Spine

There is a person in my life who I love very much. This person avoids confrontations at all cost. Someone who eats the proverbial spoonful of shit rather than rock the boat. This is starting to infuriate me. I am a person who values peace, but more than anything I value my peace of mind. When I am in a situation that interferes with my mental health I lose the polite tone, and speak my mind. I am blessed with a decent job and I am working my behind off trying to get ahead. The results are slow, but I am seeing gradual improvement. Financial and emotional baby steps. We now have a house guest, the brother-in-law. Even thought this is a three bedroom house, all the rooms are filled. He does have a van, with a bed in the back. I am a very private person. Ever since I was a child I was always someone who needed a place to retreat. My place now is my bedroom. I know it sounds crazy, because he is a nice guy and has been a great guest, but sometimes just having another presence around constantly aggravates me. Now my sanctuary is not my own anymore. He came to Georgia to look for work and find a place for his wife and he to move into. He has spent the last few days fishing in the lake. Just little annoyances that his own brother doesn't know how to speak up to him about. I feel it is his place to get him in line, make him stay focused on his goal instead of going out on the boat everyday. My sister-in-law brings home a decent SSI check and I am getting the feeling he is just waiting for their lease to expire in May. I don't want a guest til May. He collects unemployemnt and can get a cheap room for rent. I feel like that makes me an Un-Christian like person. It's just that I work hard and when I come home I really don't like someone in "my space". He is fun to be around, and has really done nothing wrong. He is tidy and nice. It is me I guess. I just wish that my other half would grow a spine or cahunas (sp) and tell his little bro that our bedroom is ours. Sometimes if you make things too comfortable for someone they have no reason to leave. Maybe if I make him share a room with Baggy Pants that would make him want to move out the next day. Just needed to vent.

12/21/2012

I watch alot of those programs on the Science channel and Discovery channel etc. Well there seems to be a mass consensus that on 12-21-2012 the world is coming to an end. My son gets very upset that I even watch these programs. I am always curious to aquire new knowledge, whether it is hyperbole or fact. The date they have come up with is based on the Mayan calendar, certain other notable forsee'ers into the future. They all come to the same date. I tried to explain to Baggy Pants, that even if this is true, and the world is going to end as we know it, what can we do? He is a child that believes fervently in the bible. He is familiar with The Book of Revalations (sp). My point to him is that no matter when the world is going to end, live your live today to the best and the fullest and be the best person that you are capable of. I personally think we have abused this planet to the point where it indeed might just shake us off and start anew. I am trying to teach him that some things you have control over, ie. yourself. That is what you work on. Events such as mass destruction, doomsday dates and things of that nature you have no control of. I could get hit by a car tomorrow. So I live today, cherishing the great moments, making my little contributions to keep our planet healthier, I think green is the politically correct term. I have enough stress in my daily life that I cannot make myself sick with worry about an impending catastrophe that I have no power to stop, if it is indeed true. There is some science regarding this. I believe it has something to do with planetary alignment, which could wreak havoc on our own planet. If that is the case, what can I as one do? I am curious if others have heard of this date and if so, what is your opinion? I certainly can't change planetary alignment. I can live a good, decent life and hope when my number is up, that my true soul is seen and I shall perhaps rise to a different place. It saddens me that throughout the last 20 years we have lived with such disregard for the very thing that sustains us, The Earth. If there is intelligent life forms out there somewhere in the Milkway, they must look at us the way we look at cockroaches. We spread and multiply and are undesirable. Again, just my opion. Just look at the way we treat our fellow man. How civilized can we truly be? I have always lived by the belief that there but for the grace of God could be me. I never forget the struggles our hardships. I always lend a hand, when I am able. Again, responses to this would be appreciated. Do you think this is just more panic tactics, like Y2K? I would be very interested in some feedback.

The benefits have finally arrived

My mother after numerous months of waiting has finally gotten her SSI. They were supposed to have started her benefits in November. My point is what the hell would she have done if I wouldn't have covered her bills for the last few months? She would have been homeless and broke. Do they play games like this with other people waiting? My mother has worked her whole life and retired at 65. She was so broke she had to go apply for food stamps last week. My mom is a prideful woman and it devastated her to use food stamps. So now she is straightened out and the relief will alleviate so much stress. I just thank God she had family. I am sure there are numerous folks who have been in this situation with no family. You work your whole life and than get dicked around by the government for almost 4 months. That is shameful...

Mayberry USA

I wait on alot of police where I work. Very small town. Large police force. All different kinds. The come in and they get their discount. This is a lovely little bucolic, rural town. These cops know everyone by name. They are active in the community and it's goings on. Now, I have never been a huge police fan. I must admit however, there is litte to no crime where I live. These men and women have their beats. It is sort of Mayberryish..(not a real word). Since moving from a big urban city and seeing the police totally overwhelmed, waking up to numerous shootings on the news, this amazes me. They keep this town safe. I never felt that way in Baltimore. People still leave their doors unlocked here. Everyone also owns a gun. Men and women equally. If you break into someone's home here, you will get shot. That is quite the deterrent. Yes, there are a few areas one wouldn't want to tread into down here, but the police here actually outnumber the "bad guys". The people in this town are as a whole are very conservative. I live in a town where Yes' Ma'am and Yes Sir is the norm. There are parts of me that still get homesick, but I am also starting to see the value in a much simpler way of life. I recall a certain member of the blogging community mentioning that he was thinking about selling his home, so when he passed, his wife would be safe. It's a damn shame that somone would have to sell their home that they have lived in their whole life, just for personal safety. I enjoy the fact that the neighbors on either side mind their business, but if you need help, they are right there, by your side. Maybe that sense of community is what is lacking in our larger cities. There was a time when all communities didn't have an offical neighborhood watch. It simply was done. There was personal responsibility. The children of the community belonged to everyone who lived there. What happened?

The Sculptor

What molds us?
We start as a blob of clay, matter
Each year, different things start shaping us
Their touch, shaping our mold
Their thoughts and opinions, just like an artist's swirling fingers
Adding more water, sculpting and creating the conceptual "us"
Mistakes are made, and deftly repaired by master's hands to create the final vision.
Alas once that mold is set, so are we
Our initial mold is what we fight against.
Some people are not meant to sculpt.

Pending visit from family member

It looks like I might be having a houseguest this afternoon. My brother in law had come down to visit, and when he saw how cheap the cost of living is down here, it sparked his interest. His wife is on SSI and he is collecting unemployment. They are running out of money where the currently live. So, according to him, he loaded his van late last night and his Georgia bound and should arrive around 11am this morning. He is a good guy, and an excellent mechanic. His game plan is to find a job, and a home and than send his wife down. I wish him luck on the job front. I am a waitress. No matter where we move, there will always be a job for me. Most of the men is this town are unemployed. In a small town, a local man will always get the job before a northerner in most cases. This is a town where when "Joe" applies for a job, he mentions his Uncle Bob who went to school with so and so.. Everyone knows everyone. There is a loyalty down here to hiring local. We are not unundated with forgeign store owners. You walk into most convience stores, they are all American owned and operated, as are their employees. In Baltimore most 7-11's and corner stores are owned by Koreans, Indians and others who have come here to make their better way. That doesn't fly down here. He has been reading the help wanted section online up north in the local paper here and has been making calls. I wish him well and hope it works for him. We just got very lucky as the housing was here before we were. My landlord lives in Baltimore and is my friend. That is what prompted us to take the chance in the first place. We knew that just on fixed income we could afford this house, no matter what. I do admire anyone willing to get on the road and take a chance nowadays to find a better way for their family. He and his wife are the one's who brought Baggy Pants to GA, when noone else could convince him this is where he needed to be. That meant so much to me. So we will do our best to help him get on his feet and find his little job and house so he and his wife can live out there next 20-30 years in some kind of comfort and not poverty. Clean sheets await.

After the rain

Have been wide awake since about 3am. Brutal rain storm. It's actually beautiful to watch the storm as the wind blows and the water hits the lake. My satellite dish went out for a few, that wasn't so beautiful. So today is my big day off. I planted some flowers out front yesterday, and now I don't have to worry about watering them for a few. Going to be a dometicated day. There is a sense of pride after the laundry is done and all the dusting and cleaning is done. I stand back and look at my home-making handiwork and am pleased. I do have a candle fetish. My home has some fragrance at all times from a gingerbread tealight to an angelfoodcake candle. Depends on the mood. I thank God that my pleasures in life are fairly unexpensive. I watched Baggy Pants take out the fishing rod yesterday and sit at the pier. That was a moment. He did have to have his MP3 player with him, but otherwise looked rather Norman Rockwellish, except for those huge shorts of his. I am learning to concede on the small things and save my strength for more important issues. So many book written about rearing your children and in my opinon, they amount to a pile of shite. I am not impressed with the Dr.Phil's of the world. They don't live in my home. Well to all, a great and blessed day. Must get started on my handi-work.