Being Thankful

I have had a case of the blues lately, finally able to shake it off. I can only handle so much stress before I shut down totally. Thank God for Rocco who makes me get out of bed. He is a very vocal dog, so when he needs attention he barks right in my ear. There is something to be said for having a sense of purpose and being responsible for another living thing. No laying around when another living thing depends on you. Everytime I think I have gotten rid of all toxic people in my world a new one pops up. Like a weed. This weekend Rocco and I are going to Joe's this weekend, so that should be a refreshing change. I drive by the outlet strip and just repeat "I will not stop and spend" over and over. I have been managing my medications very well and that is a great feeling. The Paxil seems to be helping alot. I am just wondering if your body gets used to a certain medication and needs to be changed or upped. I need to remind myself to mention this to my doctor at my next visit. There are just days that seem harder than others. I constantly feel like I am playing catch up. When I drive through Lancaster, Pa on my way to Joe's I am always amazed as I pass a horse and buggy with a family on their way to the local market to sell their wares. They seem content to work, have faith and be thankful. It's at these times when I feel that I have so much to be grateful for. That is what I need to remember on the sluggish days.

Checking In

Well hello and good morning strangers. I simply had nothing to write about lately and just took a break from the laptop, doing "stuff", ie, errands, paperwork etc. The banalities of life. When I got back from Joe's house, my older son arrived the night Hurricane Sandy hit. Sigh, only him. Good news- He is off heroin, I do believe. Not so good news- He has replaced his old love with a new one. Good old legal alcohol. He was here for 3 nights. Drank every single day. He is a chatty drunk. It got to the point where my head literally hurt, one of the main reasons I haven't been wr iting. I took him home Friday morning. I love him but he mentally drains me. My roommates can't get over how different my two boys are. Everyone is talking about the election. I wish there was a third candidate, lol. Not funny I know, just simply how I feel. I'm lacking that sense of excitement or anticipation that one gets when they feel the world is going to be a better place. I'm starting to think that our country is beyond repair. All the government is doing are placing band-aids on gaping, infected wounds. Voting to me reminds me of a horse race like The Preakness. Every once in awhile theres a horse thats name catches the wind (Secretariat) and the crowd just knows that the race is going to be exciting and the win historical. Sadly the surge of excitement is not in the air this election year. On another note life is good for the most part. Rocco will be 3 months old on the 8th. He has been developing his own quirky, funny personality. I love him so much. He still has a ton of growing to do if he ever wants to fit into his tremendous thunder-paws. I am learning alot about myself courtesy of Mr. Rocco. I have never gotten a dog at the age of 6 weeks. I feel like I personally gave birth...I am learning how powerful the pull of this puppy tugs at my heart. Trust, loyalty and unconditional love. It's an amazing thing. After shots, it only costs me $15.00 a month in Kibbles-n-Bits. What I get back is priceless. Sorry this turned into me babbling, but..I just wanted to check in and say hi. I also have to stop by and visit everyone's blogs and catch up.

I shall be gone til Sunday evening....

Yes, time to visit my friend Joe. Rocco and I are packing up this morning and getting ready for our two hour drive. I must tell you that Joe is more geared up to see puppy than I. I can hear it in his voice. He calls it our baby. The Polish Puppy. Except it has an Italian name which pisses him off to no end. He calls him Stosho Stanislov. Rocco keeps his real name a secret and goes willing to Joe when he calls. My doctor said if he could write every senior with high blood pressure a puppy instead of lipitor etc.. he would. Doc thinks that animals work wonders with seniors that live alone. I know he is doing miracles for this middle-aged (gulp) woman. I had my monthly lunch with my Baltimore sisters aka best friends. Great time as always. Stacy and Kelly are sisters, I am just an honorary one. Never underestimate the value of one or two true friends in a lifetime. The comfort of being with someone who knows you, faults and flaws and all, and loves you unconditionally is a gift. No amount of money or shopping or whatever can replace someone who loves you. YOU.. Just the way you are. I've been rather busy with puppies and some drama so I haven't had the writing urge. I am learning not to engage with people who are crazy, lol....and it is working. Enough said. The world keeps spinning and so far I haven't fallen off the globe and I guess that's good enough for now. Peace

Life is sweet

Rocco and I drove to my friend Joe's home this past weekend. 2 hour ride. I had to drive through Lancaster PA. The Amish were hard at working, selling their wares, along with all the commercial souveniour shops. So many pumpkins and squash. Made for interesting driving. Fall is in the air, jack frost making guest appearances on my morning windshield. This was the first time Joe has invited me to his home. He has always been embarrassed about the state of the inside. He is a now 75 year old man who is quite messy. A collector of books. The home is gorgeous. Picture windows that let you peek at the deer in his backyard. There are books everywhere. Joe has a true love of the written word. Do the math. His age x books...Yup, they are all over his home. Piles and piles. He could no lie, fill a small county library. I made a big fuss over the beauty of the home. He was afraid I would judge him on his sloppiness. Ha, ME? Seriously? I am the last to judge. I have resided in beautiful homes, hotels and hovels. I judge no one. There but the grace of God... So we went out to a very nice pub/dinner place. Ate the best damn hamburger I have had. ( I confess, I have had many a burger in my day) We split a home-made peach cobbler and I had a yummy Bailey's over ice. In the am. I started cleaning. He and Rocco had hit it off from the beginning. Joe and the puppy played outside. He looked happy. I have a feeling in my gut that he is getting his affairs in order. Joe wants me to clean his house. Put some order to it. He pulled out a silver tea serving set he wants his favorite daughter Jane to have. I left wistful. Here is a man who has known nothing but hard work his whole life. He spends his weeks at the library perfecting his resume and searching for work. We both know that this is futile but I am playing the game. Sense of purpose folks. I actually felt ashamed at how many years while he was hard at work, I was a total hedonist, living for the moment. On the way home I could feel my eyes drooping so I pulled into a trading post. Parked next to a horse and buggy. Yes, I did. Purchased a coffee, ok an iced coffee with whipped cream and chocolate drizzle. Rocco and I streched legs and paws than finished the drive home. I have learned many things in my two year friendship with Joe. The most important one was this weekend. Don't waste time. Living is but for so long....Make it count. Peace!

First Photo

I'm so in love with you....

Rocco. Yup, I have managed to keep my plants alive for over a year. Theres a saying in recovery. Before you have a relationship, get a plant. If you keep the plant alive for a year, get a pet. After a year with the pet, than you are ready for a "live person". Of course I don't always do things in the correct order, but so be it. I am as happy as if I gave birth. Since Auggie I haven't had a dog. I shared Harley with sis-in-law, but it's not the same as having your own. Plus I do like the advantage of him being so young so I can train him the way I want. I am rambling, so let me start in order. Jay had stopped up two nights ago with this beautiful Rotty puppy for me to check out. I fell in love, so he brought the dog back to his owner and told him that I would take the puppy. He has had all of his shots and his tail has been docked and he has already been checked out by the vet. He shows no signs of having future hip diseases. The best part of this whole getting a puppy situation is this: There was a time when my son wouldn't trust me to take care of a goldfish. The fact that he brought me this puppy let's me know that he has noticed the change through the years. Jay knows I am responsible and can be trusted to take care of this dog. That was a better gift than Rocco. The gift of Jay finally taking me seriously and knowing I have been stable for a long enough time that we now have trust in our relationship. One day at a time, or one minute at a time. The payoff is tremendous. Peace!

Re-runs & Gossip

I am watching someone I love and care for falling into the hell of addiction. Thankfully I just listen as I know there not a damn thing I can do until that person is ready to make a change. It's odd, you know, to see yourself about 15 years ago with that "everything will work out somehow" attitude. It makes me thankful I have conquered the majority of my demons. It makes me thankful for the life I live today. I just pray that my friend's epiphany will come in time before all is lost that can't be replaced. I don't like watching a re-run of my past. Anyhow, I am making a real effort not to commit a sin that I am guilty of way to much. Gossip. It starts out so innocently and than the next thing you know, you and a friend are disecting the life of a mutual friend as if they were a frog. NONYA is my new mantra. None Ya Business. If it doesn't apply or have relevance to me or my family than I will not support any conversations that are negative. Women are not the only ones guilty of this. Men love to gossip ALOT. Seems to be alot of yard bashing in the neighborhoods. Men love them some yard talk. I just realize I catch myself saying things at times that are better left unsaid. I bought myself a cheap little leather and silver bracelet that says Count Your Blessings. Everytime I look at the engraved words it is a reminder of how lucky and blessed I am. I don't ever want to forget the gifts that I have been showered with in my lifetime. Sunshine and Rain...Joy and Pain.....Peace!