually do. I feel empathy for the family of the man who died. I also remember reading about many other suicides from the average joe's in the US who turned on the carbon monoxide in their garage because their home was being foreclosed on. I think at the end of the day when you are alone with the mirror it doesn't matter what zipcode you live in.

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The scene this morning outside David Kellermann's house. (Gerald Martineau - The Washington Post )



Who's Blogging» Links to this article
By Zachary A. Goldfarb and Jonathan Mummolo
Washington Post Staff Writers
Wednesday, April 22, 2009; 2:51 PM

The acting chief financial officer of troubled mortgage giant Freddie Mac was found dead in his Fairfax County home early this morning after apparently committing suicide, Fairfax police said.

This Story
Freddie Mac Official Dead in Apparent Suicide
CFO of Mortgage Giant Dead, Suicide Suspected
David Kellermann, 41, was a longtime Freddie Mac executive who joined the firm as an analyst in 1992. He lived with his wife and young daughter in a stately red brick home in the upscale Hunter Mill Estates subdivision in the Vienna section of Fairfax.

Officers were called to the home by someone inside the house at 4:48 a.m., police spokesman Eddy Azcarate said. Kellermann's body was found in the basement.

Police sources told The Washington Post that Kellermann hanged himself and that his wife found his body and called police. They said he did not leave a suicide note.

County police spokesmen would not confirm those details, saying only that it was "an unattended death" and that there were no signs of foul play. The body has been taken to the office of the medical examiner, who will make a formal ruling on the cause of death.

Kellermann was named acting chief financial officer of Freddie Mac last September, after the federal government seized Freddie Mac and ousted its top executives. It is a highly demanding job closely scrutinized by the company's regulator.

My secret morning escape

Yup, this is me after my morning walk with Auggie. The mosquitos are so damn bad that is why I have a tiki lit with citronella. Doesn't work, but between the spray on Off and that, I am making an effort to not get eaten alive. Yes, that is a cigarette hanging out of my hand. Sorry, I just started wearing the patch, but I must confess to enjoying that am smoke with my coffee. I am learning to savor my moments of peace and making the most of them. I even laugh from time to time. I now know that just because someone you love has cancer doesn't mean the world stops. The curtains must be opened to let in the sunshine. In order to spread good cheer, I have to be somewhat happy. In my family, for some reason, my mood has always been the gauge of the rest of the households mood. My family sufferes horribly when I go through PMS, but other than that, I think I do pretty well holding the fort down and being a ray of sunshine even when it is thundering and pouring rain outside the house and inside my soul. I take the best parts of each day and just make the most of them. What else can one do? Bitterness and anger just doesn't suit my disposition. I'm a million different people from one day to the next, so boring is not an applicable word in my life. Lately I believe we all have a mold that is shaped just for us. I can't change the mold but from years of wear and tear it does bend and flex just enough to adapt. That is all I ask.

Sheeps, wolves and God

Strange thing happened yesterday. There is a huge baptist church right down the street from our little hut. Well the main pastor pulled out front to speak with out neighbor. She wasn't home. Guess who's door he than knocked on? Yup, mine. He came upstairs and grabbed Baggy Pants and we all sat and prayed. I don't be live in chance happenings in life. Too cynical. According to this pastor, God mixes the bad and good for the ultimate purpose of self-betterment. We might not understand the intent or purpose at the time we are going through our trials and tribulations, but there is supposedly a higher meaning. I admit to feeling comforted by this man of the cloth. He than gave a little speech about how we are like sheep, and that as everyone knows sheep aren't the brightest animals and need to be herded and guided, for their own good. I see sheep mentality everyday in my life. Only sheep would have allowed the current goings on in our current world situation. We trust in our herder, the President or whoever is in charge. I beg to differ about sheep mentality when I get my mouth on the phone with people in charge of the red tape, trying to fight about the jurisdiction of cancer treatment. I turn into a rabid wolverine who must protect her family. Don't spoon feed me false words that I have the intelligence to know are false. Yeah, there are quite a few sheep out there, but I have to believe in my heart that there are enough wolves willing to fight the good fight for the betterdom of the society in which we live in. When my fangs spring out, at least I make no false pretense, unlike certain government people who just continue to be wolves in $3,000 suits and go to the dentist to get their fangs nice and pretty for the press. Perception is reality. I perceive that I am going to win this fight about treatment. Power to all the people who still believe.