What molds us?
We start as a blob of clay, matter
Each year, different things start shaping us
Their touch, shaping our mold
Their thoughts and opinions, just like an artist's swirling fingers
Adding more water, sculpting and creating the conceptual "us"
Mistakes are made, and deftly repaired by master's hands to create the final vision.
Alas once that mold is set, so are we
Our initial mold is what we fight against.
Some people are not meant to sculpt.
6 comments:
This is great writing Lori and a fine point.
Now technically look at the line breaks and see if there are better ways to display it.
Can you suggest some reading that I might benefit from? Formatting has always been an issue with me. It is probably pure laziness. My Aunt is a writer for the LA Times, she writes the travel column. Her name is Catherine Hamm. Unfortunately, the La Times was owned by the same people who owned The Chicago Tribune and layoffs are pending for all, including her. She started out as a copywriter. She is the one who puts all the red lines in a person's beautiful manuscript. (At one time, before her own column) I, too, have a manuscript laying around, yet I am too scared to send it to her, as she warned me she is brutal with grammar and sentence structure. I pray she keeps her job. How lucky can one be to get paid to write for a living, doing what they love?
My old lady is always criticizing the way i write, trying to change it. Not my poetry, she, as far as I know doesn't read it, but my other writing, correspondence and such. She, like your aunt is a very technical writer, never having gotten beyond the "rules."
I have never read a book about formatting Lori.
But here are my rules for myself. first I write everything out in a paragraph. Then I read it for impact and when I have the words I want I apply the punctuation and line breaks.
All punctuation and breaks are pauses, comma short, semi colon longer and breaks longer yet.
Pauses are the flame that makes the water boil. The dramatic effect. This is how, without any changes in verbiage how I would have set up this piece,
What molds us?
We start as [a blob of] clay,
[matter.]
Each year,
different things
start shaping us.
Their touch,
shaping our mold.
Their thoughts
and opinions,
[just like]
an artist's swirling fingers
Adding more water,
sculpting [and]
creating
the conceptual "us"
Mistakes {are] made,
[and]
deftly repaired
by master's hands
to create
the final vision.
Alas once that mold is set,
so are we.
Our initial mold
is
what we fight against.
Some people are not meant to sculpt.
[...]= Delete
It's all a matter of what flows to the ear. Thankfully we all hear differently so everyone's flow is different.
Thank you. I have been writing since I was 12. Hopefully I have improved since than. My problem is always the damn sentence structure and format. I know how to use proper punctuation, it is pure laziness. I type as it comes out, I forget to edit it..
You can forget to edit when you have so many works written that you forget they exist. I have over a thousand pieces of just poetry...and am constantly editing them.
We both started writing at about the same age kiddo.
That tickled me...The mind is a terrible thing to waste. I just wish the younger generation XYZ would realize that.
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