Jun 18, 2012

Father's Day Weekend

Stanley, Jesse, Me
 Uncle Carl and Aunt Marcia


My dad, Stanley, was heavy on the mind this past weekend. He was a very blunt, honorable and loving man.  He passed away in 2005.  He had struggled with obesity since his late 20's.  I remember as a child being embarrassed by this big, gregarious man.  He always raised the bar high.  Myself and my younger brother were taught that we could be doctors, lawyers, and of course, even president.  I am adopted, my brother is biological.  We are 11 years apart.  My dad always told me I was special because I was hand-picked at 4 months.  He was there for me through the good, the bad and the superbly ugly.  No matter how I was living I knew he loved me.  Might not have liked me very much for a certain time in my life, but he loved me.

I made my amends with dad about a month before he died with a very long and honest letter.  It was probably the most heartfelt "piece" I have ever written.  My son and late husband stood in the room when they unplugged him.  I was incarcerated.  I was released the day after he died.  The best feeling I remember having is that he read my 4 page letter before he died.  His wife told me that he had tears running down his face as he read it.  We parents sometimes need absolution from our children.  I gave him that.  I am now getting my own absolution from my children, especially my youngest Jay.  He told me this past week that the way I "look out" for him really pleased him.  Those are his words.  Well the way he looks out for me now is my absolution for not being parent of the year during certain times in our lives. My dad would be proud.  May all the men who are father's just continue to be there for your child/children.  It matters.  Peace!

7 comments:

Mrs Melissa Baker said...

Very hard to read, but straight from your heart. Beautiful.

Lori said...

Mrs. Melissa Baker- Hi and welcome. It really was straight from my heart. Thank you for the complement.

Mrs Melissa Baker said...

My pleasure.

bugerlugs63 said...

That's so good to read Lori. That you made your peace with your Dad, and knew that he was always there for you. And now it comes round to you and your Son. He respects you and is proud of you . . . That says it all. x

goatman said...

I shaved my dads face a few days before he died in the nursing facility (they hadn't done that for him). My last memory is a good one also.
Thanks for the reminder; we must honor them.

Lori said...

bugerlugus63- When it comes back around to you in your own children, I actually feel like a grown up, lol. I was not a perfect parent, but I do what I can and it seems to be working. My older son is still using I believe. (He tells me otherwise, but I know the signs all too well)xoxoxo

Goatman- I have missed you. That was nice of you to give your dad a proper shave. I always believe that when someone is terminally ill, the should die with their dignity intact. Clean pajamas, nice shave or whatever else. I am glad you have the good memory. I hope my own children will do right by me when I am not able to do so for myself.

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