So Tired!!

This is a late night for me. God smiled on me the last two nights at work and threw some cash in my apron. I have been operating strictly on faith these days. It has been working. I have 6 days till my med refills, and I am sucking it up and just dealing with the illish (not a real word) feelings. It hasn't been easy. I know one thing. I will not run out again. The strange thing is I think I am so used to being in a medicated state of mind that I almost feel out of touch with reality when I am clear-headed. Weird huh? My back is killing me, but it is a consequence I must accept for not managing my medication properly. I am blessed with a doctor who goes out of his way to keep me comfortable, but his deal is "don't show up early", and I have to respect it. So until Friday I am dealing with life on life's terms, and it sucks, but I saw it coming so I did have enough sense to start lowering my meds daily so it wouldn't be too brutal. I am a sissy girl, I like to be comfortable..If I sneeze I think I am sick..The one thing that helps me tremendously when I get like this is MUSIC. So I wake up, turn the puter on and get the java, and find some comfort with some audio relief...It works...the mind is a powerful thing. I watch the news and I see the tragedies happening on our planet right now, and think (and know) what a self oriented person I can be...200,000 people are dead and in a national disaster and I am complaining cause I have the chills and my back hurts. I am very ashamed of my mentality at times. So I know within that no matter how bad things might seem in my world, my God, it could be so much worse. That is an issue I am going to start working on, learning to be thankful...and thank you by the way to everyone who reads my babbling ramblings. It means alot to know that people I have never met, I now consider a long distance friend. A connecting thread to a strange place, a person I have never met. Yes, as I get ready to go to bed...I do believe I am thankful...

Lori