Just me

I wonder if everyone comes to a point in their life when they look into that mirror and discover that it is just them, and them alone in this world. I was getting ready for work and that was my epiphany. Yes, I have a child and mother. I have an aunt and uncle. Now, though, it is I and I alone who must make decisions. My late spouse always told me that the true test of anything, like sobriety, isn't when you turn down drugs in front of a room full of people at a party. It's when you have the opportunity to be alone in a room, just you and God. You can use, and noone would ever know, except you and God. I believe that. He said always said that was the big test. There was a time when this death would have set me off, old ways, bad habits. Yup, I am in alot of pain. Too much on my plate right now. Pressure. Used to be the perfect reason, the great exscuse. Except now there is that damn mirror I look into everyday. There is that child who looks at me with hope, as I am his only hope. There are the people I work with who really don't know about my past too much. I have earned respect in my new locale. People don't look at me when they see me coming with that dread (She needs money, don't answer the door). They have never met that person. I am realizing that person is pretty much dead. I am making new friends, slowly, as I am cautious, always making sure I stay in the "safe" zone wiht new people. Photographs and memories (Jim Croce)..well that is what I have. But I am starting to see the possibility of a future. It can be anything I make it.
BTW, talk about ironies...A friend of mine is moving to Georgia...she is opening a recovery house for men and women. She is working on the women's side. In three months they need a staff member.. She called me yesterday..Me!!! I used to teach computer classes in the state prison in MD. I am seriously considering this offer. It is in a different part of Georgia, but the chance to give back? To help people become functional, productive adults? It was on my mind all night last night. Getting your life together is a gift.. Shouldn't it be shared? Peace...