Jun 22, 2009

Forgiveness at 3am.

My son aka Baggy Pants came in my room at 3am. He was trying to be in stealth mode and failed. I woke up. He got in bed with me, and hugged me. Told me how much he loved me and that he is so proud of how far I have come. J was there for the bad times. He remembers me laying in bed so sick I couldn't move. He remembers eating grilled cheese for dinner because I bought dope for me and Kenny. This is many years ago, but kids have great memories. I have been clean a long time now, but his arms around me meant more to me than any bag of dope or coke ever did. The forgiveness of your child when you were the addicted parent is so special and priceless. We are bonding and both growing together. He is proud that his dad died clean and sober. No needle hanging out of his arm. J is the one who made both 911 calls when Kenny overdosed. We are now starting a new phase of our relationship. There is now something new in it, trust. It is because I am living right and I have worked so hard to earn it. In my grieving phase I have had many moments to think. Thankfully as parents we had some fucked up years but we still went to every school event, meeting etc. We both worked. Those big arms around me last night at 3am were one of the best gifts I think I have ever had. We are healing together. I have waited years for the moment of trust. He told me he was proud that I was "right" when Kenny got sick because I was able to fully take care of him. This child is 19. To you readers 19 might be a man, but he is and always will be my child. He forgave me last night. I woke up happy for the first time in many days. Peace!!!


Lou said...

OMG, Lori, this is the absolute best thing I have read all day. I know I don't have to tell you how blessed you are. Life is grand, and God is good.

I have never-not for a minute-regretted having either one of my children. They have taught me lessons I needed.

the walking man said...

Peace is the fruit of forgiveness. BP is becoming a wise old soul.

Lori said...

Lou-I love that kid. Plain and simple. Always have, always will. His bad years were when he was around 9-12. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing.

WM-Yeah, Bp is. Who would have ever figured that. This is the same kid who last year called out of work cause he didn't have belt, lol.