I hear the pills rattle in my purse...
a safe jingle jangle
a reminder that I won't be in pain.
I am on pain management. Have been for a few years. When you are put on pain managment you must sign a contract basically stating that you are responsible for your medication and will safeguard it and not abuse/or divert it.
Well for the last month I have noticed that things have been moved around in my room, small things. I didn't pay much attention as we have just moved into a new, relatively big house. Than one morning I woke up to take my Paxil and other meds when I noticed one of the bottles had its lid put on upside down. That is how my sis in law caps her medicine. It bothered me, and I was puzzled on how to approach her. I thought I would give her an easy out. She woke up and we had our usual morning chit chat. I looked at her and said, "Listen this is bugging me and I know I went to bed early last night" "Did you grab any of my anxiety meds, I will understand if you didn't want to wake me?" She denied it and told me we should keep an eye on her son, my nephew, who has in the past, gotten both of us for a pill here and there. She said she could tell if he was messed up...I said ok, but I knew the way she put her lids on her bottles and kept thinking, not nephew, it was his mama.
An hour later she knocks on my door crying. She said, "I'm a horrible mother, blaming my son for something I did".. She is crying telling me how sorry she was etc etc...you know how it goes. So now I am carrying my pills everywhere I go until I get a new safe today. I was so damned hurt. Still am. She is 52 years old. She is my family through marriage. We used to work together and I introduced her to my brother in law whom she married. She is one of my best friends, despite small squabbles, usually over daily life, bills etc. Now I feel violated. The tears she shed were genuine. I saw the shame that all addicts have when they are confronted. I wish she never put me in that position.
Time to chug this coffee and get ready to go to my local Wal-Mart and get a shiny new safe. (This will now be the 3rd safe I have bought) Better safe than sorry....Peace!