Early Monday morning...

This is the love of my life..Auggie...my lovely dog...We still don't know what kind of dog he is, everyone thinks he is a pitbull, but I don't see it. When we got him from this dope house he was so small I stepped on him. Not anymore. The dog is probably the sanest one in my house. Well yesterday was a shitty day for my pocket. At the end of my shift, the drawer I share with the older waitress was $28 short, and guess who paid it? Yup, me..Due to the fact that she is old and only comes in to work the counter, I felt bad so I sucked it up, despite pissing my husband off, and paid the whole thing. So after giving my husband some money, and paying that I had a whopping $44 left. I have to get another job. I work part-time to supplement our income. My husband gets SSI, so the weekend money is groceries and cigarettes. But I have waitressed for almost 20 years now, and there is something called pride, which, although it does come before the fall, I do have. I can't stand to go to work and walk out with under $100. I think that is a reasonable goal, for a weekend waitress neighborhood diner. So I had to go to Wal-Mart with my mother, herein referred to as The Wacko...and spend $20 on a few things and save the other $20 for The Script this morning. Ah yes, the lovely Xanax script. Where would we be without pharmaceuticals? Well, I know where I would be, probably buying illegal drugs, but no, not anymore. I take my methadone like a good girl, and my Xanax to quell that raging beast that lives within my brain. The beast, or henceforth referred to as The Monster...is quite a powerful being, capable of accomplishing many horrible, exciting things, mostly spending all of our bill money within an hour. I have quelled TM's craving for heroin and opiods (not really, just take them as prescribed now)...but still TM has issue's with cocaine, crazy? I hate cocaine..Not TM.. he loves it, and before I know it I am sitting alone, looking stupid, no money, and TM is just sitting there laughing at me. So right now I am doing a pretty good job at making TM sleep and stay out of Kenny's wallet. He hurts my family, and the guilt afterwards is horrible. So instead I swallow my Effexor like a good wife should, take my meds and try to be a good person. The Wacko has no clue as to the fact that TM still rears his head on occasion, she lives on her own planet...her planet is a strange one..Only she exists and yet everything is everybody else's fault. Imagine that? Try sharing a house with her. I love her, yet I know she will never change. The bitterness will always be there, always has been...so I feel sorry for her, but the older I get I realize some things change and some things don't. She "don't"...and that is all for now because I can't sleep, no benzos, so time to watch the clock and putter around the web...If anyone reads this, do you feel like I do...(no, I am not quoting Peter Frampton)...