|Stanley, Jesse, Me|
Uncle Carl and Aunt Marcia
My dad, Stanley, was heavy on the mind this past weekend. He was a very blunt, honorable and loving man. He passed away in 2005. He had struggled with obesity since his late 20's. I remember as a child being embarrassed by this big, gregarious man. He always raised the bar high. Myself and my younger brother were taught that we could be doctors, lawyers, and of course, even president. I am adopted, my brother is biological. We are 11 years apart. My dad always told me I was special because I was hand-picked at 4 months. He was there for me through the good, the bad and the superbly ugly. No matter how I was living I knew he loved me. Might not have liked me very much for a certain time in my life, but he loved me.
I made my amends with dad about a month before he died with a very long and honest letter. It was probably the most heartfelt "piece" I have ever written. My son and late husband stood in the room when they unplugged him. I was incarcerated. I was released the day after he died. The best feeling I remember having is that he read my 4 page letter before he died. His wife told me that he had tears running down his face as he read it. We parents sometimes need absolution from our children. I gave him that. I am now getting my own absolution from my children, especially my youngest Jay. He told me this past week that the way I "look out" for him really pleased him. Those are his words. Well the way he looks out for me now is my absolution for not being parent of the year during certain times in our lives. My dad would be proud. May all the men who are father's just continue to be there for your child/children. It matters. Peace!